


The World Is Ugly

by SkylarEQuinn



Series: ChemVerse [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2020-12-28 18:28:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 69,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21141218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkylarEQuinn/pseuds/SkylarEQuinn
Summary: ChemVerse. Human AU. Emil Steilsson has always lived with depression, but it only gets worse when he moves from his home in Iceland to America with his older brother. The only thing keeping him sane is the gorgeous boy in his class, Leon Wang, who went through a similar experience a few years before.





	1. Chapter 1

Emil Steilsson never considered himself attractive or desirable. In fact, he didn't even view himself as average. As far as he knew, no one, male or female, had ever shown an interest in him. Then again, why would they? He always considered himself extremely below average. His people skills were nearly non-existent. His looks reminded him of an elderly man; silvery locks, short, scrawny. A heavy Icelandic accent threw itself over every word that came out of his mouth. The way Emil saw it, he was a freak of nature.

He always wished he looked like his older brother, whose looks favored their mother. Lukas had wavy, blond hair and eyes with irises such a deep blue that they looked like sapphires. The only thing the brothers seemed to have in common was the fact that neither of them spoke much.

Mathias Køhler, Lukas's husband, was the only talkative one in the house. He always seemed to have something to say, whether his words were needed or not. His eyes were beautifully blue, like the summer sky, which Emil knew Lukas adored, having caught him gazing at them multiple times. One day, Emil hoped to be in love like that, even if it did seem like a long shot.

Though Emil got along with Lukas and Mathias, he felt that they didn't understand him at all. He could tell they were trying their best, but every outburst of "What is your problem?!" or "Why can't you just behave like everyone else?!" would always set him back. All Emil wanted was for Lukas and Mathias to understand him, but he knew that would take a miracle. In the meantime, all he could do was wait, and hope for a miracle.

.

June, 2014, Reykjavik, Iceland

Emil gazed into the water before him as the last fifteen minutes of daylight trickled from the sky. He breathed in deeply, clenching a smooth, black stone in his hand. It was the perfect skipping stone, and Emil often pondered how far he could throw it, but he knew he never would. Something about the stone made it too perfect to throw.

Footsteps resounded on the beach behind him, and he turned to find Lukas. Emil had had no idea that Lukas even existed until two weeks previous, when his mother had informed him the Lukas would be taking over legal guardianship of him to give him a better life in America. Devastated and terrified, Emil had refused to speak to anyone for a week. Yet when Lukas arrived, he had seemed so kind and understanding of it all. He hadn't gotten frustrated with Emil or even called him ungrateful, like their mother had. All Lukas had done was talked with him about it until he was eventually okay with moving to another country. Deep down, Emil doubted he would ever truly be okay with it.

"How ya feelin'?" Lukas asked, tucking his hands in his pockets. He shivered slightly.

"Fine, I guess," Emil answered with a shrug. "Where's Mathias?" He was so used to seeing Lukas and Mathias together that it was odd to see one without the other.

"He's scoping out restaurants in the area," the older brother answered. "Mathias wants to take you out tonight so he can get to know you better."

Emil began to feel uneasy. "I don't speak Danish," he slowly said, struggling to find an excuse not to go.

Lukas chuckled. "Just because he's from Denmark doesn't mean he speaks only Danish. He speaks English as well. And Norwegian, but that's only for special times."

"I don't have to change my last name, do I?" Emil asked, ignoring what Lukas had said about Mathias speaking Norwegian.

"I would never expect you to change anything about yourself, Emil," Lukas answered.

"Does Mathias expect me to?"

"We're going to have some problems if he does," Lukas simply stated. He looked over at his brother with his deep blue eyes. "I'm not doing this to ruin your life, Emil," he reminded. "I'm doing this to five you a better one."

Emil turned from his brother and looked back toward the waters one last time. Tomorrow, this beach would only be a memory. "I know," he sighed. He turned back toward his brother and began walking away from the beach.

.

August, 2014, Iowa City, Iowa

So far, Emil's first day of high school was going well. Sure, it wasn't like school back in Iceland, but it would do. He had to make sure to keep his head down all day to about conversation, with anyone. The only student he had talked to all day was a girl his age named Lilli Zwingli. She had invited him to have lunch with her and her friends, which he had nervously accepted. He only hoped he wouldn't be expected to talk much.

Lilli peered over her shoulder at him with her bright green eyes. A small smile lit up her pretty face. "Don't worry, Emil. My friends are all very nice. They'll make you feel welcome." Her short, blonde hair swished back and forth as she looked forward once more.

The group at the lunch table looked like an interesting bunch, to say the least. There was a girl sitting on one side with long, blonde hair and an enormous bow. Her blue eyes were focused on a girl a little further down the table as she spoke with her. The second girl had a dark caramel-colored skin tone and long, brown hair that hung in pigtails. Her brown eyes were wide enough to make her seem highly intrigued with her conversation. Next to that girl sat another girl of Asian descent, who had her fingers intertwined with the boy across the table from her. He had silvery-blue eyes and wavy, blond hair. Next to each of them sat two boys, who seemed engaged in deep conversation. One had an asymmetrical haircut, his brown hair longer on his left side, and green eyes. The other boy had curly, blond hair and blue eyes.

Just as Emil was about to sit down, two boys of Asian descent ran over, arguing loudly over who had gotten there first. One of the boys had a curl that randomly stuck up on his head. It almost irritated Emil. The two boys took their seats at the table, leaving a spot for Emil across the table from the girl with the long, blonde hair and next to one of the Asian boys.

Lilli sat down next to the blonde girl and cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. "Everyone," she said once she had their attention, "I'd like to introduce you to the new kid, Emil. He moved here from Iceland!"

"Nice to meet you, Emil," the blonde girl said. "I'm Natalia, Lilli's girlfriend."

"I'm Laura," the darker-skinned girl said. She gestured to the Asian boy across from her, the one with the curl. "This is my boyfriend, Yong-Soo." She then pointed to the Asian girl and the blond boy. "These two are Mei and Max. Good luck getting them to talk. Mei's been in Taiwan all summer." She rolled her eyes. "And the boy with the curly hair is Raivis, and the other is his boyfriend Neoklis, or Neo." Laura smiled warmly. "I'll leave him to introduce himself," she said, gesturing to the Asian boy next to Emil.

"I'm Leon," the boy stated, looking over at him. "I can tell that Laura is already shipping us, so I apologize in advance for any awkwardness that may ensue."

"The heart wants what the heart wants," Laura sighed with a shrug.

"Yeah, the heart," Yong-Soo scoffed, dodging a playful smack from Laura.

Lilli's face was bright red as she turned to Emil. "I-Ignore them, Emil."

"Why should he ignore us?" Yong-Soo laughed. "You obviously brought him to sit with us for a reason, Lil."

"I did not!" Lilli yelped.

Emil stared down at his tray, completely overwhelmed by this new group of people. The only normal-seeming one was the boy next to him. He exhaled deeply and looked to the food on his tray. It looked much, much more different than any kind of food he was used to eating.

"This food is an insult to Chinese food," Leon grumbled, unceremoniously dropping his spork onto his tray. "It makes me sick."

"Sorry that we're not all privileged like you," Yong-Soo snickered at him. "Not al of us immigrated from China with our older brother in eighth grade."

Leon rolled his eyes. "Yao is from China. I'm from Hong Kong."

"Details, details," Yong-Soo muttered with a careless wave of his hand.

Emil's mind was still processing what Leon had said. Leon had moved here with his older brother as well. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to befriend him. Emil only hoped his accent would disappear like Leon's apparently had. Then again, why would luck ever choose to favor him?

"I always thought China and Hong Kong were the same place," Neo mused, twisting his hair around one finger as he joined in on the conversation.

Leon gasped, offended. "That's like saying North and South Korea are the same place!"

Now it was Yong-Soo's turn to be offended. "No. They. Are. Not!"

"It was an example, Yong-Soo," Leon sighed. "Calm the fuck down."

"Yeah, calm your tits," Lilli giggled.

"You're one to talk about tits," Yong-Soo snorted. "Don't think I didn't see that picture you sent Laura over the summer. "He winked at Lilli, who turned bright red.

"That was supposed to go to Natalia," she murmured, burying her face in her girlfriend's shoulder.

Natalia patted the side of Lilli's head. "There, there."

They're even smaller than I thought they'd be," Yong-Soo commented. He immediately winced as Natalia's and Laura's feet collided with his shins. "Sorry," he gasped out.

"You should be," Natalia grumbled.

Neo and Raivis snickered to each other at the end of the table while Emil just sat where he was. What kind of friend group was this? Had they all seen revealing pictures of each other like that? How many of these kids had seen each other in the nude? Was that just how American students were?

"What's your next class, Emil?" Lilli asked him, grabbing his attention from his awkward thoughts of everyone at the table.

Emil pulled out his schedule and checked it. "Chemistry in lab 204," he answered.

"Hey, I've got that, too," Leon said, slinging his bag over his shoulder as the bell rang.

"Hear that, guys?" Laura squealed. "They have chemistry!"

"Oh, blow me, Laura," Leon groaned, getting up. He nudged Emil's arm. "Let's go."

Emil followed after in an awkward silence for a moment before finally unleashing his inner thoughts. "What the hell was all of that? I think I learned more that I wanted to about all of you in the past half hour than I planned to in a school year."

"We're a pretty open friend group," Leon stated with a shrug. "We've all seen that picture of Lilli. Yong-Soo used to call her the 'President of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee' for awhile. Then Nat got wind of that and bear him up. She always had the hot for Lilli, just like Neo always had the hots for Raivis. Lilli and Raivis dated for a whole year before they stopped pretending."

Emil nodded to show he understood. "My brother is gay, so that stuff doesn't bother me."

"Right on," Leon said, grinning over at him. "My brother has this freakishly tall Russian boyfriend. I live with them."

"I live with my brother, too. He's Norwegian, but he's married to a Danish man," Emil sighed. "It's all their fault that I had to move here."

"I understand how upset you must be," Leon began, "but try not to be too hateful to them. Trust me, they already feel guilty enough for taking you from your home."

"And how would you know that?" Emil asked, narrowing his eyes at the other boy. "Lukas has no conscience. In the whole three months that I've known him, all I can say is that he's extremely emotionless."

Leon frowned. "I don't quite follow, Emil. What do you mean by 'three months'?"

"I have only known my brother for three months," Emil answered with a shrug. "He grew up with his dad in Norway, and I grew up with our mom in Iceland. He met Mathias on a business trip in Trondheim. They got married in Copenhagen two years later."

"Damn," Leon stated after letting out a low whistle. "Well your brother sure has an interesting love story."

Emil scoffed. "Yeah. Interesting." The only way he could tell Lukas was in love was the way he would look at Mathias as if the sun wouldn't rise without him. "They're definitely interesting."

"Sounds better than my brother's love story," Leon laughed. "All he did was run into a tall, Russian man at the Asian food market. Guess it was love at first sight, because Ivan joined us for dinner that night and the next and the night after that, and now he just lives with us. He has never missed dinner."

Emil smiled. "Never missed dinner, huh?"

Leon let out a loud laugh. "That's all you got out of that?"

The Icelandic boy shrugged. "Chinese good is good."

"Now I can't argue that," Leon agreed. "I always told Yao that he should've opened his own restaurant instead of being a psychiatrist, but he said that was too stereotypical. He didn't want to seem too 'fresh off the boat'." He rolled his eyes and chuckled to himself. "To Yao, appearance is everything."

"Must be hard living in a house like that," Emil sympathized.

"You have no idea, bro."

"I have an idea of it," the Icelandic boy admitted. "My brother is such a tight-ass about appearance at times. It's pretty bad." He rolled his eyes. "Lukas is always like, 'Emil, stand up straight! There are people watching us!' Like I give a fuck or something." Emil crossed his arms and grumbled to himself in Icelandic for a moment. "My brother can be a real dick at times."

"Aren't all older brothers dicks?" Leon asked him, a smirk playing on his lips. "I bet Yao and your brother would be good friends one day."

"I could see it," Emil laughed.

"You're not that bad, Iceland," the Asian boy told his Scandinavian companion. "I could see this as the start of a beautiful friendship." He slung an arm around the silvery-haired boy's shoulder. "That is, if you're willing to accept."

"I don't think I'm in a position where I can pass up friends, now am I?" the other boy responded, blushing.

"Then it's settled," Leon stated. "From this day forward, Emil, you are my official best friend. I'm going to have to go and tell Yong-Soo to fuck off and find a new one. It shouldn't be too hard for him, though." He shrugged indifferently. "I've been meaning to find a better best friend than him anyway ever since he started dating Laura." His smile was contagious, spreading over to Emil as well. "So how does that make you feel?"

"Good?" Emil questioned. "I mean, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I've never really had a best friend before, so I don't know what it's like." He looked down at his feet as he walked. "I've always been more of a loner."

"Well not anymore," the Asian boy assured. "I'm going to show you how to live here in America! You'll see! You're going to have so much fun that you'll never even miss Iceland once!"

"You really think that?" Emil asked, looking up at Leon with wide eyes. "If you say you can do that, then try it."

Leon felt his heart skip a beat for a moment from the intensity of Emil's stare. He chose to ignore it as they walked into the classroom and he took his arm back. "Here, you can take the spot next to me. No one usually sits there anyway."

"Thanks," the Icelandic teenager answered, sitting at the lab table next to Leon. He couldn't help but feel a weird stirring feeling in his stomach. Though he couldn't tell if it was a pleasant feeling or not, it made him uncomfortable. He hoped that it would go away soon. After all, there was no way he could be developing a crush on Leon so soon. He doubted Leon was even remotely interested in guys anyway.

Then it hit him, that sickening wave of depression. No one liked him. No ever had, not even his own family. He doubted the people at school liked him. He was worthless. Nothing. Lukas had only taken him in because he felt sorry for him. That was all. It wasn't like Lukas and Mathias really cared about him or anything. They were just people who did nice things for their image, just like everyone else. No one truly liked him, and he knew that.

"Emil?" he heard Leon ask.

Emil looked over at him, frown quickly turning into a neutral look on his face. "Yeah?"

"What was that all about just now?" the other boy asked. "You suddenly got all gloomy out of nowhere."

"I did?" he asked. How had Leon noticed? No one ever noticed when he got that way! No one! "I guess I didn't notice."

"Don't scare me like that, man," Leon laughed. "Gloomy looks don't suit someone like you." He smiled at Emil and put a hand on his shoulder. "Instead, you should try smiling more. I think that would look better on you than a frown."

Emil sighed. "Sorry about that. I just have a lot on my mind today is all." He forced a small chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck. "I'll work on smiling more."

"That's a good Emil," the Asian boy encouraged with a wink. He took his hand back and got his book out of his bag. "Here, I'll share my book with you today since you don't have one yet." Leon opened the book between them and leaned his elbow on it, propping his head up. "So what was it like in Iceland?"

The Icelandic boy shrugged. "It was okay. My mom is still there. She Skypes me almost every night." He smiled to himself. "She worries a lot about me." He didn't want to mention that she worried about his depression and other mental illnesses, fearing it would freak Leon out and the other boy wouldn't want to be his friend anymore. "But I think it's just because I moved to another country with my older brother, whom I hadn't ever met until it was almost time to move."

"Yeah, that sounds about right," Leon answered. "My mom is still back in Hong Kong with my dad. They insisted that I come here with Yao back in eighth grade for a better life since my brother is a doctor."

"What kind of doctor is he?" Emil asked.

"He's a psychiatrist at the University of Iowa hospital," the other boy answered. "Basically, he deals with the crazy patients in the psych units."

And just like that, Emil's heart sunk. Leon had used the word "crazy". Little did Leon know that Emil himself was one of those "crazy" people as well. Now Emil made a point to make sure Leon could never know.


	2. Chapter 2

After chemistry, Emil pulled out his schedule and let Leon look over it. The Cantonese boy's brown eyes scanned over the paper as a wide smirk crossed his face before he handed it back.

"What's that smirk for?" Emil asked, blinking in surprise. He had never seen such a devilish look on anyone's face before. His violet eyes drifted down to his schedule to find that he had Spanish class next. "Do you have Spanish with me?"

"The whole gang has Spanish together," Leon said with a chuckle, "including you." He rubbed his hands together menacingly. "And it's a Monday!" His gaze wandered over to Emil. "Let me explain a few things to you. Yong-Soo and I started it, but now the whole class does it. Three days out of the week, we annoy our teacher. Those days are Mournful Monday, No-Eye-Contact Tuesday, and Fearful Friday. On Mournful Monday, we literally whine over everything she says to us. No-Eye-Contact Tuesday involves us staring at her forehead when we talk to her. But Fearful Friday is my favorite. We literally act like everything she does is a jump scare. Neo is hilarious on Fearful Fridays!" He winked at Emil. "You going to join us?"

Emil thought it over for a moment. "That would be hilarious! I'm definitely in!"

Leon held up his hand for a high-five. "This is going to be pretty bitchin'!" he told his new best friend. "I have a feeling that you're going to make a great new partner in crime! Even better than Yong-Soo ever was!"

The Icelandic boy slapped his palm against Leon's. "Let's do this," he said, smirking. He then looked at his schedule once more. "Now, where is the Spanish room?"

The other boy laughed and threw his arm around Emil's shoulder. "Come on, follow me. I'll get you there in no time."

.

"Buenos dias, clase," Señorita Garcia greeted, smiling to her class. "Today we have a new student. His name is Emil. Would you please stand, Emil, and greet your class?"

Emil took half a second to glance over at Leon, who was sitting next to him, before holding his head in his hands and whining, "But why?" He almost smirked when he saw the look on his teacher's face as the rest of the class snickered quietly.

Señorita Garcia held her breath for a moment before responding to Emil. "I assume you've heard of Mournful Monday, then?" she asked Emil, placing a hand on her forehead. "Emil, you seem to be a bright kid. Why would you ever want to participate in something like that?"

"Why are you accusing me of things? It's my first day!" Emil whined before burying his head in his arms.

Leon raised his hand, proud of his friend's performance. "Sirta, if I may say something," he said, getting his teacher's attention. "Why are you picking on the new kid like that? I think he's shy or something." He reached over and poked Emil's arm, turning back to his teacher when the Icelandic boy didn't budge. "Now he's humiliated and thinks you hate him, Sirta! How could you be so cruel?!"

"For the last time, it's Señorita Garcia, not Sirta!" she snapped at him, flicking her dark curls behind her shoulder. "And I'm not picking on him, I was just asking him a question because I saw him sitting with you at lunch, Leon."

Lilli then raised her hand from the back corner of the classroom. "Sirta, that's not very nice," she softly said, voice barely heard by her teacher. "Are you stereotyping my friend by calling him a troublesome person? Because I don't think Emil would be the type of person who would let someone influence him so easily. You know he just moved here from Iceland. Maybe he really is just mournful all on his own."

Emil then raised his head. "Why are you all being so mean to me?" he mournfully asked.

Mei Xiao reached over from her desk on the other side of Emil and grabbed his hand. "Don't worry, Emil," she softly said. "We're not all like Sirta." She flashed him a small smile when he looked over at her. She was the girl from the lunch table who was too busy talking to her boyfriend to talk earlier. "A lot of us are actually nice people."

Emil pretended to be choked up as he asked, "Really?" He sneaked her a discreet wink that the teacher couldn't see as he pretended to sniffle a little. "You're so nice, Mei."

"What about me?" Leon whined, joining in on the Mournful Monday. "I stood up for you first!"

"Everyone is ignoring what I said!" Lilli wailed from the back of the room, even managing to produce watery eyes.

"Enough!" Señorita Garcia called out to her class. "I've had enough of your hijinks! I know you have all gotten the new student in on your tricks in this class!" Her face was turning a deep red. "How could you do this to a bright young man with such a bright future?"

"It's not like we murdered him or something!" Lilli wailed from the back of the class. "Why is it such a big deal?! Don't call my brother! Please don't call Vash! I'll be good!"

The rest of the class was trying to hold in their laughter as their teacher fumed at the front. They knew that she was struggling not to lose her cool, but were all anticipating the moment she would start yelling at Leon.

Señorita Garcia counted to ten in her head before responding to Lilli. "No one said anything about calling your brother," she softly answered. "We wouldn't do that unless if you specifically acted out in class or became threatening."

"Lilli? Threatening?" Yong-Soo scoffed. "How could Tiny Tits over there be threatening?" He began to laugh as he looked over at the blonde girl in the back of the classroom. "The only threatening one is Natalia."

That was when Natalia finally looked up from the homework she had been doing the whole time. "What about me?" she asked, looking up at Yong-Soo.

"Nothing," he quickly said, looking away. "Sirta, why can't we just continue with class?" he whined. "I came here to learn! I wanna learn!"

And that was when Emil knew for sure that he had found the perfect friend group for him.

.

When Emil walked in the front door when he got home, he was instantly greeted by Lukas and Mathias, who were eager to know how his first day went. He was so surprised that he almost shouted out in surprise, having just walked through the door to be accosted by his brother and brother-in-law. His mind was racing at a mile a minute.

"Did you think it would be a bad day or something?" Emil asked them, sitting at the dining room table and pulling out his homework. "It went rather well. I ended up making a lot of friends and they included me in everything they did. There. Happy?"

"Now, did that really happen, or did you just make all of that up?" Lukas asked him, sitting across from his younger brother. He cast Emil a quizzical look. "I've heard that you're good with stories when you don't want people to think there is something wrong."

Mathias put his hands on Lukas's shoulders as he stood behind him. "We only ask because we are concerned, you know," he stated.

"Why would I lie to you when I just got here?" Emil asked. "Lying comes further down the road. I thought you knew that." He rolled his eyes as his phone went off, signalling a text message. "If you don't believe me, that was one of them just now, texting me." His hand went to his phone and pulled it out of his pocket before checking it. The text was from Leon.

"Hey, what do you say about a study session at Nat's? Lol she's a nerd, so I know we will pass all of our tests!"

"They want me to go and study with them since I didn't exactly understand the material today," Emil said, looking up from his phone. "Natalia is really smart, so she can help me."

Lukas exchanged a look with his husband. "Study. Right," he sarcastically responded. "That's what they want you to think it is. If we let you go, your homework better be complete when you get back. Is that understood?"

"Perfectly," the younger brother answered with a nod. He put his homework back in his bag and texted Leon back, asking where they would be meeting. The only thing he thought was weird about the text back was that he was asked to bring his toothbrush but not let his brother know. Being in no position to ignore their odd request, he put his toothbrush in his bag on his way out the door.

.

Emil realized that he lived about four blocks from Natalia when it all came down to it. He didn't mind that at all. It didn't give him too bothersome of a time to get there. But as he stood outside of the house, he felt nervous, hoping that someone else would walk up soon. He didn't like the idea of standing outside of someone's house, and just the thought of ringing the doorbell and having someone he didn't know answer made his stomach turn.

The door suddenly opened and Leon stood there with a wide grin on his face. "Emil!" he called out. "Come on in! We're just cracking open the books right now!"

"Yeah, the books!" Yong-Soo called from inside, laughing loudly. "Some nice, colorful books!"

Leon rolled his eyes. "People can hear you, Yong-Soo," he sighed. His gaze then went back to Emil. "You don't have to keep standing there, you know. We know you're here. Come on in, Emil. There's nothing to be scared of or anything. Nat's parents aren't home, so you don't have to worry about that."

Emil slowly moved forward. He could tell that there was something a little off about Leon, but he just couldn't quite tell what it was. Leon was just as friendly as he always was, but something just seemed strange about the way he held himself, as if he were overconfident about something.

Lilli suddenly poked her head in the doorway and giggled. "Emil! You're here! Come on in! It's just the gang here!" She smiled, giggling once more. "Now that you're here, our friend group is complete!" Her head disappeared as she wandered back into the house.

"Can I talk to you really quick before we go in there?" Emil asked, motioning for Leon to come to him. He really hoped that Leon wouldn't make that big of a deal out of talking.

Leon shut the door, coming out onto the sidewalk to meet up with Emil. Only then did Emil smell the alcohol on his breath. It was mixed with some sort of berry flavor as well, so Emil didn't have much of a problem with the smell as Leon said, "What is it, Emil?"

"Are you guys drinking?" the Icelandic teen whispered to his friend.

"Well duh," the other boy laughed. "Don't worry, we're responsible, though. That's why we're staying inside and brushing out teeth afterwards. No one will know."

"So that's why you told me to bring a toothbrush," Emil thought aloud. He thought it over for a moment. He knew that Lukas would be furious if he knew that Emil was illegally drinking, but didn't he want his younger brother to make friends. "Okay," he decided. "Then let's go inside."

Leon smirked at him. "I knew you wouldn't bail on us," he said. "You're definitely someone that I can count on." He clapped a hand on Emil's shoulder. "Now, things may get a little intense in there, but what happens at Nat's stays at Nat's. Got it?"

Emil nodded. "Yeah, I understand."

"Good," the other boy said, grinning. "Then let's get going." He led the way to the front door and led Emil into a beautiful house where a group of teenagers was gathered on the floor in the living room.

"I only have one problem," Emil said, clutching his backpack straps in his hand. "My brother said my homework has to be finished by the time I get home."

"Not a problem at all. Neo failed this class last year and still remembers all the answers," Leon said. "He has a photographic memory. All he has to do is forge your handwriting, and you're good." He waved over the boy with the asymmetrical haircut. "Neo, Emil needs the answers to the homework. Think you can help out?"

Neoklis cracked his knuckles with a wide grin on his face. "Oh, can I?" he asked as if accepting a great challenge. He held out his hand for the Icelandic boy's backpack. "I've got you, Emil. Your homework will be done by the time you leave, guaranteed. You can trust me on this. And don't worry, the first time is always free." He winked a green eye at Emil as he handed over his backpack. "See you around." Neoklis then took Raivis by the hand and disappeared into a room down the hall.

"Are you sure I can trust him with that?" Emil asked, staring at the door Neoklis shut after himself and Raivis.

Leon began to laugh once more. "Trust me, Neo is the best forger of all of us. You can count on him. And he's always good to his word." He nodded toward the circle the others were sitting in. "Now come on."

Emil followed Leon and sat next to him in the empty spots in the circle. He didn't exactly know what he was supposed to be doing there. Within moments there was a freshly-opened bottle of raspberry Smirnoff in his hand. He decided to take a sip and smiled as the tangy, almost-sour liquid touched his lips. It had a kick to it that he appreciated. "This shit's good," he commented after swallowing.

"I'm glad you like it!" Lilli said over the laughter of everyone else in the circle. "Mei provided the drinks this time." She winked over at the Taiwanese girl across the circle from her, but Mei couldn't see, too busy making out with Max. Lilli waved it off and smiled at Emil. "It's pretty popular among us."

"Let's play Truth or Dare!" Laura giggled, clinging to Yong-Soo's arm as if she would fall over without him, even though he looked about to topple over himself, leaving Emil to wonder how long they all had been drinking before he got there.

"Yeah!" Lilli chimed in. "Let's do that!" She looked around the circle and her eyes rested on Mei. "Mei! Truth or Dare?"

"Dare," Mei said, pulling away from her blond boyfriend. Her hand still gripped his tightly, though. It made Emil wonder how long it really had been since they had seen each other.

"Kiss Laura," Lilli giggled.

Mei shrugged noncommittally and pressed her lips to her friend's before going back to sitting next to Max. She then eyed Leon. "Li, truth or dare?"

Leon sighed. "I told you not to call me by my Cantonese name," he said. "And I pick dare."

The Taiwanese girl giggled at Leon's scolding and thought for a moment before turning to Emil. "I dare you to kiss Emil, as an initiation to our group of friends."

Emil's eyes widened. What was going on? He was going to get kissed?! By Leon?! This was all happening too soon! Sure, he wouldn't mind kissing him, but shouldn't they get to know each other a little better first?

"And it has to be a good kiss," Mei told Leon with a wink. "If it's not to my liking, I'll make you do it again and again until you get it right."

"Christ, you girls and your yaoi. You can all just blow me," Leon groaned. He turned to Emil. "Sorry, bro," he said before pressing his lips to his.

Emil couldn't even begin to describe the sensation he was feeling with Leon's soft lips against his. He could feel his face heating up as Leon brought a hand up to his cheek and stroked it, his tongue gently poking at Emil's closed lips. Should he open them? Was that what Leon wanted him to do? He wouldn't want Leon to have to redo his dare because of him, so he slowly opened his mouth enough for Leon to French kiss him.

When Leon pulled away, he chuckled to himself. "Sorry about that, Emil," he said. His face was bright red, and Emil found it funny that neither of them couldn't stop laughing. "You know how girls are, though. They want what they want."

Laura, Lilli, Natalia, and Mei were all cheering for Leon and Emil with interjections of "I ship it!" and "That was so cute!" and things of the like. Emil didn't know whether to feel satisfied or embarrassed, so he went back to nursing his bottle of raspberry Smirnoff, secretly hoping that they would dare him and Leon to kiss again.

.

That night as Emil walked home, he thought about the game of Truth or Dare that he had played. It was his first time ever playing it, and he had kissed everyone in that circle, including Yong-Soo and Max. Though it was awkward to him at first, he did it. No kiss felt the same as Leon's, though. Nothing else could ever feel that magical and perfect.

He walked into the door of the apartment he lived in and went to his room to lie down. What a great night! His mind reflected over the three times he had made out with Leon that night over dares. It made him wonder if Leon felt the same attraction that he felt.

Lukas opened the door. "Tuckered out from studying?" he asked, walking in and sitting on the edge of Emil's bed. "Let me see your homework."

Emil picked up his backpack and pulled out his homework sheets. Just like Neoklis had promised, he did everything in Emil's handwriting. It was so perfect that Emil was astonished and wanted to know how to ever repay him. When Neoklis stated his suggestion, Emil blushed and Leon walked him to the door.

"Good job," Lukas complimented. "I'm glad that you've made some friends who really care about their grades, Emil. Looks like you've got yourself a good crowd to be friends with. I'm proud of you."

The younger brother refused to let his older brother's words register in his mind, knowing that he would instantly feel quilty. Instead, he yawned and said, "Thank you. I'm really tired, though. Mind if I head to bed early?"

"By all means," the older brother answered, standing up. He patted Emil's head. "You're a good kid, Emil. I hope you know that." He then left the room, closing the door after him.

If I was really a good kid, would I drink with my friends while one slaved away in the other room to forge my homework? Emil thought to himself. No, I'm a good kid. I have to believe that. I'm a good kid.

His thoughts then drifted back to Leon once more. He could still feel Leon's lips on his, smiling to himself. It was a wonderful feeling. There was nothing he wanted more than to have Leon kiss him like that again.

Then a thought occurred to him. Had he fallen for Leon? He really hoped not. That would complicate things a lot. Also, how could he fall for someone so fast? It didn't make any sense to him at all. People don't fall in love that fast, and if they do, then something is obviously wrong with them, right?

He thought about Lukas and Mathias. They had fallen in love almost instantly from what Mathias had said. Could that be how he and Leon would be?

Could Leon save Emil from his inner demons and the monsters that dwelled deep inside of him? Would Leon love him if he knew what Emil was really like? Did Leon even care about him, or did those kisses fall under "what happens at Nat's stays at Nat's"?

Emil had no idea how he would ever get any sleep that night if he kept thinking like that. All he knew was that he needed to find some way to see how Leon felt about him, and he needed a plan before Tuesday.


	3. Chapter 3

Emil woke up groggy the next morning. He figured he would after staying up until three in the morning thinking about Leon. Though he couldn't help but wonder if Leon had done the same about him. Leon had even managed to hack into his dreams and kiss him there in his sleep, not that Emil cared in the slightest. Who wouldn't want to dream of something like that?

"You need to wake up!" Lukas called to him through his bedroom door. "I'm going to be taking you to school in forty-five minutes!" He pounded on Emil's door. "Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, I heard you," Emil grumbled back, throwing his blanket over his head. "Could you go away now so I can start waking up properly?"

"Forty-five minutes," Lukas reminded before Emil heard his footsteps walking back down the hallway toward the kitchen.

The younger brother groaned, pulling his blanket off from over his head. "Why do you suck so much?" he sighed at his brother once he was gone. He slowly sat up and rubbed at his eyes, yawning. Why were mornings so hard? Why was waking up so hard? It was always the worst thing ever. How anyone could be a morning person was beyond him.

He suddenly felt a weight in his chest like a ton of bricks. It nearly knocked the wind out of him. Yet there was nothing there when he looked. His mouth formed into a frown as he sighed. Morning depression strikes again! Emil hated that he had this condition. Why couldn't he just be a normal, happy teenager? Why did all of these complicated feelings have to come into play whenever he was trying to have a good day?

The young Icelandic boy forced himself into a sitting position, feeling the weight move to his head as it drooped down. Well this was just perfect. How was he even supposed to get out of bed? At this rate, Lukas was going to yell at him for sure, and that was going to just make things worse.

Gathering all of his inner strength, Emil forced himself up and out of bed and onto his feet. His stance wavered a little, but he managed to remain standing, the heavy feeling dropping to his feet and an impending feeling of doom in his chest. If that day was going to be anything like his morning, he already wanted to go to bed.

.

Leon was waiting for Emil at the school gates when Lukas dropped him off. The Asian boy waved at the cranky Norwegian, receiving a half-hearted wave in return. "Your brother seems pissy this morning," he commented to Emil. "Don't tell me he knows about last night!"

"No way," Emil laughed, resting an arm on Leon's shoulder. "He's just pissy that I didn't get up on time." He laughed again, as if to try to fill the dull emptiness in his chest. "He thinks I actually did the homework last night. Neo is great at copying handwriting."

"Yeah, he's our forger," Leon laughed. "If you need anything signed, go straight to him." He winked at Emil. "All you need is an example signature, and he's got you from there."

"What surprises me is how he can remember the answers to things so easily," the silvery-haired boy said in awe. "He is truly amazing."

Leon exhaled, flapping his lips loudly with the the air. "Yeah, right! Neo doesn't know shit. He sleeps through school." He leaned in toward Emil. "Raivis is the brains of the operation. That kid is a fucking genius with a photographic memory at that!" His mouth twisted into a smirk. "Raivis tells Neo what to write down. They practically run a business right beneath the teachers' noses!" Leon let out a cackle. "And since we're in their little circle, we get discounts. See what I mean? Every friend in our group is beneficial in some way."

"What do you mean?" Emil asked. "What about Lilli? How is she beneficial?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Leon laughed and threw an arm around Emil's shoulders, leading him toward the school. "Lil is one of the most important in our group, actually. You know how she looks like a goody-two-shoes?"

Emil nodded. "Yeah, but-"

"You saw yourself last night that she's not," Leon told him. "Saw it with your own two eyes. That girl drinks like a fish when she's with us. But since she looks like a good kid, and acts like one around adults, they love her. So that is beneficial because parents, or at least all of the legal guardians in our friend group, don't ask questions if you're going to go hang out with Lilli. See what I'm getting at?"

"I'm starting to," Emil honestly answered. "But what's my benefit?"

"We haven't discovered that yet," Leon told him, "but that doesn't mean you don't have one. After all, we've only known you for one day, you know? It'll take some time to discover the benefits of friendship with you. Well, there was one friend that we discovered it on the first day, but that's another story."

"Who was that?"

"It's funny that you ask that," he answered. "It was Max, actually. His family is super rich, and his older brother is the one who buys our alcohol."

"He doesn't look rich," Emil commented. "He doesn't act rich either."

"That's because he doesn't want to draw attention to himself," Leon laughed. "But yeah, Max's parents are actually on the verge of becoming millionaires. It's pretty exciting. You see, they own a bunch of small businesses, and their businesses do well. If things keep going the way they are, Max won't have to work a day in his life."

Emil whistled low. "That must be nice."

"No kidding," Leon enthused with a grin. "I would love to be his brother or something. His parents love me, though. I go over to his house a lot. His mom makes me cookies a lot. She's pretty cool. Did you know that Max was born while his parents were vacationing in Luxembourg? So he wasn't even born in this country!"

"Well neither were we," Emil casually answered.

Leon's eyes widened. "You're right! You know, I've been here for so long that I forget I wasn't born here. I forget that I'm from Hong Kong half the time. Isn't that just sad?" He frowned a little. "How could I just betray my country like that?" He waved his hand in dismissal. "Anyone else you'd like to know about?"

"What about Natalia?" Emil asked him. "She's a quiet one."

"She's our silent mastermind," his companion answered. "If anything needs planned or conspired, Natalia does it. She's the social brains of our group. Let me tell ya, she's amazing at what she does. One time, she organized a trip to Des Moines for all of us, and we went to Adventureland! It was actually last summer. We all had a blast. Now she's planning our senior trip. Let's hope you stick around for that, because it'll be awesome!"

Emil smiled to himself. He was happy that Leon wanted him around that long, but he couldn't help but wonder if the others did or not. It confused him. He knew how Leon felt about him being around, but he wished he knew how the others felt about him. What if they all thought he was weird or annoying?

"Emil! Leon!" a familiar voice called to them. Yong-Soo ran over to them, smiling. "It's such a great day to be outside, isn't it? I can't wait until football practice tonight!"

"Yong-Soo is our jock," Leon told Emil, gesturing to him. "He and Laura, our cheerleader, get us into only the best parties of our high school career through social status. Isn't that right, Yong-Soo?"

"You know it," Yong-Soo answered, high-fiving Leon. "And I can get you into them too, Emil, if that's your thing." He winked at the Icelandic boy. "Once you've been to the best high school parties, you've seen it all."

"Really?" Emil asked, eyes wide. He wondered what kinds of things happened at high school parties if it meant he'd see it all.

"For real, my bro," Yong-Soo answered. "Now, I need to find Laura. I'll find you two later!" He then proceeded to take off running toward a group of preppy teenagers.

"I have a question," Emil slowly said. "If Yong-Soo and Laura are so popular, why do they choose to hang out with us instead of the other jocks?"

"Yong-Soo was my first friend when I moved here," Leon explained. "Our friend group was composed of his friends since kindergarten at the time. I was the newest member, like you, at the time. Sandbox love never dies, Emil. Yong-Soo will always be friends with us, no matter how popular he gets."

Emil nodded, not quite understanding it, but not wanting to think anymore about it because it would make his head hurt. "Okay, now what about Mei? What does she do?"

"Mei is our wallflower," Leon answered. "She's also our artist. What she does is that she hangs out with the more quiet kids like herself, but she's always listening. She literally knows everything about everyone. It's like she's a secret agent of sorts. Mei even has a notebook that she keep everything she hears in. It's color-coded and everything. She knows everyone's secrets, even if their friends don't know them."

"So she's like our information network?" Emil asked, a little unsure.

"You're catching on, Steilsson," the Asian boy answered with a wink. "Like I said, Mei knows everything, so we go to her for the latest gossip or to see if there are going to be pop quizzes during any of our classes."

"That's actually pretty handy," the Icelandic boy thought aloud. "She's awesome."

"Isn't she, though?" Leon smiled admirably. "And here she comes now!" He gestured to Mei, who was walking toward them. "Good morning, beautiful wallflower! How are you this fine day?"

"What do you want, Leon?" she asked, placing a hand on her hip. She turned her gaze to Emil and smiled. "Good morning, Emil. How are you today?" Mei placed her hand above her brown eyes, shielding them from the sun. "It sure is bright out."

"I'm doing fine," Emil quietly answered. "How are you?"

"I can't really complain," Mei casually responded with a smile. "Have you guys seen Max anywhere? I haven't been able to find him yet."

"Why would we know where your boyfriend is?" Leon asked her. "You're the one who knows everything, not us."

Mei huffed and put a hand on her hip. "See if I help you out today," she grumbled. "There's a pop quiz in one of your classes. Good luck finding out which one." And with that, she stormed off in search of her boyfriend.

"Yeah, she does that sometimes," Leon sighed, putting his hands behind his head. "When you piss her off, she'll give you only half of the information." He groaned. "I just wish I knew which class. It had better not be Geometry!" His hand grabbed Emil's arm. "Come on, Emil. Let's go catch up to her. I need to find out what class it is!"

.

Up until lunchtime, Emil thought about everyone's roles in his new group of friends. He now knew everyone's but Leon's and his own. It was odd that Leon never mentioned his. He figured that he would want a chance to brag about something like that. It puzzled Emil for a good while.

Once they were all gathered at the table, Leon spoke up and said, "This morning, I let Emil in on our roles in this friend group. But he's confused on his own role."

"Well he's the new kid," Raivis answered from the far end of the table. "He doesn't have one yet. After all, we don't know what he can do. So it's best that his role is just observing until we know, right?"

"That's what I was thinking," Yong-Soo answered. He winked at Raivis and shot him a thumbs-up. "Great minds think alike, Rai."

Raivis winked back at Yong-Soo. "Besides, I think it would make Emil uncomfortable to have a role this early on. He may begin to feel used or something because he doesn't know us well enough yet."

"That's very true," Leon agreed. "All in favor of keeping Emil's role as the new kid for awhile longer, raise your hand." He looked around to see that everyone but Emil raised their hand. "All opposed to this, raise your hand." His gaze went to Emil, who still didn't raise his hand. "Emil, you have to vote. That's what we do."

"Oh," Emil softly said, surprised that he had been caught not voting. "Then I vote to stay the new kid until my role is discovered."

Lilli smiled at Emil. "You'll like that a lot," she told him. "It's much better than having us ask you for your help with your expertise a lot."

"Yeah, trust her on that one," Neoklis groaned from the end of the table, where he was currently scribbling in a notebook. "I'm currently doing Yong-Soo's English homework because the lazy fuck won't do it himself."

"Shut up, at least I'm paying you," Yong-Soo grumbled at him, crossing his arms over his chest. He turned to Emil. "Just don't ask people in the group for their skills too much, or they get salty, like Neo."

"That's not true," Neoklis declared, raising his head. "I only get salty because it's you asking." He smiled at Emil. "I wouldn't have a problem if it was Emil because English isn't his native language, is it, Emil?"

Emil slowly shook his head. "It isn't."

"See?" Neoklis asked Yong-Soo. "You were born here, you moron. You should know it better than Leon and Emil. That's why you should do your own damn English homework."

"But I have football practice every day after school," Yong-Soo complained. "And then after that, I do all of my other homework. Just be happy I'm not asking you to do everything."

Neoklis gave a noncommittal shrug. "You should still do your own English homework."

"Whatever," the Korean boy sighed, waving his friend off. He turned back to Emil. "I can't wait to find out what your role will be."

Emil gripped his chocolate milk tightly with both of his hands, nerves getting to him. "Yeah, same here," he sighed. "I'm a little nervous about it, if I'm honest. It's kind of crazy, you know? I never thought I would ever be good for anything, yet here you guys are, insisting that there's actually something that I will be good for."

"Because we know there's something," Lilli answered with a warm smile. "You shouldn't beat yourself up like that. It makes us sad."

"It does?" Emil asked, eyes widening. "Why would it make you sad? It has nothing to do with you at all."

"Because you're our friend now, Emil," Natalia answered for Lilli. "We don't want to see you hurting because it makes us hurt, too."

Having never had real friends before, Emil was confused, but he didn't say anything more. Instead, he tucked the thought away in his head to think about later. He was glad that he had friends now, but what did it really mean to have friends? That was going to be the tricky thing to figure out, that was for sure.

.

Spanish class came along with the whole gang. Every time Señorita Garcia would try to look her students in the eye, their gaze would always drift up to her forehead. That was the beauty of No-Eye-Contact Tuesday. And it never got old.

"Emil Steilsson, what is so interesting about my forehead," she asked him after the fifth time he had done it. Her patience was running thin with this group of high-schoolers, and she just couldn't believe that he was actually running around with Leon Wang and his gang of troublemakers.

"It's just so….smooth?" Emil answered, staring at her forehead and truly to find words to say.

"In English or Spanish, please," Señorita Garcia scolded. "I know you are from Iceland, but I do not understand a thing you are saying when you speak your native language."

The Icelandic boy turned a deep red as his gaze fell to his desk. He couldn't believe that he had accidentally spoken in his native language in front of everyone! He was completely mortified, especially because of the way the teacher had spoken to him about it. Emil struggled to hold back tears, hoping that no one would notice.

"Sirta!" Leon scolded, getting her attention. He stared directly at Señorita Garcia's forehead when her gaze fell on him. "You should be ashamed of yourself! You just humiliated poor Emil! Don't you realize that? Don't tell me you've never slipped up when speaking Spanish before whenever drunk or tired or whatever!" He crossed his arms over his chest and cast a pitying glance toward his newest friend. "I can't believe you would do that to him!"

"What happens when I slip up is none of your business," she angrily answered. "We all slip up if English isn't our native language."

"Then don't scold Emil and call him out in front of everyone for slipping up!" Leon answered. "It's not his fault that he got stuck in your stupid class! He's already bilingual. He shouldn't have to take Spanish, but the school is making him. You should be ashamed of yourself, Sirta. He's shy enough as is. I can't believe you would do this to him."

"His feelings aren't actually hurt," Señorita Garcia said. "He's one of your friends, Leon. He's just doing this for attention."

"You really think that?" Emil slowly asked. "You think that just because I'm friends with Leon, I have no feelings? That's not true. Sirta, you should be ashamed of yourself. It's not fair to me that you think I have no feelings and that I'm doing all of this for attention!" He was starting to become angry.

"And why would you expect me to think anything other than that?" she asked him. "When all I've seen is you acting just like Leon lately? Why would you think that I would actually think you're sensitive to anything?"

"Because Leon Wang and I are not the same person!" Emil yelled at her. "We're completely different people!" He couldn't believe that he was yelling at his teacher like this. But what he couldn't believe even more was what came out of his mouth next. "He's not mentally ill like I am!"

And as soon as that confession escaped his lips, all of his friends turned to stare over at him. He could see pity in their gazes, but the other thing he saw was confusion. Did they really think he was like them? There was no way that he could be mentally sound like them, when he was so depressed every day. There was just no possible way that could be.

"And you expect me to believe that just because you say it?" she asked him.

"I think you should stop right there, Sirta," Leon warned. "You're really pissing him off."

"No!" Emil snapped. "Let her keep going, Leon! She's only fueling the fire!"

"This is a bad idea, Sirta," Leon said. "Please don't provoke him anymore. We don't know what will happen."

Señorita Garcia backed down at Leon's warning. "Let's just continue with class," she decided. "And Emil, you can just go to detention after school today. I will inform your brother."

Emil snapped his pencil in half and huffed out loudly, but he didn't say anything else. He had already ruined his chances of staying in his friend group anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

After Spanish class, the whole group gathered around Emil, who was trying to sink under his desk. They were all staring at him, yet Emil couldn't read their faces. Not that he wanted to. He knew for sure that they were going to tell him he couldn't sit with them anymore.

"I think we found Emil's place in our group," Leon said, looking to the others. He scanned each of their faces as they nodded. "Emil Steilsson, you are officially our rebel."

"I'm what?" Emil asked, looking up at Leon. "You can't be serious. Aren't you going to kick me from the group?"

"Why would we do that?" Leon laughed. "That was awesome the way you took on Sirta like that!" He held out his hand for a fist bump, which Emil hesitantly returned. "You officially have your own place in our group. What's better than that?"

Emil smiled to himself. "That's awesome," he admitted. "I'm actually really happy now." He couldn't stop the swelling feeling in his chest at the thought of being accepted for the way he was. "You guys really rock, you know that?"

"We know," Mei said, flicking her hair behind her shoulder. "Now let's just hurry up and get to our next classes." She wiggled her fingers at him. "Bye, Emil. See you later!" Grabbing Max's hand, they were gone, off to their next class.

The others filed out until all that was left was Emil and Leon. "Look, I don't ask people this a lot," Emil began. "But would you like to come hang out after school? At my place? I feel like there are some things we can talk about."

"Like what?" Emil asked, getting up from his desk.

"They may not have heard what you said to Sirta when yelling at her, but I did," the Cantonese boy answered. "Maybe it would be nice to talk about it."

"Oh," the silvery-haired boy said, lowering his gaze. "That." He frowned. "I mean, I guess we can."

"I mean, we'll be hanging out too," Leon quickly assured. "There's this band I want to show you! They're amazing, but Yong-Soo thinks they're total trash. Something tells me that you'll like them, though."

"Okay," Emil said, nodding. "Yeah, I'll just tell my brother that I'm going to a friend's house after school."

"Cool," Leon said with a smile. "Oh, and one more thing. Try not to hold my brother and Ivan against me. They are pretty cool sometimes, but I never know what they're going to be doing whenever I get home."

Emil was a little confused, but he was glad that Leon had invited him over. Maybe if he was brave enough, he could kiss Leon again, and maybe even tell him that he had feelings for him. Though he had only known him for two days, he felt a strong connection to the Asian boy, and he hoped that Leon felt the same.

.

Leon opened the door to a small house on a busy street. It looked like the last kind of place Emil would expect him to live, but he didn't say anything. The small house was cute and had little, red shutters. Everything about the outside of it matched, which left Emil to wonder what the inside looked like.

He soon found out as the door swung open to reveal an indoor just as cute and cozy-looking as the outdoor. And before he could say anything about it, Leon beat him to it.

"I swear my brother is the gayest gay to ever gay," he sighed. "Our house looks like a bunch of women live here and not three men." He rolled his eyes. "Like I said, try not to hold it against me."

"I will attempt not to," Emil said, smiling at him. "Who all in the group has been to your house?"

"Just you, Yong-Soo, and Lilli," Leon answered. "Lilli thought it was cute and Yong-Soo called me gay for weeks." He groaned. "It sounds like they're home, or at least one of them is. Stay quiet and follow me." He began to lead the way down the hall like they did in action movies when the protagonist didn't want to get caught by the bad guys. "My room is right around the corner."

When Emil stepped around the corner, he was nearly chest-to-chest with a gigantic man. He looked up at him and gulped. Who was this guy? Was he the "Ivan" guy that Leon was talking about? Emil was lost for words as he stood, gaping, at the guy.

"Why hello there!" the tall man cheerfully said. "Are you a friend of Leon's? He didn't tell us he was going to have a friend over today, but you're more than welcome to stay." He looked down at Leon. "Why didn't you tell us we were having a guest? I would have cleaned up more."

Emil looked around the spotless house, wondering what there even was to clean up as Leon replied with, "Because I knew you and Yao would embarrass me. You always do. Now, we're going to go to my room and study for our Spanish test. No, we don't need snacks or anything. Just please leave us alone, I'm begging you, Ivan."

Ivan chuckled to himself. "Fine, I get it," he said, smiling. "Get lost, Leon."

Leon smirked and dragged Emil the rest of the way to his room. "Let's get down to business," he said, throwing his backpack onto the bottom bunk of his bed, which turned out to be a futon. He walked over to his computer desk, which had a huge stereo system on it. "I need to show you that band." He pulled out a CD with a cover of a skeleton in a marching band uniform. "This CD literally changed my life, I shit you not."

Emil gave him a disbelieving look. "Come on, Leon. You expect me to believe that?"

"Dude, I'm not even kidding," the Cantonese boy said. "Just listen to the first song on this disk, and you'll know. It's revolutionary. It's something beautiful and insane and awesome all in one!" He put the disk into the stereo.

The song began with a beeping noise, like on a heart monitor. Emil was already caught by that. How interesting to use something like that as the beginning of a CD. The singer then joined in. He had a soothing voice, until it got to one part of the song that really stuck out to Emil.

"If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see,

You can find out firsthand what it's like to be me."

The song then went into a rock breakdown a couple lines after that, but those lyrics were stuck in Emil's head. And when the song ended and went into the next, Leon turned down the music and turned to him.

"So what do you think?" he asked, smiling widely. "Do you like it?"

"I think I do," Emil answered, thinking more and more about those damned lyrics. "What's the CD called."

"It's called The Black Parade," Leon answered. "It's by My Chemical Romance. I love their music because it's just so relatable."

"What parts are relatable to you?" Emil asked, eyes widening.

Leon smiled at Emil and walked over to him. "I struggled with depression when I first moved here, too," he said after a moment. "This CD helped me in more ways that I cared to admit, because it made me feel like I wasn't alone." He took a deep breath. "I used to think such terrible things about myself. I used to do such terrible things to myself." Leon was quiet for a moment. "I don't want you to suffer alone, Emil. Not when I know that I can be there for you."

Emil was quiet for a long time as the music went on in the background. "There's no way you can know what I feel toward myself," he finally said. "I'm not a likable person. Many people have told me that, and you will all discover it for yourselves soon enough. There is nothing good about me, Leon. Like the singer said, I look in the mirror and hate what I see."

"I wish you didn't," Leon softly told him. "Because that's not what any of us see." He was quiet for a second. "I didn't mean what I said yesterday about my brother working with crazy people. He does work on a psychiatric unit, but I know that there are some people there because they just feel sad."

"How do you know that?" Emil asked. "Have you ever been on one?"

"My brother was the only reason I didn't go to one," the Cantonese boy said. "But some days Yao would come home and just cry. He couldn't tell any of us why he was, of course, but he even had a few patients off themselves in the hospital." He reached out and grabbed one of Emil's hands, causing the Icelandic boy's heart to skip a beat. "Promise me something, Emil."

"What's that?" he asked, trying not to get too emotional.

"Promise me that you won't do that to yourself," Leon slowly said. "Promise me that we'll be best friends forever, together. Promise me that if things get too hard to handle, you'll call me, and we can talk about it together."

Emil was silent for a moment. "It's hard living with this illness, Leon," he finally managed to say. "I know you say that you were depressed at one point, too, but you don't understand what I go through every day."

"Then help me understand," Leon told him. "I meant it when I said I wanted you to be my new best friend. We can talk about these things together. Hell, the whole group cares about you a lot, Emil. We want to make sure we'll still be a group later on after high school as well." He smiled at his friend. "And we want to make sure you're a part of that group."

"Why?" Emil asked. "You barely know me. It doesn't make any sense at all."

"It doesn't have to," Leon told him. "We like you, Emil. And we want you to stay a part of our group of friends that we created. Lilli was a good judge of character to bring you to us before anyone else could get you."

Emil sighed. "Okay," he said. "I'll stick with you guys."

Leon smiled. "Good. Now there's one more song I want to play for you. I guess it could express how I feel at this moment."

"Using a song to express how you feel?" Emil laughed. "How cliche."

"Oh, whatever," Leon said with a grin. "Now hold on a moment." He switched the CD out and plugged an iPod into the speakers. "This is My Chemical Romance as well, but a newer song." His smile widened as the guitars and drums began to play in the song. "Tell me what you think."

Emil listened intently. His head was nodding along to the beat as he took in every word that the singer had to say. It was soothing in a way, like a rock ballad. Then it got to the chorus, and Emil gasped as he listened to the lyrics.

"'Cause I wanted you to know that the world is ugly,

But you're beautiful to me."

The Icelandic boy's heart skipped a beat. Beautiful? Was that really what Leon thought of him? When he looked up at Leon, he noticed that the Cantonese boy had moved closer to him. Were they going to kiss again? Leon was close enough to kiss again. But what if Leon didn't want to kiss him at all and Emil fucked it all up?

Before he could think anything else, Leon pressed his lips against Emil's. Everything faded away but Leon, Emil, and the music. It was a perfect moment that Emil wouldn't give back for the world. He felt Leon's hand tangle up into his silvery locks as they kissed in the most pure and beautiful way.

Emil felt his hands rest firmly on Leon's waist as they kissed. He rather enjoyed the way things were going at that moment. There wasn't a single thing wrong with what was going on. Under his pinky finger on his right hand, Leon's shirt had slipped up a small bit of the way, and Emil could feel his heated flesh.

They finished kissing when the song was over and Leon pulled away, cheeks flushed. "Emil, the world is such an ugly and terrible place, but you make it beautiful to me. Please remember that."

"Oh, my God, you're so cheesy," Emil commented before pulling Leon in for another kiss.

.

That night, Emil sat at the table next to Leon while sitting across from Ivan and Leon's older brother. It reminded him of meals at home, oddly enough, except Leon was there. His brother Yao acted a lot like Lukas, and while Ivan was more quiet and stoic, he was the Mathias type of person at the table.

"So Emil, where are you from again?" Yao asked, accent still clear in his voice, unlike Leon's. It made Emil personally wonder if Leon had strived to get rid of his accent when he got here.

"Iceland," Emil quietly answered. "Reykjavík." He shifted a little in his chair. "I moved here a few weeks ago. Let me tell you, it's a real culture shock to me."

"Just imagine what it was like for us coming from China," Leon answered. "We came from such a strict country to this."

"It wasn't that strict," Yao grumbled into his rice. "You just don't like rules, Leon."

Leon rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever," he said before stirring his food around his plate. "Things are probably way different in Iceland. Like, you're probably confused as to why it's so hot here."

"We have volcanoes in Iceland," Emil stated. "I know what heat is. But all of this sunlight is insane. In some parts of my home country, we only get three hours of sunlight a day." He then went quiet again as he stuck a spoonful of rice into his mouth. Emil was the only one at the table not eating with chopsticks, and it made him uncomfortable, but he wouldn't dare admit that out loud. "This food is delicious."

Though Leon had noticed that Emil had only taken a bite of the rice, he didn't say anything. Instead, he switched the topic to his brother. "So, Yao, how was work today?"

Yao flicked his long, dark ponytail behind his shoulders. "Stressful," he sighed. "But when is it not?" He smiled at Emil. "And thank you for the compliment, Emil. I appreciate it when people enjoy that food that I make." His small, brown eyes then flicked over to Ivan and a small smile played on his lips as his hand went under the table. "It always makes me feel great to know that someone enjoyed my food."

Ivan smiled at Yao as he looked over at him. "Who wouldn't love your cooking?" he asked. "Authentic Chinese food is the best."

"I just wish we didn't have to have rice with literally every meal," Leon complained.

"It's good for you, so shut up," Yao told him.

Emil snickered a little under his breath as Leon pouted into his rice, but once the Cantonese boy saw the smile on his dearest friend's face, he couldn't help but smile as well. Leon was glad he had invited Emil over that night. Many things had come to light for him, the most important being his feelings for the Icelandic boy. He just hoped that he could help Emil with his depression.

.

Emil walked into his brother's apartment later that evening, touching at a sensitive spot where he was sure a hickey was going to develop. He just hoped Lukas wouldn't notice. Then he would never hear the end of it. Lukas would want to know what kind of people his brother was hanging out with, that was for sure.

Lukas walked into the front room. "There you are," he said. He was drying a glass with a towel as he spoke to his brother. "Did you eat while you were over there?"

"Yeah, his brother made dinner," Emil answered, setting his backpack by the door. "Leon's really good at English, so he helped me out quite a bit with my assignments. Did I tell you he lives in the same situation as I do? Only he's from Hong Kong."

"Really?" Lukas asked, inspecting the glass. "That's interesting that you'd meet someone with a similar background story to yours in your new group of friends. Are you sure he's not lying to you?"

"Why would he lie about that?" Emil asked. "And if he were lying, then how could he easily get his legal guardian to be in on it?"

"It was just a question, Emil," Lukas sighed. "Calm down." He set the glass on the kitchen counter right behind him. "What did you two do?"

The Icelandic boy was suddenly very aware of the mark on his neck that he was almost certain Lukas had spotted. "We did homework and listened to music," he said, bending down and getting into his bag. "Leon even burned me a copy of the CD we were listening to." He pulled out a burnt copy of The Black Parade. "See?"

Lukas nodded. "Well, I'm glad you had fun. Did all of your homework get done?"

"Yup," Emil answered, hoping Lukas wouldn't ask to see it. After all, there never was any homework to begin with. He had gotten all of his work done at school, but he knew that Lukas wouldn't let him go somewhere without a good reason.

"Good. I'm glad," he said before going back into the kitchen.

Emil took the opportunity to scurry off to his room and lock the door. His heart was pounding as he looked in the full-length mirror on his closet door. The mark Leon had left on his neck was getting darker. It was going to be noticeable the next morning. What was he going to do? It wasn't like back home in Iceland where he could wear a scarf or something.

He got out his phone and called Lilli. "Hey, Lil, I have a question," he said when she answered. He could hear the other girls in the background. This wasn't good. He had to make sure that there was no way the girls would get the wrong idea.

"Go for it, Emil," she said. She had a smile in her voice, even though the other girls were squealing and begging to say hi to him as well. He could hear their shouts of, "Hi, Emil!"

"You and Natalia leave, uh, marks on each other, right?" he asked.

"Marks?" Lilli asked. "What kinds of marks? Like hickies?"

"Emil has a hickey?!" Laura squealed. "From who?!" She could be heard clapping her hands together excitedly.

"Tell Laura to keep her big mouth shut," Emil hissed to Lilli.

"Got it," Lilli said as there was a sharp smacking sound.

"What was that for?" Laura asked.

"Don't dip into my conversation," Lilli said. She then returned her attention to Emil. "Well when I get hickies, I just use foundation and makeup to cover it up. Why, how bad is it?"

"It's getting pretty bad," Emil said, looking in the mirror. "Could you help me with it tomorrow morning?"

"Sure thing," she replied with a giggle. "We're about the same shade of pale, right?"

"Oh, shut up," Emil grumbled. "Thanks, though."

"Don't mention it," Lilli said with another giggle. "Who's it from?"

And that was when Emil said he had to go and hung up the phone, much to her disappointment. But it wasn't like he could openly tell people that he and Leon made out almost all evening, especially the people they hung out with. What if they got the wrong idea and thought the two were dating?

Emil sighed. He wished they were dating, but Leon had told him that it would complicate things if they did, so he accepted it. He just wished he knew what would be so damn complicated about it.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, Emil was highly aware of the mark on his neck. He was certain that Lukas had simply seen it and chose not to say anything. Personally, Emil wanted to drop to his knees and thank every deity in existence that Mathias hadn't been home to see it. Everyone in that apartment knew that Mathias would've never let him live it down. Shouts of, "Luke, our moody, teenage baby is growing up!" would have filled the apartment, thus making it so that Emil would never wander out of the safety of his bedroom again.

Once Lukas pulled up to the school gates, Emil immediately spotted the girls and jumped out of the car, ignoring his brother's goodbyes. He quickly shut the door and ran to the four gathered girls. "Thank God you girls are here," he breathed. "Quick, help me hide this!"

Lilli inspected the hickey on the Icelandic boy's neck. "That's a nice 'mark' you've got there, Emmy," she observed, smirking. She grabbed his hand and began leading him into the school, the other three girls following close behind. "How hard did Leon have to suck to leave it?"

"Who said it was Leon?" he defensively asked as Lilli pulled him into the girls' bathroom. "Wait, what are you doing? This is the ladies' room!"

Natalia stood next to the door. "Do you want your hickey to remain a secret or not?" she asked. "If we cover it out there, everyone in the whole school will know. Which would you prefer, Emil?" She smirked when he remained silent. "Also, it's obvious that it was Leon. We saw you leave the school with him."

"We're not stupid," Lilli giggled, fishing her makeup out of her backpack. "Now tilt your head up and let me cover that hickey." Her lips pulled into a smile as she went to work on her friend's neck. "Honestly, Emmy," she scolded, "do you forget that we're all friends with Mei? Of course we know where you got that hickey."

Emil groaned. "Do the guys know?"

Laura let out a short, howling laugh. "Of course not! Raivis and Neo may seem quiet, but those two are such gossiping bitches. And let's face it, Yong-Soo can't keep a secret to save his life."

"Max just doesn't care for gossip," Mei piped up. She leaned in and inspected Lilli's work. "Wow, Lil, you've become a real pro at this. It makes me wonder how often you hide hickies from all of us."

Lilli's face turned bright red as Natalia smirked by the door. "Th-That's none of your concern," she stammered, snapping her makeup compact shut. "All that matters is that I covered Emil's hickey."

Emil turned to look in the mirror. His eyes widened as he realized the mark was gone and that there appeared to be no trace of makeup anywhere. "Impressive," he mused. He turned to the girls. "Do I look okay?"

"You look fine," Natalia stated from her post by the door. She moved over by the sinks to the others. "It even looks fine up close. Now, we should probably get Emil out of here before someone sees him." Her hands pressed firmly against his shoulder blades as she pushed him toward the bathroom door. "That's right, Emil. Just walk out like nothing happened. And ignore what Laura is going to say on the way out."

He was about to ask what she meant before he heard Laura's loud voice, causing him to smirk. "God, Emmy! We know you're new to this country, but you can't just follow us into the bathroom like that! It's the ladies' room for a reason, to keep boys like you out!"

"I won't do it again," Emil sighed, playing along.

Mei grabbed his hand and began leading him toward the courtyard. "Let's get you to the boys. It should be okay for you to follow them to the bathroom." She spotted Leon and Yong-Soo and made a beeline for them. "Excuse me, boys!" she called out to them. "Could you keep an eye on him? He followed us into the ladies' room."

Yong-Soo grinned widely. "Tell me, Iceland, what does paradise look like?"

"There was a lot of screaming," Emil answered, causing both boys to laugh.

Leon clapped a hand on Emil's shoulder. "Well you've brought him to the right place. Thank you, ladies!" He grinned widely and guided Emil over to a corner by the wall. "So why were you really in the ladies' room?"

"Don't you already know?" the Icelandic boy questioned with a smirk. "I mean it's your fault anyway, the way you were attacking my neck last night."

The other boy laughed. "So you had them cover your hickies?" he asked, unable to keep the smile off of his face. His cheeks were growing more and more red with each passing moment. "I wish I could've seen."

"I'll remember to take pictures next time," Emil responded with a wink.

Leon rested his head on Emil's shoulder, red-faced and chuckling to himself. "God, you're so fucking hot when you tease me like that," he breathed, tightening his grip on the other boy's shoulder. "How will I ever be able to fully control myself around you again?"

"You'll find a way," the silvery-haired boy answered. "After all, you have to. You can't spend all day lusting after me."

That was when Leon leaned his head back, laughing loudly, before pointing in Emil's face. "Watch me," he challenged.

.

Late October, 2014, Iowa City, Iowa

Thus passed two months of secret makeout sessions between Emil and Leon, plus the occasional hiding of hickies. Emil was still confused as to why he couldn't just date the attractive Asian boy, yet he never brought it up to Leon. He didn't want to jinx what they already had. All he hoped was that he could date him one day. After all, Leon didn't seem like the type of guy to lead someone on like that.

The Homecoming dance was that night, and they all decided to go as a group, which included going out to dinner before the dance as well. The girls all gathered at Laura's house to get ready while the boys gathered at Max's. After the dance, they were all gathering in Max's basement for one big sleepover, yet the girls' parents and guardians all thought they were staying at Laura's. Laura's parents didn't mind where she was staying, though. They had been doing this for years.

Lukas had demanded to meet Max's older siblings, who were supervising that night, before agreeing to let his brother stay. He, in fact, scoffed at his own husband when Mathias suggested he was being too overprotective. "I just need to be sure that Emil is hanging out with the right group of people," he had said, which made his Danish husband throw his hands up in surrender and sit down in the recliner.

.

Saturday, 4:05 PM

Emil walked up to the door of a large, white house with a finely manicured lawn, Lukas in tow. He looked at the big, brass knocker on the door that read "SCHMIT". He glanced over at his brother, who looked impressed, and sighed. "My friends are going to think I'm weird because of you. I mean, look at you. Ever since we moved here, you've changed a lot. You used to be this professional business type of guy and now you've got a septum piercing and a nose ring. Don't get me started on your gauges. And your arms and legs are covered in tattoos! Is this some sort of weird rebellious phase you never had? A mid-life crisis? What happened to the Lukas Køhler I moved here with?"

Lukas, who was inspecting the tattoos on his right arm, grinned over at Emil and said, "I'm thinking of making these into sleeves."

"Did you hear a single word I said to you?" his brother groaned. He slapped his palm to his forehead. "Talking to you is seriously like talking to a brick wall sometimes, you know that?" When Lukas didn't answer, he sighed. "Why do I even bother?"

After ringing the doorbell, they only had to wait a few moments before a woman with curly, brown hair and smiling, green eyes answered the door. She was clad in a bright red sundress with a hair ribbon to match. "You must be Emil!" she greeted, smiling widely. "Who is this man with you?"

Emil gestured to his older brother. "This is my older brother, Lukas. Could you do me a favor and tell him that we aren't going to be doing anything illegal tonight? He followed me to the door because he's been reading parenting books and thinks it's American custom to meet every authoritative figure I'm around."

Lukas elbowed Emil in the side, face red. "Shut up," he muttered. "Go hang out with your friends. I've got it from here."

The younger brother was more than happy to hear those words before getting directions to Max's room. He took off as fast as he could so he wouldn't have to be around Lukas any longer. If anything, Lukas looked more like the teenage brother, not him.

"Iceland's here!" Yong-Soo greeted, throwing open the door to Max's room. "Come on in! We need to be ready by five. The girls have been on our cases, constantly texting us about preparing for the dance and all that. Neo almost threw his phone."

"Tell your girlfriend to stop sending me pics of how 'fine' their butts apparently look," Neoklis groaned from inside the room. "There's only one ass that looks extra fine tonight, and that's Rai's."

Emil walked into the room and froze the moment he laid eyes on Leon. He didn't even hear Yong-Soo shut the door behind him. It were as if he were deaf and blind to everything but the gorgeous Asian boy before him. All he could hope for now was that his jaw wouldn't drop.

Leon was wearing black converse, black dress pants, a black button-up dress shirt, and a strikingly bright red tie. He smiled over at Emil when he saw him staring. His lips twitched into a smirk. "What color tie did you bring?" he asked.

The girls had all gotten the same dress, except in different colors, so the boys decided to go with the same concept; all black and a brightly-colored tie. The color Emil had chosen was sapphire, upon his brother's recommendation.

Emil pulled out his tie and smiled. "Sapphire should be good for me."

Raivis walked over and held the tie up to the Icelandic boy's face. "This shade of blue really makes your pale skin glow. It's a really nice color on you."

Neoklis walked over, slinging an arm over his boyfriend's shoulders. "You're absolutely right, Raivis. It does look great."

The silvery-haired boy could feel the blush rising to his face. "Takk," he mumbled, trying to focus on anything but the people in front of him. He felt embarrassed that all of the attention was on him and silently hoped that someone would steal the spotlight from him.

"You chose blue too?" Max asked, walking over as he tied his tie. His tie was a soft silvery-blue. It really brought out his eyes. He smiled. "Awesome! Blue is a great color. Yong-Soo chose lavender to match Laura's dress." He rolled his eyes in mock annoyance and made a fake gagging noise, causing Yong-Soo to direct a smack toward him, which he easily dodged. "Neo chose lime green, and Raivis is wearing gold."

Emil smiled. "Now my problem is that I don't know how to tie a tie," he sheepishly admitted.

Max reached out and popped Emil's collar up, slipping the sapphire tie around the back of his neck. "Yong-Soo can't either, but that's just because he's a boosted orangutan," he laughed. "Some guys just don't know how, and that's cool." He tied the tie with ease and flipped Emil's collar back down. "I'll teach you sometime."

"Thanks, Max," the Icelandic boy said. "I really appreciate it."

"Hey, we're friends, aren't we? What good are friends if we don't help each other out every now and then?" Max winked and shot him finger guns. "I got your back." He then went over to Yong-Soo and began trying to wrestle the lavender tie out of his hands. "Give me that before I strangle you with it, you ape!"

.

Saturday, 5:57 PM

Leon and Emil sat in the Asian boy's car that he was borrowing from his brother for Homecoming. They had beaten the rest of the group to the school, the others stopping at the residents of their families for pictures with their significant others. The two sat in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. Each boy kept sneaking glances at the other when he thought the other wasn't looking.

"You know," Leon began, breaking the silence, "you look really good tonight. I wouldn't be surprised if half the girls at the dance asked you to dance." He chuckled to himself. "I mean, you look really good."

"Would you get jealous if I danced with those girls?" Emil asked, looking over at his companion. "I mean, they're going to be looking their absolute best in those tight dresses with their hair and faces all done up."

"Are you trying to make me jealous?" Leon asked, smiling over at the Icelandic boy. "I won't be jealous at all, and here's why." He leaned in close to Emil and whispered in his ear, "Because either way you look at it, you're with me all night."

Emil felt chills through his body as it tensed up. He could feel goosebumps forming on his skin as he turned his head toward Leon to see that their faces were extremely close to each other's. His mind was screaming at him to kiss the boy before him, but what if that wasn't what Leon wanted. He decided to wait for Leon to make the first move.

"I'm sure I've already stated this before, but I am serious when I say I can hardly control myself around you," the Asian boy breathed, getting closer and closer with every word. "And now you have to go and look absolutely irresistible like this." He grabbed Emil's tie, a pleading look in his eyes. "Why do you do this to me?"

The next moment, the two of them were in a full-on liplock, Leon leading as he held Emil tightly. Emil felt like putty in the boy's arms, enjoying the melting feeling that was enveloping him. All either boy could hope for was that their moment wouldn't have to end. But alas, it did.

"I'm so confused," Emil admitted, looking over at Leon.

"What are you confused about?" Leon asked, inspecting the parking lot for any cars that would let him know their friends were there.

"Why is it that we kiss all the time, but we can't be a couple?" the Icelandic boy asked. "I'm just trying to make sense of it all. What really is so complicated about us dating and being a thing?"

Leon was quiet for a moment. "It's just complicated for me to wrap my head around. It's a personal issue that has nothing to do with you." He looked out the window and spotted Yong-Soo's and Max's cars. "Everyone's arriving, let's go."

.

Saturday, 8:48 PM

There was only about an hour left of the dance, and Emil already knew that there was no way he would ever be able to dance with Leon. In fact, Leon hadn't danced with anyone but the girls in their group, and that was only because they threatened to blackmail him if he didn't. Emil had also been dancing with the same girls as Leon, but he just felt empty. Something was gnawing inside of him. He watched Raivis and Neoklis dance together, and nobody had made an issue over it at all. Why couldn't he just dance with Leon? He could feel his depressed feelings taking over. Why did he feel like Leon's dirty, little secret?

"Excuse me," a soft voice said as a slow song came on. It was a voice that Emil had never heard, and it belonged to a girl he had seen in the hallway a few times. She had long, blonde hair and a sapphire dress on. "It looks like we kinda match, don't we?"

Laura, who was sitting behind Emil, chimed in on the conversation. "Oh, my God! You two really do match! That's so cute! Mei, look! They match!"

Mei hurried over and looked the girl and Emil up and down. "Did you two plan this or something?"

The girl giggled. "Not at all," she insisted. "This is just my favorite color!" She was quiet for a moment before saying, "Would you like to dance with me?"

Emil saw Leon nearly fall out of his chair at the girl's bold request and smiled at her. "I would be honored to," he answered. "It's getting old dancing with the same four girls all night, and that's only when they're available." He stood up and offered her his arm. "Let's go."

Laura and Mei cat-called and shouted about how their "little Emmy is growing up" after him. They were too excited to see the jealous scowl on Leon's face. But Yong-Soo and Max sure saw it.

Emil positioned his hands on the girl's waist once they were on the dance floor. "So what's your name?" he asked, smiling softly as they began to sway back and forth.

Her lips curled into a smile as she placed her hands on his shoulders. "My name is Eve," she answered, swaying to the music. "You're a nice dancer."

"Thanks," he answered. "I haven't danced with anyone since I danced with my mother before I moved here. She used to play old records on her record player and make me dance to them with her."

Eve giggled. "That's really cute," she admitted. "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Reykjavik, Iceland," Emil told her. "I moved here this past summer with my older brothers." He blushed, not ready to admit that Lukas and Mathias were married.

"So kinda like Leon?" she asked. "I've known him since middle school. He doesn't really like me, though."

"Why is that?" Emil was intrigued to hear more about this. To him, Leon liked everyone. What could have been so bad that Leon wouldn't like her.

"Okay, so everyone knows that Leon likes guys, I mean it's obvious, right?" Eve began. "Anyway, he started dating this guy named Anthony the summer before our freshman year. What he didn't know was that Anthony liked me more. So every time that his boyfriend would get done hanging out with him, he'd rush over to my house and we would fool around. I'm not exactly sorry for it, though. It's not my fault Anthony was more attracted to me. Anyway, Leon found out three months later, and he blew up on me. It was so stupid. I guess he hasn't dated anyone since because he has really bad trust issues." She rolled her eyes. "So immature."

Emil didn't know what to say. She had just explained Leon's issue with dating him, and here he was, dancing with her. To him, Leon nearly falling out of his chair made a lot of sense at that moment. Was Leon scared that she was going to steal Emil, too?

Before he had time to think any further, he felt himself being pulled away from Eve. He could only hope that it was who he hoped it was.

"Now, you listen to me, and listen well, because I'm only saying this once," Leon growled into his ear. "If you finish dancing this song with her, I'll start acting like nothing has ever happened between us, and we'll go back to what we were before I ever kissed you." His breath was hot on Emil's neck as he took some deep breaths. "Do you understand me?"

"What do I get from you if I just never talk to her again and leave her all alone on the dance floor?" Emil asked with a smile.

Leon was obviously shocked by that response. He was completely taken off guard. "I want you to be mine, and only mine," he admitted. "I don't want to share you with anyone, especially her. When I saw her asking you to dance, that was when my heart sunk and I knew I needed to make a decision about us. Emil, please, I'm begging you. Please cure my loneliness and be my boyfriend."

Emil quickly turned around and pressed his lips to Leon's in the middle of the dance floor, a pretty bold move on his part. He nearly melted when Leon's arms wrapped tightly around him as he kissed back. It was definitely a magical moment that Emil knew he would never forget.


	6. Chapter 6

Once everyone was back at Max's house and changed out of their dance attire, they all gathered in the basement to watch movies on the Schmit family home theater, each couple sitting in a different section, yet only one couple was actually watching what was on the screen. Emil, after kissing Leon at the dance in front of the entire student body, had no idea what to do next, especially since they were technically alone in their corner of the home theater.

Every time Emil dared to look over at his new boyfriend, he always found Leon staring at the screen, but whether the Asian boy was watching the movie or not was anybody's guess. Though he loved being able to admire Leon without him noticing, he wished that he would look over and see his boyfriend gazing back for once. With that said, Emil still tended to blush and look away whenever Leon looked over at him, causing the other boy to smirk and chuckle to himself.

Finally, about halfway through the movie, Emil began to feel brave. He slowly reached his arm over to where Leon's was resting between them, gently placing his pale hand over his boyfriend's tanned one. His breath hitched when Leon reached his thumb up and took his pinky finger captive under it.

The two teenage boys locked eyes for a long moment before Leon grinned and leaned closer to Emil. "Hey, Em, it's okay to breathe," he reminded. "In fact, I would prefer it if you breathed."

Emil let out his breath with a burst of quiet laughter. "Sorry," he softly apologized. "You just took me off guard is all."

Leon raised an eyebrow at him. "I took you off guard just by doing that?" he slowly asked. "Well that was just my thumb. Imagine what else I could do." He winked at his boyfriend before leaning in to kiss him.

The Scandinavian boy's eyes widened, but he quickly forgot about the initial shock of it all as his eyes drifted back shut and his mouth opened against the other boy's lips. His arms wrapped around his boyfriend's shoulders, tangling his fingers into the Asian boy's hair as Leon leaned in toward him. Emil held tightly to Leon as they kissed, struggling to keep himself anchored to reality as his head spun with moments of pure fantasy.

Through all of the chaotic, semi-lustful feelings going on in his head as they kissed, Emil felt Leon's hands caressing his sides over his shirt. Unable to contain it all inside of him, he let out a soft moan against his boyfriend's lips. Shocked from the moan in general, he quickly pulled away from the other boy, violet eyes wide.

Leon couldn't keep his excited smile to himself. "What was that?" he softly teased. "Was that what I think it was?"

Cheeks a rosy red in embarrassment, Emil shyly crossed his arms over himself and began to mentally dive back into the depths of his mind to lock away the memory of the first time he made a sexual noise at his boyfriend, hopefully never to be remembered again. And for the rest of the night, he kept every noise to himself, too embarrassed to let Leon hear.

.

Lukas rolled up to Max's house just before noon the next morning, radio blasting the music from some new hardcore band he had discovered, causing Emil to blush as his friends all told him how cool his brother was. Emil quickly denied Lukas ever being "cool" and hurried off toward the embarrassingly loud music.

"Bro, check this out!" Lukas excitedly enthused the moment Emil shut his car door. He opened his mouth wide and stuck his tongue out to reveal a diamond stud on his tongue. "I got my tongue pierced!"

Emil tried not to cringe as he buckled his seatbelt. "Oh," was the reaction he finally decided upon. "That's pretty cool, I guess." He turned his head from his brother and blankly stared out the window as they pulled away from the large house.

"You know what I think?" the older of the two thought aloud. "I think we need matching tattoos or something to solidify the fact that we're brothers."

"I think matching addresses on our ID's is solid," Emil stated with a sigh. He appreciated what his brother was trying to do for him, but he felt it was too late in his life for it. Having only met Lukas not even six months ago, Emil wasn't too sure on getting a permanent reminder of the fact that he'd unknowingly had a brother the whole time.

Inside Emil's head, he mentally chided himself for being so rude to Lukas, who was only trying to bond with him and get to know him. But if Lukas had known about him the whole time, why hadn't he come sooner? What made it so important for him to be a caring older brother now, of all times? And also, what made Lukas suddenly turn into being a teenager again instead of the responsible adult older brother that Emil had met that summer? What was really going on with his brother?

"Hello?" Lukas asked, bringing Emil back out of his thoughts. He was answering a call on his phone, which Emil had mistaken as a call for his attention. "Yeah, I just picked him up. We're on our way there." The pale blond listened for a moment. "How should I know? We'll be there in a few minutes." He paused to listen one last time. "Okay, I love you too. Later." Lukas hung up his phone and looked over to his brother. "You don't mind if we go to the University to have lunch with Mat, right?"

Emil shook his head as they turned onto Melrose Drive. He watched as Kinnick Stadium and the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics got closer and closer. As they turned onto Hawkins Drive, Emil's eyes went wide. The hospital that his brother-in-law worked at was enormous!

After parking their car, Emil and Lukas walked across a skywalk from the parking ramp to the actual hospital. They took an escalator down to the first floor and ended up in the main lobby. There was a woman playing a beautiful grand piano in the middle of it as they walked toward the cafeteria, which was close to the emergency room, where Mathias worked as a triage nurse.

Mathias was waiting at the entrance to the cafeteria. "Hey guys, thanks for joining me for lunch," he greeted with a grin. "Work has been extra killer today, so it's good to see my two favorite faces." He pulled Lukas into a hug and kissed his cheek. "What do you say we get some food?"

Emil grabbed a tray and stepped into the cafeteria, completely surprised by the large variety of food directly in front of him. His eyes widened at the number of options. At just the sight of the many different cuisines to choose from, his heart began to pick up in speed. There was no way he was going to be able to make a decision to eat something in time to eat with Lukas and Mathias! As he tended to do in those situations, he got in line behind Lukas and just got everything Lukas did.

Once they reached the seating area, which was pretty crowded, Mathias led the way to a table that was empty except for one person. Mathias sat next to the person with a wide grin on his face. "Hey man, what's up?" he greeted as Emil and Lukas walked over and sat down across from Mathias and the person.

"Emil?" the person at the table asked in an all-too-familiar accent. Emil's eyes darted up to see Leon's brother Yao sitting across from him. "What are you doing here?" The thoughts in Yao's head all seemed to connect as he turned to Mathias. "Wait a minute. Don't tell me Emil is younger brother you tell me about?"

The Danish man eyed Yao and Emil suspiciously before speaking. "And how do you know Emil, Yao?"

"Are you kidding?" Yao laughed. "Emil comes to my house all the time. My younger brother is his boyfriend."

Lukas choked on his coffee for a moment, quickly covering his mouth with a napkin. "Wait a minute," he said between coughs. "My little brother is dating your little brother? Since when? Why haven't I heard about this?" He quickly shot a non-threatening sapphire glare over to Emil.

"Oh, it was only made official last night at the dance," Yao quickly answered, ignoring Emil's pleading gaze to him. "Leon texted me about it right after it happened. He was so excited." The Chinese man chuckled. "I swear, Emil and Leon are quite the pair."

Lukas narrowed his eyes at Emil. "So Leon is that friend you were telling me about, huh?" he asked his brother. "The one who also lives with his older brother?" He watched Emil slowly nod before shrugging. "Well all the best to the boys, right?" he cheerfully told Yao.

"That's what I'm thinking," Yao laughed. "Also, who taught Emil his manners? He is the most well-behaved guest we've had in our house in years. Much better than that Korean kid who used to come over all the time."

Emil zoned out as the three adults began talking. He couldn't believe that Yao had so casually told Lukas about his and Leon's relationship. Now Lukas would never let him live it down that he heard about his relationship from a virtual stranger.

All Emil wanted to do was crawl under the table and disappear from existence. Though the spotlight was no longer on him, he could still feel the heat from when it was. His lungs felt heavy and full whenever he breathed, no matter how much air was actually inside them. He could feel his body burning up in some areas, yet there was no chance for anything to relieve it. It were almost as if everything stopped and was now moving again in slow motion, gradually picking up speed.

Once things started to return to normal and make sense once more, Emil noticed that everyone was finished eating. Everyone except for him. His food was left untouched and was now lukewarm. So as not to attract suspicion from the other men at the table, he quickly took a few large bites to make it look like he had been eating the whole time.

The food was like cardboard in his mouth, in the aspects of both taste and texture. Though he had taken a bite of pizza, it felt as if there were sharp and pointy edges to it. His teeth couldn't chew up the thick crust the way he wanted them to, unable to cut the pizza between them. With a hefty gulp, he managed to swallow it, yet he felt it go the whole way to his stomach.

Emil cringed and pushed the tray of food away from him, trying not to attract attention from the others at the table. Luckily, he didn't, which made him feel slightly less nervous than he already was. Trying to find something mindless to do, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. The lock screen was up, showing off a selfie Leon had taken of the two of them at the dance after everything with Eve had gone down. A tiny smile formed on his lips as he gazed at Leon's smile in the picture.

"Is that him?" Lukas asked, shattering Emil's thoughts of peace. He was leaning toward his younger brother and smiling at the lock screen. His sapphire gaze went back up to Yao. "Your brother looks pretty similar to you, Yao."

"Oh, really?" Yao asked, blushing. "Well, thanks. Though we may look similar, Leon and I are complete polar opposites. Emil can attest to that."

With all eyes on him, Emil couldn't help but absently nod his agreement. It was anything he could do to get them to stop looking at him. Attention from adults scared him and made him feel like slightly less of a person. Though the feeling could never be properly put into words, it was more relevant than any other thing Emil had ever felt. Not just relevant, but intense.

Not much longer after that, it was time for Lukas and Emil to leave. Yao had already gone back to work, and Mathias was getting ready to head back to the ER. Emil followed his guardians to the entrance to the ER and quickly averted his eyes when Lukas kissed Mathias goodbye.

"When were you going to tell me about Leon?" Lukas asked once they were in the car. He pulled his seat belt across his body and pushed it into the slot with a small click. "Don't you think that's some exciting news you could have shared with your brother like Leon did with Yao?"

Emil, already buckled in, absently gazed at the concrete wall in front of them. He slowly shrugged. "It's not like I meant to keep it from you. I just thought it didn't matter too much. I mean, it's just a high school boyfriend. It's not like I got married behind your back."

"You might as well have," Lukas sighed, starting the car. "Look, I feel bad that I wasn't around until a few months ago. I'm trying so hard to be part of your life. Like that time you had a hickey and I pretended to not notice," he began, unaware of Emil's red face. "I didn't acknowledge it because I was hoping you'd want to tell me about it. I just want to be someone you can talk to about things. You're my little brother, and I want to give you advice that I wish I had gotten at your age. I didn't have a big brother, but sometimes I look back and wish I had."

"I didn't even know you existed for the majority of my life," Emil defended. "And then when you showed up, you took me away from Mom and brought me to a country where everything is so much more different than anything I had ever known. Excuse me for not telling you everything that goes on in my life. I'm still not used to this whole 'brothers' thing." He crossed his arms over his chest and turned his head to look out the passenger's side window, stopping the conversation right then and there.

.

Once Monday morning finally rolled around, Emil felt a bit more relieved. He could finally see Leon again. After the fiasco with Lukas in the car, Emil had barely spoken to him. It was simply small talk over dinner and things of that sort. Though Emil felt awkward about it, there was nothing he could really do.

On the way to school, Emil noticed Lilli stumbling down the street and asked Lukas to pull over and pick her up. His older brother willingly obliged as Emil rolled down the window on his side of the car and called out to the small blonde.

Lilli looked up, startled, at the sound of her name and hurried over to the car. She got into the backseat without a word, eyes red and puffy, her nose bright red. Her hands scrubbed at her eyes as if to wring the last of her tears out of them. It was obvious that something had happened at home that morning or the night before, but Emil knew better than to ask with his brother present.

As Lukas began driving once more, Emil slipped his hand behind his seat and felt Lilli grab it tightly with hers, squeezing it as if her life depended on it. Though Lukas cast his brother and the young girl in the back seat curious looks, he never said a word until after Lilli had hopped out of the car at the school.

Lukas grabbed Emil's arm, holding him back for a brief moment. "I don't know who that girl is, or what your connection to her may be, but it's obvious that she needed you today. Make sure you take care of her, okay?"

Emil nodded and got out, shutting the door behind him. He then turned to Lilli. "I'm sorry about my brother," he apologized as Lukas drove away. "He's a bit strange." He grabbed Lilli's hand in his as he led her toward their friend group's designated meeting place. "Though I have no idea what's going on, I can tell that things aren't okay. I'm not going to try to pry it out of you or make you talk about it. But I will do one thing. I will listen if you ever need to talk about it."

The blonde girl smiled to herself before standing on her tip-toes and kissing his cheek. "Thanks, Emmy," she softly said, forcing a smile. "I'm sorry to have made you worry. I'll try not to let it happen again." Lilli squeezed his hand before letting go and running off toward Natalia.

Emil had never seen Lilli looking so small and defeated, which really made him wonder about her. His mind pondered over what could have made her react in such a way, and within moments it wasn't just her situation that he was pondering. He honestly had no idea what the actual home lives of any of his friends were like. It made him wonder how well he really knew them.

"It's a fucking Monday!" Leon shouted out from behind Emil. He was walking with Yong-Soo and mostly speaking with emphatic hand gestures.

"It doesn't matter if it's a Monday or not," Yong-Soo chimed in as they got closer to their group of friends, "you hate every day that you have to come to school."

"Nah, man," the Cantonese boy said, shaking his head. "What you don't understand is that Monday is kinda like a deception day. You had the whole weekend to just dick around and do whatever, and then Monday just hits you like a knee to the balls. I mean, there are even times where there is no school on Mondays! Then I have to get pissed off at Tuesday, and I really don't like doing that because Tuesday didn't do anything wrong!"

"And just how many drugs are you on?" Neoklis asked Leon once they were close enough. "I mean, everyone hates Monday. Monday is a bitch. But if you think Tuesday is completely innocent, that's where you're wrong. Wednesday is the only day that really has your back because of early outs from school."

Leon dramatically pointed to his friend. "You are absolutely correct, Neo. And that is why we keep you around."

"Actually it's because you don't like doing your own homework, but I guess that's none of my business," Neoklis muttered back, slinging his arm around Raivis, who snickered and snuggled up to him.

Emil smiled at the exchange, thoughts of his friends' home lives instantly leaving his mind. His smile widened as Leon rested his elbow on his shoulder. Oh, how he loved that smile! If it were to ever fade in his presence, there was no telling what he might do. Just the thought of it was almost too much to bear!

"How was your morning?" Leon asked, yawning slightly as he covered his mouth with his hand. "Are things still awkward with you and Luke? Sorry about my brother blabbing to him. I honestly didn't think he knew your brother, or brother-in-law for that matter." He gave Emil a non-committal shrug. "I'm sorry that you had an awkward Sunday because of my dumbass brother."

Emil swatted his hand in front of him as if brushing the topic away from them. "It's fine," he assured. "When things are normal with Luke and me, they're only slightly less awkward than yesterday. Now Mat is the one you need to apologize about." He glanced over at his boyfriend to see Leon grinning with anticipation. "When he got home from work last night, he nearly kicked open my bedroom door to tell me about the 'Rainbow Birds and the Bees', and that was a conversation I really didn't want. Look what you have done to my home life."

The dark-haired boy was doubled over laughing. "Rainbow birds and bees!" he chortled. "That's the best thing I've heard in awhile!"

"Yes," Emil sarcastically commented, "hilarious." He rolled his eyes. "You should've told me that you told Yao, though. That way, I could've texted Lukas and he would have had time to process it before Yao just blurted it out in normal conversation."

"But where is the thrill in that?" Leon joked, softly pinching Emil's cheek.

"Thrill," the Icelandic boy sighed. "Yes. That's what I felt."

.

Being late to second period was not on Emil's agenda for the morning, but his teacher had held him back to discuss proper English phrasing. Since the bell had already rung and he knew he was already counted as tardy, Emil made no effort whatsoever to hurry off to class. Yet while not hurrying, he stumbled upon Lilli crying in the hallway.

She looked up the moment his footsteps stopped before her, trying to blink her tears back into her watery, green eyes. Without a word, she reached out and hugged Emil, wrapping her arms around his torso and burying her face in his chest.

Emil could feel her tears soaking through his shirt, but he wasn't about to pull away. She obviously needed a hug, so that's what he was going to give her. He didn't ask any questions, he just stood there, knowing that it would all make sense at another time.

Once Lilli was finished crying, she finally pulled away and wiped her tears from her eyes with the back of her hands. "Ever since this morning it's been you who has found me each time. God, I'm such a mess. I shouldn't have come to school today." She tried to take a deep breath, but it kept catching in the back of her throat. "I hate guns, I hate them!"

The young blonde leaned against the wall and sunk down to the floor. "My brother had to stay in Fort Madison last night for work, and his girlfriend had to work overnight at her job, so I had to stay with my friend Jiri. That's why I was within walking distance of school." Her eyes began to water again as her face contorted into a frown that didn't suit her. "In the middle of the night, Jiri's best friend Alena called him. She was screaming and panicking. I could tell she was crying. Jiri kept telling her to calm down and speak clearly." Lilli's eyes suddenly looked heavy as her mind's eye remembered everything, as if her green orbs held the weight of the world in them. "Once the message was relayed to him, Jiri took off out the front door, leaving me by myself." The way she looked at that exact moment made her look like the hollow shell of the cheerful and charming teenage girl everyone knew her as. "He called me to check in a little over an hour later. I could hear people yelling and crying in the background. There was a lot of beeping. I could make out that he was at the hospital." A few more tears slipped down her cheeks. "A friend of ours shot himself in the head last night, and we're not sure if he's going to make it. I told Vash not to encourage Arthur to get a gun." She wiped her face. "No one listens to me."

Emil felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. Lilli's words had knocked the wind out of him. Someone she personally knew had shot himself the night before? Just a few hours ago? It seemed too real to Emil. Was this a common thing in America?


	7. Chapter 7

That day at lunch, the entire group came together to comfort Lilli. Mei and Laura bought Lilli's favorite snacks from the cafeteria shop as Natalia held Lilli's hand and said comforting things to her. Neoklis and Raivis did the homework that Lilli was unable to do the night before, so that she could turn it in on time. Yong-Soo, being bad with people and things like this, was quickly dragged away by Max to get Lilli one of her favorite sodas to drink. Leon held the girl's other hand from across the table as a form of comfort, offering comforting words wherever he could spare them.

Emil felt as if he were the only one who didn't have anything to offer to Lilli. He felt horrible as he sat next to Leon and just stared down at the table, unable to think of anything that he could do for her. It wasn't exactly the ideal position that he wanted to find himself in, but he felt stuck. All he could do was hope that he really wasn't coming across as the jackass he felt like he was being.

"If Emil hadn't been in the hallway earlier, who knows what could've happened," Lilli quietly said, causing the Icelandic boy to look up at her in surprise. "I can't imagine what would've happened if a teacher had found me instead." She offered her friend a kind smile. "Thank you for finding me, Emmy. You really saved my ass."

"I didn't really do anything," he quietly countered. Though she was thanking him just for sitting next to her in the hallway and helping her by letting her cry it out to him, he didn't feel like he did anything that was thank-worthy, so he felt more awkward than anything. He couldn't figure out why she was praising and thanking him just for letting her cry on his shoulder. Everyone else was doing something that was much more caring and friend-like, yet she seemed focused on him.

"He and his brother even gave me a ride to school this morning," Lilli piped up. "They saw me walking down the street by myself and picked me up. His brother is so nice."

Emil snorted. "Are you sure we're talking about the same person? Lukas is more of an ass than anything." He smiled, trying to imagine what Lukas would think of Lilli saying he was nice. "That said, I think he would be happy to know that you think he's nice. I'll be sure to tell him for you."

Natalia smiled. "Is he really that much of an ass?" she asked. "I mean, he let you stay at Max's house with us during homecoming, and he didn't even know any of us. My parents would never allow that. Hell, they won't even let me stay with my cousin half the time because Leon lives there and he's a boy my age."

"Wait, what?" Emil asked, a look of confusion dawning on his face. "Who is your cousin?"

Leon rolled his eyes dramatically before looking to his boyfriend. "Who do you think?" he groaned. "I mean, how could you not tell that she and Ivan are related?"

"Wait, they are?!" the Icelandic boy exclaimed. "What?!"

Natalia giggled. "Oh, Emil, how I love you. Yes, Ivan is my cousin. When he moved here from Russia, he lived with us until he met Yao. After that, Leon transferred to my school. Not many people know that we're technically cousins, even though they wouldn't exactly believe us anyway."

The Asian boy at the table grinned at his "cousin". "As if you'd ever admit that to anyone other than our friend group anyway," he snarkily responded.

"That's the truth. Who would want to be related to you anyway?" She looked to Lilli, whom she was glad to see seemed to be enjoying the conversation. "Anyway, Lil, where are you going after school? Don't Vash and Irunya work tonight?"

Lilli sighed, frowning. "I have no idea. Usually I stay with Jiri, but his grandma is visiting today and needs the guest room." She held her head in her hands. "I could always stay at home, but I just really don't want to be alone tonight, you know?"

"I wish you could stay with us, but you know how my parents are about staying on school nights," Natalia sighed. "Do you know anyone? I really don't want you staying by yourself if you don't have to."

"Yeah, me too," the other girl sighed. "Unfortunately, I don't think I'll get that lucky."

Emil thought for a moment before pulling out his phone. "Let me see what I can do."

.

Lilli's eyes were wide when she walked into the apartment Emil shared with the Køhler family. She looked around at how immaculately clean it was, commenting on how she had never seen a home that was so clean. Her marvelling made her Icelandic friend decide not to tell her that it was only this clean because she was there.

"Your apartment is beautiful," she slowly said, directing her gaze to the many pictures on the walls. She walked over to the window and looked out over the city. "It even has one of the best views of the city!" Her eyes lit up as she turned to look at Emil. "When do your brothers get home? I would love to meet them!"

"I think Mat is working until about seven-ish," he replied, thinking hard. "He's a triage nurse at the University of Iowa Hospital. And I think Lukas should be home around five. He usually is anyway."

"Do your neighbors always bring you home after school?" Lilli asked, remembering the bubbly and happy man who gave them a ride home, along with his two sons in the backseat.

"Yeah," Emil answered with a nod. "Although as payment for that, I tutor their kids." He then glanced at the time on his phone. "The gremlins should be here soon. I hope you don't mind me helping them with homework while you're here."

"Not at all!" she excitedly replied. She seemed really excited to be in her newest friend's home overnight, so much so that it seemed she would enjoy even doing chores there. Her entire expression perked up when she heard a knock at the door. "Is that them?"

"Should be," he replied before walking to the door. He opened it to reveal two middle school-aged boys. "You two know where the living room is."

The smaller of the boys had angelic features, blond hair and beautiful, blue eyes. He looked over at Lilli with wide eyes before scampering over to her excitedly. "Is this your girlfriend?" he excitedly asked. His smile widened as he looked up at her. "I'm Peter!"

"It's nice to meet you, Peter," Lilli replied, smiling back at him. "You seem to be the cheery type." She sat down on the couch and looked over at the other boy, who had just thrown his backpack to the floor. "Is something the matter?"

"He's angry because he was in the middle of painting when Dad sent us here," Peter explained, using his finger to draw a ling from his cheek and across his nose to indicate the green line on his brother's face. "Erland is an artist, and he hates to be interrupted when he's in the middle of a project. Don't you, Erl?"

The ginger-haired boy glared at his brother. "Shut up, Peter," he grumbled, throwing himself into an armchair.

Emil placed his hands on the back of the chair that Erland was occupying. "Sorry, Lil," he sighed. "He's always like this." He ignored the glare shot to him by the boy in the armchair. "They're only here for about an hour. Please bear with them."

"You're acting like we're just a giant bother to you," Erland groaned.

"When you act like this, can you really blame me?" The Icelandic boy was silent as he waited for a retort from the other boy, which never came. "That's what I thought. Now get your homework out."

Peter giggled as he sat down on the floor in front of Lilli and unloaded his homework onto the coffee table. "They always argue like this," he explained to Lilli. He lowered his voice as he said, "Erland actually really looks up to Emil, but he would never admit it to anyone else." A pink eraser suddenly hit Peter in the head. "Hey!" he exclaimed, looking over toward his brother.

"Shut up," the other boy snarled at him. "Don't say stupid things like that. I would never look up to someone like him!" There was a noticeable venom in his voice when he said the final word, but too much venom for Lilli to actually believe him. It was quite obvious to her that he really did admire her friend.

Emil, who was holding Erland's notebook and looking over it, whapped the younger boy over the head with it. "Get your head in the zone, Erland," he reprimanded, failing to hide the smile on his face. "Let's get started."

Lilli grinned widely as she watched Emil enter what she called "Big Brother Mode". She loved watching him coach the two brothers through their schoolwork that the couldn't understand. Her impression of what Emil's home life really was had really been off-base from the reality of it. To her, it was as if she was seeing a brand new side of Emil that no one else had seen. It mesmerized her, and was almost sad when it was time for the younger boys to go.

.

When Mathias arrived home that night, he was surprised to find out that the friend of Emil's who was staying overnight with them was a girl. Lukas had failed to mention the gender. His eyes widened at the sight of the petite blonde. She was so cute that Mathias couldn't take his eyes off of her as she helped Lukas set the table for dinner.

"I'm home," he announced, walking into the kitchen where Lukas was busy finishing up dinner preparations. He wrapped his arms around Lukas from behind and rested his head on his husband's shoulder. "How's your day been so far?" he asked, kissing his cheek.

Lukas smiled slightly when Mathias kissed him. "It's been pretty okay," he answered. "Work was stupid, as usual." He turned off the stovetop and turned to face his husband. "How's your day?"

"Just another day of triage," the Dane replied. "No interesting stories today, unfortunately." He decided that then would be the perfect time to bring up the one thing that was currently on his mind. "So Emil's friend is a girl?" he finally managed to say. "She's one of the most adorable people I have ever seen."

"I know, right?" Lukas enthused. "She's the one who invites him to the study sessions they all have, too." He smiled widely. "The moment I got home, she excitedly introduced herself to me. It turns out that she was the girl I picked up this morning on the way to school. And get this." He pulled Mathias even closer as he lowered his voice. "She's the sweetest thing. Without me even asking either of them, she offered to help with getting dinner prepared."

Mathias gasped in mock surprise. "Maybe your brother could learn a thing or two from her," he whispered back.

"Lukas," a tiny feminine voice said from the doorway, "I finished setting the table. Is there anything else that you need help with?"

"That should be good, Lilli," Lukas responded, smiling at the girl in the doorway. "Thank you very much. I appreciate it."

Mathias turned his attention from his husband to the girl. "You must be Emil's friend," he said, smiling warmly at her. "I'm Mathias Køhler, Emil's brother-in-law. It's nice to meet you."

Lilli blushed, averting her eyes for a moment. "It's nice to meet you, Mathias," she replied. "My name is Lilli Zwingli. I'm Emil's first friend he made at school," she proudly told him. "Everyone in our little group adores him and they all became friends quickly. Thank you for allowing me to stay here tonight. Some rather difficult things have happened, and I am very grateful for the fact that I don't have to be alone at home."

Feeling pity for the girl after seeing the sad look on her face during her last sentence, Mathias couldn't stop himself from saying, "You're welcome here whenever you need it." He sighed. "I'm sorry that you're going through a rough patch right now. If you need anything at all, don't be afraid to ask us."

A bright smile made its way to the girl's lips. "Thank you very much, Mathias," she cheerfully replied. "I appreciate it."

Mathias and Lukas were absolutely charmed by the girl, just like anyone else who encountered her. Only her friends from school knew how devious she could really be when she wanted to be. Due to her adorable looks, Lilli was always able to wrap adults around her finger, and Emil's family was no exception.

"Let me guess," Emil began when Lilli sat down next to him on the couch, "Mathias absolutely loves you?"

"Am I good, or what?" she giggled. She checked her phone to see a text from Leon, laughing as she read it. "Leon is so jealous right now. He wishes he got to be here too after I told him how nice your place was."

Emil rolled his eyes. "He'll come here eventually," he said. "I'm just not really all that used to having people other than Lukas and Mathias here. I plan on inviting him soon, though. First, I have to lay down ground rules with my brothers to make sure they don't embarrass me into an early grave."

"There's no way they could be that bad," she laughed.

"You have no idea," he groaned back. "Don't worry. Before too long, you'll see what I mean."

.

Lilli definitely saw what Emil meant during dinner. She had to stifle many giggles as Lukas and Mathias fussed over and doted on her friend, much to his dismay. Her heart felt full, witnessing firsthand just how loved Emil truly was, even if he complained about it to great lengths.

The evening went on without a hitch. It was decided that Lilli would sleep in Emil's room, and that he would sleep on the couch. Though it was common knowledge that the two showed know interest in each other, Lukas and Mathias felt that Lilli shouldn't have to share a room with a teenage boy. Neither of the students had any problems with that ruling, seeing as how Emil really wanted his friend to feel comfortable during her stay.

As Emil laid on the couch, miserably failing to fall asleep, he heard his phone go off. He quickly checked it to find a text from Lilli, asking him to come to his room. Hoping nothing was going wrong, he quickly hurried off down the hallway, careful not to tip off his brothers as to what he was doing.

Lilli looked so small, lying in the center of his full size bed. She almost seemed to be cowering as Emil entered the room and closed the door. "Emmy," she said in a small voice, I don't want to be alone…" Her hands scrolled through her phone as she pulled up a chat conversation. "I already texted Leon and Nat and explained the situation, and they gave me their approval and said they wouldn't be angry at all." She turned the screen off and gave Emil a pleading look. "Please sleep in here with me," she begged in a tiny, timid voice that was so unlike herself that Emil could hardly believe what he was hearing. "If I'm alone, I think I'll be worrying about Arthur all night." She sat up and hugged her knees to her chest. "I can't stand being alone right now. Please just do me a favor." Lilli's gaze fell to her knees. "I really hope this isn't asking too much, because I would hate for you to feel awkward around me."

"It's not a big deal," Emil stated, walking over to the bed. He sat on the edge of his bed before crawling under the covers as well. Keeping a respectable distance from her after she scooted over, he turned his full attention to his friend. "Is your mind dwelling on what happened yesterday?"

"Yeah," she quietly said. "I don't know what I'm going to do if he doesn't recover." A couple tears streamed down the sides of her face. "Suicide is a terrifying concept to me, Emil. It scares me to even think about how much someone I love could've suffered enough to want to die. The idea of someone feeling so horrible that they think death is the only way to solve things is so painful to think about." Lilli looked over at Emil. "What scares me the most was that Arthur was just fine until he shot himself last night. How could someone's mindset change that quickly?" Her body shook with silent sobs. "It terrifies me to think that anyone I love could suddenly die like that without warning, and that I couldn't do anything to save them. Life is such a fragile and fickle thing. If someone in our friend group were to ever commit suicide, I would never be able to forgive myself for not seeing their pain that was so great they had to die to escape it."

Emil silently took in every word that she said. He understood how upset she was over that. Deep inside, he felt the same way she did about it. Part of him wondered if he should tell her about how depressed he was a lot of the time. Yet while that part of him wondered about telling her, another part was harping at him for even thinking of bringing up a topic that would give her more stress to deal with. The loudest part of himself was screaming at him that it wasn't like he was depressed enough to end it all anyway, so he needed to keep it to himself. He considered all of those things and decided it would be best to keep it to himself. After all, it wasn't like he was always depressed. It was only occasional.

"I don't ever want to lose a friend to something as horrible as that," she decisively stated. "All I want is to live a long, happy life with my friends. It wouldn't be that same if one of them was gone."

"Even if it was me?" Emil dared to ask. "I haven't been friends with you all for that long."

Lilli looked at him with teary eyes. "Emmy, it doesn't matter how long you have been in the group," she explained. "You're a part of it now. If you were to suddenly leave the group, it would never be the same. We love you, Emil. Please don't say things like that, even if you're not serious. I would hate it if you were suddenly gone, and I'm certain that everyone else feels the same." She wiped away the tears that had spilled from her eyes. "If you're ever upset or have any sort of problem that you can't sort out on your own, please come to one of us for help. You don't ever need to suffer alone when there are people who care about you and want to help."

The intensity in her eyes made Emil feel guilty for keeping his depression from her, but he knew that it wasn't a good time to mention it. She was too upset for that. Instead he took her hand and looked into her eyes as he said, "If I ever get to the point where I can't bear how upset I am, I will reach out to you all. I know that I shouldn't suffer alone, so I won't."

"Do you promise?" she asked, sticking her pinky finger out to him.

Emil wrapped his pinky around hers. "I promise," he said.

Lilli seemed to relax a bit after that, lying back against her pillow. "Thank you, Emil," she softly said, stifling a yawn. "I think I will be able to sleep easier tonight."

"Not a problem." He still couldn't believe that he had told her such a bold-faced lie and got away with it. His heart felt heavy as lead with guilt as he watched Lilli close her eyes and begin to nod off.

"I'm glad that I can trust you," she yawned, drowsiness slurring her words. "Please stay in here with me tonight. You can blame me in the morning if your brothers get upset. I'll take the fall for you."

Emil smiled at her. "If you say so, Lil."

"Goodnight," she sleepily slurred at him. "I hope we can always be best friends like this. That would be the best thing in the whole world."

"I hope so too," he quietly agreed. He smiled as she finally nodded off to sleep.

Seeing her sleeping so soundly like that, he wondered if she had gotten any sleep at all the night before. From what he knew about Lilli, she was the type who worried for the people she cared about, no matter what the physical toll to her body. She seemed so much smaller as she slept, so tiny that Emil was suddenly aware of just how fragile she really was. Though Lilli was known to talk tough, she really was just as sensitive as other girls.

The weight of lying to such a sweet and trusting girl pinned him down to his side of the bed. He could feel it pressing down on his chest to the point that he would've gasped for air if he wasn't worried about waking his sleeping friend. Instead, he endured the suffocating feeling, hoping that it would end before morning. Was this his punishment for keeping something like that from her when she had point-blank asked him to tell her?

Finally managing to roll over onto his side, his back facing Lilli, he felt like he could breathe once more. It was a slightly more comfortable position, yet his body felt as if it were made of lead. He knew there was no way he could fall asleep like that, yet he dreaded being awake. If he was awake, he was going to be alone with his thoughts, which was scarier to him than any nightmare that his brain had to offer.

.

Once morning had rolled around and the two had to wake up for school, Emil noticed that he had slept a grand total of about two hours. Knowing that was the best he would get, he woke Lilli up and the two prepared for school.

Lukas and Mathias were surprised to see them both emerge from Emil's room that morning, but they chose not to say anything. Having figured it had something to do with the reason why Lilli was there in the first place, Lukas advised his husband not to ask about it. Instead, they just asked how they slept that night when they sat down for breakfast.

While apparent that Emil had barely slept at all, he still claimed that he got a good night's sleep. No one really bought it, yet they didn't push the matter any further. Besides, he took a nice nap at lunch on Leon's shoulder, to which his boyfriend took many selfies because Emil looked to precious to pass it up.


	8. Chapter 8

A week later, Emil sat in his living room with Peter and Erland, trying to get the boys to focus on their homework for even just five minutes. It was a Friday, and both boys were antsy about the weekend and the fact that there was no school that following Monday for teachers' inservice day. On any normal weekend, the two would focus slightly more than this on a Friday, but due to there being a three-day weekend, it was impossible.

"Forget it," Emil finally said, caving into the shenanigans of the brothers. "Tutoring is done. You can do whatever you want until your dad comes for you." He sighed and pulled his phone from his pocket. There were many messages from his friends in the group chat they had going, and there were some individual messages from Leon as well, telling him to check the group chat. "What the hell is so important?" he mumbled to himself, trying not to be heard by the younger boys. He stood up and went to sit at the dining room table as he checked the group chat.

After scrolling through the multiple "Where the hell is Emil?!" messages, he finally reached the topic of the chat for that day. His eyes widened as he read it. They were all planning a trip to Southeast Iowa that weekend. Apparently Lilli had something to do in Fort Madison with her brother but he didn't want her to be alone. He had apparently gotten them rooms at a hotel in a town called Keokuk and Lilli wanted to know who all would be going.

Emil wondered if Lukas and Mathias would let him go. He read into the messages and saw the Lilli's brother and his girlfriend would be staying at the hotel as well. If he told his brothers that, would they let him go? He checked to see who would be taking them and saw that Leon, Yong-Soo, and Mei would be driving. It was about a two-hour trip, and apparently they made this trip every once in awhile.

After seeing the neighbor boys off, Emil cleaned up around the apartment, to put Lukas in the best mood possible before he asked. More than anything, he wanted his brother to allow him to go. According to the messages, they would be leaving tomorrow morning since what Lilli had to do down there would be happening in the early afternoon. He had never really been outside of Iowa City other than when they landed in Des Moines when moving here. A small trip to rural Iowa with his friends would be nice.

Lukas arrived about an hour later than he normally did, but he didn't seem too stressed out. Emil's guess was that he just lost track of time while at work, since that happened every now and then. He kicked off his shoes at the front door and hung his jacket up in the front hall closet. His eyes widened when he noticed the cleanliness of the living room.

"Did you clean the apartment?" the older of the two asked in shock. His sapphire eyes examined the tidiness that was nonexistent when he had left the house that morning. "Takk, Emil." He then looked over at his younger brother. "Now, what are you up to?"

Emil blushed from being found out so quickly. "Remember when Lilli stayed overnight here last week?" he began. Knowing that Lukas really liked Lilli would give him the upper hand in this situation. "Well, her brother works down in Fort Madison, or whatever it's called. It's about a two-hour drive from here. Anyway, he wanted her to go down there for some reason this weekend, and he said she could bring her friends with her. She wanted to know if I could go with her. We would be leaving tomorrow morning and be back Monday evening."

Lukas was quiet for a moment, looking as if he were genuinely considering it. "And you don't have school Monday?" he asked. He thought for a little longer. "It shouldn't be a problem, but I'll have to talk it over with Mathias when he gets home, okay?"

Knowing that was pretty much a confirmation that he could go, Emil couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, I can wait until then," he said, nodding. He then headed to his room to text his friends and tell them that he could go. His heart was pounding at the idea of going on a weekend trip with his friends. He was so excited that he could hardly stand it. His hands trembled as he typed out the text to the group chat.

Moments later, his phone nearly exploded with excited texts from all of his friends. They were all excited and couldn't wait for Saturday. A lot of the texts were telling Emil how much he would like this weekend in Keokuk and how they always have a lot of fun whenever they go. Some of the texts were plans for things they could do over the weekend together. Emil's excitement built up as he read all the things they could do, and it made him wonder just how big that town really was. Either way, he was so excited that time seemed to pass more slowly than he wanted to it. It felt like Mathias would never come home.

.

The next morning, Emil went through his travel bag one last time, making sure that he had everything he needed. Mathias had come home and was almost as excited as Emil over the fact that he was invited on a weekend trip with his friends. He kept saying things like, "Lukas, our moody boy is likeable! His friends really like him!" Though his teasing was annoying and relentless, Emil could still tell just how happy his brother-in-law was for him. After all, it was Mathias who thought it was going to be hard for him to make friends.

Mathias knocked on Emil's open door, standing in the doorway to his room. "So Lukas and I were talking, and we realized that you don't really have any source of income," he began. "That won't do you any good this weekend, so we have decided to give you some money." He held out his hand, a crisp $100 bill was in it. "We want you to have a great time this weekend, so this is for you."

Emil slowly accepted the bill that was held out to him. He looked up at Mathias, speechless. "What? You mean it? This is for me?"

His brother-in-law ruffled his hair, grinning widely. "Who else would it be for?" he laughed. "Have fun this weekend, kid. You deserve it." Mathias turned to leave the room, but stopped when he heard Emil's cautious voice.

"Are you sure this is okay?" the Icelandic boy asked, overwhelmed with emotion. "Is it really okay for me to take this much with me?"

A smile took over Mathias's face. "If it wasn't okay, I wouldn't have given it to you. Think about it, Emil. You keep your grades up in school. You keep a good circle of friends. You're always looking out for the neighbor boys and helping them wherever they may need it. You've more than earned this money. Besides, you never really ask to go out and do much. That's why we're doing this. We want you to have fun while you're gone."

"Thank you," Emil replied, touched by the generosity of his guardians. He knew that if he saw anything more, he would probably cry. Not even his own mother had done something like this for him back in Iceland. His heart felt like it would explode from an overload of emotions.

Mathias took his small voice as a hint to leave. Having been married to Lukas for awhile, he noticed similarities between the two brothers, even though they hadn't grown up together. One of the main ones was that they both got emotional when happy and were known to cry when overcome with joy. Though he personally found it cute, neither of the brothers did and would commonly get angry over it, so he knew when to leave to avoid danger.

Emil scrubbed at his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. He hadn't been expecting this, but he greatly appreciated it. Ever since he had come to America with Lukas and Mathias, he never knew just what to make of his new brother-in-law, but this made him realize that Mathias was actually a pretty cool guy.

There was a knock at the front door moments after Emil tucked the bill into his wallet and slung his bag over his shoulder. He could hear Lilli's cheerful voice practically sing out, "We came to get Emmy!" His mouth formed into a smile but then he thought about it. Who did she mean by "we"? He quickly made his way down the hall and to the entryway.

Lilli stood in the front hall with Natalia and Leon, grinning widely at Mathias, who had answered the door. "Emmy!" she excitedly greeted when she saw him. "Are you ready to go? Everyone else is out in the parking lot." She turned to Mathias, beaming. "Thanks for letting him come with us this weekend, Mat! It'll be so much more fun with Emil there!"

Mathias blushed, embarrassed from Lilli's gushing. It also didn't help that he thought she was just adorable. "Yeah, no problem," he awkwardly replied. "Lukas is already at work, or he'd be seeing you all off." His gaze then rested on the Asian boy who seemed to be examining everything around him. "So you're Yao's brother?"

At the mention of his older brother, Leon nearly flinched, not expecting such a blunt question. "Uh, yeah," he answered, confused. "How do you know my brother?"

"I work triage at the University," Mathias replied. "Yao is probably sick of hearing my voice when he's on-call at the ER. Our breaks are sometimes around the same time, too. You look similar to him."

"Don't all Asians look alike?" Leon joked, a smirk resting on his lips. He laughed to get the point across that he really was joking. "But yeah, our mother always said that he and I looked similar."

Where the Dane felt uncomfortable only moments before, he laughed with Leon, making Emil feel relieved that he hadn't unintentionally offended his boyfriend. "Well, I hope you all have a great time this weekend. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"You talk like an old man," Emil sighed. "You're only twenty-five, Mathias." He knelt down to tie his sneakers after slipping his jacket on. "Don't break your hip or something while I'm gone."

Mathias laughed loudly and ruffled Emil's hair again. "You wound me, Emil. Have a great weekend. See you Monday, kid."

Emil stood up and fixed his hair. "Takk," he stated before heading toward the front door. "See you Monday."

"He seems nice," Natalia said once the four of them were in the elevator. She then turned to her girlfriend. "You seemed pretty close with Emil's brother, Lil. What was that all about?"

Lilli giggled and played with Natalia's hair for a moment. "Mat and Luke find me adorable. I'm sure that they would allow Emil to rob a bank with me if I asked."

The Icelandic boy chuckled. "I would not doubt that for even a moment. They are so charmed by Lilli that she could kill someone in cold blood right in front of them, and they would still say she's innocent."

Leon placed a hand on top of Lilli's head, patting her. "I would let our Lilli get away with murder if it was for a good cause," he stated, smiling. He then looked at Emil. "I forgot that you ran into Yao while out with your brothers the day after the dance. God, he's awful. I forgot that he and your brother were friends." His smile charmed Emil. "At least that somewhat puts me in their good graces, right?"

Emil grinned back at Leon. "It does," he confirmed. "They keep asking me when they're going to meet the rest of my friends, but I doubt we could all even fit in that apartment." He chuckled as they exited the elevator on the ground floor. "So is everyone really out in the parking lot?"

"See for yourself," Natalia laughed. "Mei brought her mom's SUV, but Max is driving it. We're all just putting our bags in the back of it." She pointed to a large, blue SUV that looked brand new and quite expensive. "It's that one over there. Yong-Soo is driving his dad's truck, but it has a full back seat. Leon is driving Max's car since it's got full coverage. I assume you'll be riding with Leon. Lilli and I will be in the back seat. Neo and Raivis are in the SUV with Mei and Max, and I believe it's just Laura and Yong-Soo in the truck, but who would want to ride with Yong-Soo anyway?"

Emil laughed. "I'll go put my bag in the SUV then." He approached the large vehicle and the back hatch opened as he approached it.

"Good morning, Emil!" Mei called from the passenger's seat. "Are you ready for a great weekend?" She was smiling from ear to ear. "We are all going to have so much fun!"

"I look forward to it!" he replied. Once his bag was in the back, he stepped back as the back hatch began closing once more. He made his way over to the silver car that Leon was sitting in the driver's seat of.

When Emil got in the car, he noticed that the seats were heated. The stereo was BlueTooth compatible, with some rock music playing on it from Leon's phone. This car didn't even require a key in the ignition to start it. Emil's jaw dropped as he looked around the interior of the car. To him, it looked like a vehicle straight out of a spy movie.

"Emil, just so you get a feel for the hotel situation," Lilli began. "My brother got a room for him and Irunya, and then two more rooms. One is for the boys, and the other is for the girls, but we always intermingle between rooms. It's not like Vash actually cares." She giggled. "There is a pool and hot tub there, too. That's why I made sure you brought swimwear with you." Her voice rose an octave from excitement as she clapped her hands together. "I'm so excited! It's our first trip with Emmy with us!"

"She's been like this since she's gotten in the car," Leon clarified to Emil. "Lilli is always excited when we get to do fun things like this with a group. You should've seen her that time we went to Adventureland in middle school."

Natalia laughed. "She was nearly bouncing in her seat the whole way to Des Moines. It was actually really cute." She blushed after admitting it. "That was when I knew I was crazy about her."

"That was back when Lilli and Raivis were still trying to fool themselves," Leon explained. "Trust me, none of us were fooled. We could all see the way Lilli and Raivis acted around Nat and Neo, and just knew it was only a matter of time."

"I guess it's true when they say that your best friends really do know you better than anyone else does," Lilli giggled. "All of you knew the truth before we had even figured it out. What I'm most grateful for is that I don't have just one best friend. All of you are my best friends, even you, Emmy. If we don't know each other well, then who really does?"

Emil thought about what Lilli had said. If she knew him like she said she did, then could she tell that he was lying to her at their sleepover? An overwhelming sense of guilt filled his chest as he fastened his seatbelt. He didn't even notice as the car began moving. All he could think about is what he would do if Lilli had known that he was lying to her. Why didn't she say anything to him about it? Was she going to use it against him later? What did this mean for their friendship? Did she even trust him after knowing that he had lied about his well-being?

Leon's hand suddenly reached over and grabbed Emil's, the warmth of it bringing the Icelandic boy back to his senses. "You okay?" he asked, glancing over at him. "You were spacing out a lot. Let me guess, you could hardly sleep last night because of this?"

The silvery-haired boy nodded, smiling. "Yeah, something like that," he admitted. He looked around him and saw that they were already on the highway. "I'm just anxious about the trip. I've never exactly traveled before, except from Des Moines to Iowa City. It's a pretty big adventure for me. Even when I lived in Iceland, I never really ventured outside of Reykjavik." He looked at his surroundings, noticing that most of it was fields and farmland. "So this is what Iowa looks like outside of the city, huh?"

"Pretty much," Natalia answered from the back seat. "It's pretty well-known for it's corn and farming, much like most of the Midwest. We live in one of the major cities. I'm going to warn you in advance, though, Keokuk is a really small city. The locals there are all friendly and will wave at you and compliment you at random. It gives you one of those cute small-town vibes that you experience from watching wholesome horse movies."

The driver of the car snorted before breaking out into a fit of laughter. "'Wholesome horse movie'!" His laughter filled the car. "I never thought that Keokuk could be defined so easily!"

"But am I wrong?" the blue-eyed girl asked. "You've seen the girls our age there. I want you to try to tell me that most of them have not ridden or loved a horse in their lives with confidence."

Lilli was also laughing by this point. "Max was saying this last time we went! He was talking about all the farm girls there." She poked Emil's arm to get him to look back there. "When we went to Wal-Mart the first time we took this trip, people our age wouldn't stop checking all of us out. Six girls approached Leon and Yong-Soo in the course of an hour! Mei glared daggers at any girl who came within five feet of Max and held his hand the whole time we were in public!"

"I drink to forget those girls in Keokuk," Leon sighed, causing everyone in the car to laugh. He squeezed Emil's hand. "They'll come after you, for sure. You're just too gorgeous. I need you to promise me something, Emil."

"And what's that?" the Icelandic boy asked with a smile. He could sense what was coming, so he tried to hold in his laughter.

"Please don't leave me for a Horse Girl from Southeast Iowa," he said. "I don't think that my heart would be able to take it. Also, I promise you that she will always love her horse more than you. Nothing comes between a girl and her horse, Emil. Nothing."

By that point, even Natalia had dissolves into a fit of cackles. The atmosphere of the car was so cheerful that even Emil forgot his own worries and anxieties for the duration of the drive. He was near tears from laughing so hard at one point when Leon pointed out a girl riding a horse in one of the fields and Lilli referred to her as "Miss Steal Your Man". Friends really did make things great, and Emil was glad that he had the best of the best.

.

"Okay, so fair warning," Natalia began as they entered Keokuk city limits, "Lilli is almost a carbon copy of her brother. Like, it's insane how much they look alike. You'll see what I mean when we get to the hotel. I just wanted to warn you so you don't go into shock upon meeting him."

"Oh, come on," Lilli sighed. "Vash and I don't look that much alike."

"She's lying," Leon and Natalia stated in unison.

Emil laughed and jumped to Lilli's defense. "Come on, guys. I'm sure it can't be that shocking."

"Just you wait and see," Leon said, turning into the parking lot of a hotel just off Main Street. The hotel was called the Hampton Inn. "You'll be meeting him in just a few minutes."

Leon pulled into a parking space as Yong-Soo and Max pulled into the ones next to his. All of the students got out of their respective vehicles and crowded around the back of the SUV to collect their weekend luggage before heading to the front doors of the hotel.

Once in the lobby, Emil's jaw nearly dropped to the floor. The hotel looked really expensive and classy, but on top of that, the man who greeted them literally looked like a male Lilli. He could barely wrap his head around it. The man was just about a foot taller than his sister and was accompanied by a shy-looking woman with short, platinum blonde hair and large breasts.

"Vash!" Lilli excitedly greeted, throwing herself at her brother in a hug. "It's been awhile!"

The man hugged his little sister back, patting her head affectionately. "It has been awhile, hasn't it? I've been pretty busy with work, so I regret not being home much lately." He then looked up and addressed the group of teenagers around him. "How are you all doing? I hope that you are well." The teenagers all confirmed in their own way before he said, "I decided we would stay at the nicer hotel this time since it's been awhile since we stayed somewhere with a pool. Since I know you will all be on your best behaviors like you always are, I decided that us all staying here wouldn't be too bad."

"Thank you, Vash," replied a chorus of high schooler voices.

Vash then turned his focus to Emil. "I take it that you are Emil," he stated. "My sister has told me a lot about you, especially that you were so kind as to let her stay at your house during a difficult time for her. I regret not being able to help Lilli at that time, but I am grateful to you for being there for her." He stuck his hand out toward Emil. "My name is Vash Zwingli. I am pleased to meet you."

Emil shook the man's hand. "I am pleased to meet you as well. I'm Emil Steilsson, and I appreciate you allowing me to accompany the others this weekend."

The man smiled at Emil's politeness and pointed at him, looking to Lilli. "You always pick great friends for yourself," he told her. "I'm glad that you keep company with such polite people. It helps me rest easier when I'm not home."

"I guess I'm a good judge of character," Lilli giggled. "Emmy is a good guy. He's going to go on to do great things. I'm sure of it!"

"I could see it," Vash agreed.

After Vash greeted the others and doted on Lilli a bit more, he got them all checked in. He then excused himself, Lilli, and the woman, whom Emil found out was named Irunya. They said they would be back after a bit and that the teens should go off and have fun.

As Emil went to put his bag in the room he'd be sharing with the other guys, all he could think about was how great of a weekend this was all going to be.


	9. Chapter 9

Max twirled the keys to Mei's mom's SUV around his index finger as they all sat in the girls' hotel room together. "Alright, everyone, where do we want to go first? We've got an entire weekend of adventures here in the Kuk, so let's make the most of it." He cast Neoklis a wicked grin as he said, "I know Neo wants to terrorize the locals at Wal-Mart, but isn't that just common knowledge at this point?"

Yong-Soo laughed. "I nearly pissed myself laughing when he jumped out of the clothing racks at that kid last time," he said. "Laura loves playing hide-and-seek there, too. Remember that time when she and Nat hid together in that pillow bin? We couldn't find them for nearly an hour, and the only reason we found them was because Laura had to pee."

As the entire group burst into raucous laughter, Emil tried to imagine having fun at a store. "Can going to the store really be that fun?" he asked, cocking his head to the side in confusion. "I mean, I guess my brothers have fun at the store when we go, but not that kind of fun. Do you all really play hide-and-seek inside the store?"

Mei's eyes widened in shock. "Emmy, don't tell me you've never gone to a store like Wal-Mart just to hang out!"

"Is that really such a big shock?" he replied. "I mean, I go to Wal-Mart sometimes with my brothers, but we just go there to shop. It's hard for me to believe that people go there just to hang out with each other. I mean, isn't that what going to the mall is for?"

Raivis giggled. "I forgot you've never been to Keokuk," he laughed. "Wal-Mart basically is the mall here. I mean, yeah, there's a mall down by the river, but can it even be called one if all it has is a dojo, an overpriced clothing store, a cinema, a couple restaurants, and a Dollar General?"

"Don't forget the nail salon, Raivis," Laura chimed in. She put her hands on her cheeks and giggled, eyes sparkling. "The manicure I got there last time was to die for!"

Natalia rolled her eyes. "I like the nail salon by here better," she stated indifferently. "The only redeeming quality of the mall in this town is their Chinese restaurant. First Wok is so good!"

Leon scoffed. "Their poor excuse for actual Chinese food sucks," he flately stated.

The rest of the group other than Emil all mockingly bowed their heads to the Cantonese boy. "Forgive us, oh great one, for we did not know our place," they all stated in monotonous unison. Their sarcasm seemed to be dripping off of their words. They all lifted their heads back up in unison as well.

"I hate it when you guys do that," Leon grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and sulking. "You're all such a pain in my ass."

"And we're proud of that fact," Neoklis laughed. "We wouldn't be friends if we weren't, now would we?" He placed his hand on his boyfriend's thigh and smiled at him. "Even though Raivis has a hard time mocking people. He's such a sweet guy."

Raivis's face turned a deep shade of red within seconds. "Neo," he whined. "Don't call me out like that. It's embarrassing! Even if everyone knows it already, it's still embarrassing when it's said out loud like that."

Mei patted Raivis on the head, giggling. "You're so cute, you know that?" She wound his curls around her fingertips, smiling to herself. "I would have loved to have a little brother like you, Rai!"

"Shut up, I'm older than you!" the curly-haired boy argued. "I may be one of the shortest, besides Lilli, but I'm the oldest. It's not my fault I was held back in second grade for being sick a lot." He crossed his arms over his chest. It was quite obvious that he was sensitive about his adorable looks.

Neoklis laughed and squeezed his boyfriend's thigh. "Relax, Rai," he said. "Nobody's making fun of you. We know you're the oldest, it's just that you're so cute that Mei is jealous and has to make you feel inferior for it."

Max snorted, trying to hold back his laughter over his girlfriend's stunned expression. "Damn, Neo," he laughed, "you didn't have to look that far into it."

"I call 'em like I see 'em," the other boy replied. He smiled over at Raivis, who blushed and smiled back.

"We're getting off topic," Yong-Soo sighed. "Come on, guys, you always do this. Weren't we supposed to be figuring out what we should do today?" He gestured to the Icelandic boy across from him. "Since it's Emil's first time in town, why don't we take him to some of our favorite places to hang out here? I suggest taking him down by the docks or to Rand Park."

"We can also go to the downtown Mom-and-Pop shops, too," Laura chimed in. "Also, what do you think of taking him to Triangle Park or catching a movie at the mall." She turned to Emil, smiling widely. "The theater here charges the same amount for a movie, a drink, and popcorn as our theater up in Iowa City charges for a ticket on a cheap day. We're going to have so much fun this weekend!" Her hands clasped the Icelandic boy's between them, the paleness of his skin looking like printer paper compared to her darker complexion. "So, Emmy, which would you like to do first?"

Emil felt the pressure of all eyes on him and squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to ignore it. "Um, how about we go walk around downtown first?" he suggested. That would give him enough time to think about what he would want to do next. After all, there was no way he could make a decision regarding a place he hadn't been before. "Or if you guys would like to go somewhere else first, we could go there. I don't know much about this town, so I feel I'd rather be shown around first."

"That makes sense," Leon said, putting a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. "There seems to be a lot of pressure when making decisions for a group, but I feel we shouldn't put that pressure on Emil since he doesn't know anything about this town. I say we should just take him around to have fun. We can each choose something that we like to do when we're here and show him the things we enjoy doing. Emil would have a great time doing something like that, don't you think?"

Emil placed his hand over Leon's and squeezed it. "Thanks," he whispered in his ear. He always felt safer and more relaxed whenever his boyfriend was around. His mind could unwind, knowing that Leon can handle stressful things for him. "You're the best."

The Cantonese boy squeezed his boyfriend's shoulder. "Thanks, I know," he teasingly whispered back. "I vote that we all go to Rand Park first. It's got some pretty nice scenery."

"Yong-Soo, let's go on the teeter totter together!" Max enthused, grinning widely at the Korean boy. "I swear I'll launch you off of it this time!"

Natalia slapped her palm to her forehead. "Not this again," she groaned. "Didn't Max nearly break his leg last time? Do you two want to be yelled at by Vash again?"

"Vash can't yell at us if he doesn't know what happened," Yong-Soo quickly replied.

"He will if we all end up at the ER again," Mei sighed. She glared over at her boyfriend. "Max, you two are not doing extreme playground sports again. Things always end up going to hell in some way or another, so I'm putting my foot down."

Yong-Soo grabbed both of her feet and lifted them from the floor. "Are you, Mei?" he asked. "Are you really putting your foot down? It appears that you are unable to do that at this time." He grinned over at Max. "Well, Max, my boy, it appears that our extreme playground sports shall commence the moment we get to Rand Park."

Max kissed his distressed girlfriend's cheek. "I promise I won't get hurt this time."

"That's what you promised last time," she stated with a defeated sigh. "Don't expect any of us to feel bad for you if you get hurt. That goes for you too, Yong-Soo."

The Korean boy put a hand over his heart. "Madame, you wound me."

"You look pretty fine to me," Natalia commented, causing Emil and Leon to snort. "Then again, your pride is pretty fragile."

.

The park was bigger than Emil had thought. There were many sections to it as well. It had a children's playground, a complete frisbee golf course, another playground for older kids, a flower garden, a pond, and even a bluff that overlooked the Mississippi River. As Emil looked out over the bluff, he felt breathless. He hadn't seen a sight so beautiful in a long time, not since he had left Reykjavik.

"It's a nice view, isn't it?" Leon asked, sitting next to him on the park bench. He gazed out over the river, smiling. "Call me cheesy, but I've always wanted to take in beautiful scenery with a significant other. It lets me know if our minds will connect on the same plane." His hand rested on Emil's thin knee. "I'm glad that you like this view too."

Emil smiled and placed his hand on top of Leon's, not once looking away from the river view. "It's breathtaking," he mused. "I've never seen another place like this."

The Asian boy resisted the urge to repeat his boyfriend's words as a compliment to him. Too cheesy, Leon! Instead, he squeezed Emil's knee. "Call me sentimental if you'd like, but there's something I want to do."

Sensing the urgency in his boyfriend's voice, Emil pried his eyes from the river view to look at him. "What's that?" he asked, suddenly looking into Leon's brown eyes. The intensity in them was mesmerizing, and just by the look in them, he could tell what he wanted to do.

Both boys leaned in, touching their lips together. It was safe to say that they were on the same wavelength, yet neither of them expected how much their minds wandered together. Within a matter of minutes, both boys were panting against the other's lips, gasping for air. They had completely shut out the world around them for a few minutes of passion and were grateful that none of their friends had approached them during that time.

"Emil! Leon!" they heard Neoklis calling. "Where are you guys?"

Leon stood and offered Emil his hand. "For all we know, those idiots hurt themselves," he laughed, nodding toward the bigger playground. He clasped his boyfriend's hand in his once he stood. "Time to go see what they want."

The Icelandic boy smiled. "Yeah, I suppose so," he agreed, clinging tightly to Leon's hand. "Also, won't you feel bad if Yong-Soo and Max actually got hurt?"

"Not a chance," the other boy laughed. "If those idiots were dumb enough to do something to get hurt, even after their girlfriends told them not to, then they deserve to suffer, don't you think?"

"I'll keep those words in mind if you ever get hurt doing something I told you not to do," the Icelandic boy replied. He smirked over at Leon. "After all, they're your words, not mine."

"Planning to use my own words against me one day. I see how it is." Leon smiled as he saw everyone else they had gone to the park with spinning on the merry-go-round. "Oh, Jesus," he sighed. "It's not obvious why they were looking for us." He pointed to the others with his free hand. "It appears that we are going to be getting dizzy as shit."

"Ah, my favorite past time," Emil laughed. "I'm going to get drunk by natural causes this time."

"Speaking of being drunk," the Asian boy began, "just you wait until tonight. We have a friend in this town who always supplies the booze whenever we're here. All we have to do is call him up and meet him in our designated place before heading back to the hotel. We even have an extra duffel bag in the backseat of Yong-Soo's truck that we put it all in. Vash never finds out." He grinned widely and winked. "We're going to have a great weekend!"

"Here's hoping that we don't end up dying of alcohol poisoning this weekend," the Icelandic boy said. He raised their intertwined hands. "Skál!"

Leon laughed. "What does that mean?"

"Cheers!" Emil repeated, but in English that time. He laughed. "Here is to a great weekend with some great people!"

.

Lilli hiccuped and smiled widely, dropping her empty cup. She swayed back and forth with the music that was playing on someone's phone. "More!" she giggled, picking the cup back up and thrusting it at Yong-Soo.

"I think you've had enough for now," Natalia chuckled, taking her girlfriend's cup and setting it on the side table. She kissed Lilli's cheek and pushed her girlfriend's hair behind her ear, whispering into it, causing the smaller girl to blush furiously. Moments later, the two girls clasped hands tightly and slipped into the bathroom together.

Leon leaned forward and whispered into Emil's ear. "Lilli and Natalia are always the first to get it on when we get drunk like this." He slipped his arm around Emil's waist. "After them is usually either Laura and Yong-Soo or Mei and Max. Neo and Raivis usually wait until everyone is asleep." He could feel Emil tensing up. "Don't worry, Emil. I don't plan on making drunken moves on you. I prefer being sober when I make a move, you know? That way it's more special than a random drunken fling."

Emil relaxed upon hearing his boyfriend's words. He took a sip of his own drink, which was a mix of vodka and root beer. By this point, he no longer felt the burning sensation of the vodka going down his throat. Instead, all he could really taste was root beer. His head felt as if it were spinning, making him feel lighter than air. To him, there was no better feeling than being drunk. It were as if every last one of his cares were gone when he felt floaty.

He slowly turned to face his boyfriend. "Would kissing be considered 'making a move'?" Emil asked, words slurring and all blending together. "Can we do that?"

The Asian boy pulled his boyfriend into his lap, causing Emil to straddle his hips. He locked their lips together, kisses getting deeper and more passionate with every passing minute. Leon's body began heating up, and he could feel the rising heat in his boyfriend's body as well. He was conscious enough to know where the boundaries were, but when their friends shoved them into the bathroom together, he felt at a loss.

While he loved that Emil was clinging to him and wanting more of him, it didn't feel right to continue these sorts of things when drunk. Since their friends had shut them in the bathroom together, Leon had no choice but to remain in there with his boyfriend for awhile. He could see that Emil's mind was hazy, so he helped position him into the bathtub, fully clothed with no water inside. This was the easiest way to keep his boyfriend safe, considering that the Icelandic boy couldn't even walk in a straight line. Leon sat on the floor next to the tub and held Emil's hand, smiling to himself as his boyfriend rambled on and on about nothing. To him, there was something cute about Emil when drunk. He could listen to his drunken babbling forever.

"Hey, Leon?" the Icelandic boy slurred after ten minutes of babbling in Icelandic about miscellaneous things.

"Yeah?" Leon asked, sobering up more and more with every passing minute. "What's up, Em?"

"I like being with you," Emil said, weakly squeezing his boyfriend's hand. "You take away the pain. When I'm with you, I don't feel so alone anymore. It's like whenever I'm with you, life is worth living. I don't want to die when I'm with you." His eyelids began to droop as he yawned. "Thank you for putting up with me. I'm happy that you saved me. With you by my side, I'm sure that I'll live through this."

"Live through what, Emil?" his boyfriend quietly asked, trying to mask the concern in his voice. He hoped that all of this was also just random drunken babble instead of Emil's actual thoughts.

"When we're together, I don't want to kill myself," the Icelandic boy mumbled. "I hope we can be together forever. You love me, right, Leon? You won't let me die." He yawned as he began to lose consciousness. "Never in a million years."

Knowing that Emil was asleep, Leon held his hand tightly, trying to calm his trembling. "Why would you want to kill yourself?" he whispered, more to himself than his boyfriend. "Please stay with me. Let me save you." He kissed his sleeping boyfriend's forehead. "I'll save you, Emil. And you're right. Though we've known each other for two months, I know for sure that I really do love you. And because I love you, I promise that I'm going to save you." His lips touched the back of Emil's hand. "I promise I'll save you from yourself."

.

Emil woke up on one of the beds in the hotel room, disoriented until he remembered where he was for the weekend. He could feel an immense heat at his side and turned his head to see Leon curled up next to him, wearing a t-shirt and basketball shorts. His mouth formed into a smile as he snuggled up next to his boyfriend, feeling the heat practically pulsing from him.

"You're like a furnace," he muttered under his breath, pushing Leon's bangs out of his eyes. He couldn't help but admire his sleeping boyfriend. It wasn't his fault that he looked so angelic when he slept. His lips lightly pressed against the Asian boy's forehead. "You look so peaceful when you sleep."

Leon turned his head up toward Emil, eyes still closed, as he placed a hand on the back of his boyfriend's head and pulled him closer. His lips pressed against the Icelandic boy's, making him smile. "Did you sleep well?" he mumbled, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and pulling him closer.

"I did," Emil whispered back. He giggled for a moment. "It's strange, though. I don't remember falling asleep in this bed." He was quiet while he thought back. "The last thing I remember from last night was sitting on your lap and kissing you." His cheeks flushed a bright red as he squeezed his eyes shut from embarrassment, hoping that Leon's eyes were closed as well. "It was pretty nice, though."

"Yeah?" Leon asked, snuggling closer to his boyfriend. "It was. I enjoyed it." His mind then went to the conversation he and Emil had in the bathroom after that. "Emil, I hope we can always have this much fun together. Every day is a new adventure, and another day to fall for you more and more. Meeting you was the best thing to ever happen in my life."

"Yo, that's pretty gay," Yong-Soo commented from the next bed over.

Emil gasped and bolted upright, feeling a dull ache in his head. "How long have you been listening in?" he asked, holding his head in his hands.

"Considering that I've been here all night and morning, I'd have to say since the beginning," the Korean boy answered. "Laura is the only one in this room who is still asleep." He pointed to the mound of blankets next to him in the bed. "Everyone else is in the other room. Nat and Lilli took the air mattress over there with them."

"Is that so?" Leon yawned, sitting up as well. He stretched and groaned. "Just in case you haven't noticed, Mr. Im, I just happen to be dating a guy. That, in essence, makes me gay, wouldn't you say?"

Yong-Soo snickered. "Well, I'll be damned, you really are pretty gay, Leon."

The Cantonese boy scoffed. "Thanks for noticing. The next mind-blowing thing you'll figure out is that the sky is blue, you boosted ape." He yawned once again and crawled out of the bed. His mouth formed into a smirk as he saluted Yong-Soo. "The more you know, right?"

"Oh, fuck off," the Korean boy laughed, flipping Leon off.

Leon put a finger to Yong-Soo's lips. "Shhhh," he said. "You look so much smarter when you aren't talking out of your ass."

Emil put the pillow he used over his face in an attempt to muffle his laughter over the exchange between the other two boys. He wished that he was as quick-witted as Leon and Yong-Soo were, but sometimes he had a hard enough time translating what he wanted to say into English. Though he knew that Leon had grown up in Hong Kong, he never would have guessed since his boyfriend spoke perfect English.

He felt a pang of despair in his heart. Everyone else was so much better at communicating than he was. They had all been friends for years and knew each other much better than he did. Despite their words, he felt that he didn't exactly belong. But maybe one day he would. If not, he had no idea what he would do.


	10. Chapter 10

Emil stood out on the boat docks on the Mississippi River. He gazed across at the state of Illinois, though it mostly just looked like a bunch of trees from where he was standing. Something about this was calming to him. He felt at peace with himself. Choosing to ignore the gigantic factory to his right, he decided to focus on the nature across from him. If there was one thing he had to complain about in that moment, it was that the river was filthy and smelled pretty foul. Other than that, it was a perfect moment.

"Stop it before I throw you in the river!" Yong-Soo shouted, ruining Emil's inner peace. He was standing atop a hill of rocks that led into the river, yelling at Max about something while Mei and Laura acted as if they didn't know the two.

Sighing, Emil turned back to the view he had been looking at. He felt a slight rocking under his feet as he heard someone coming up behind him. His mouth formed into a smile as Leon appeared beside him and silently grabbed his hand. Grateful that Leon had known better than to speak to him at that moment, the Icelandic boy squeezed his boyfriend's hand, taking a deep breath.

"This reminds me of when I used to go to the beach back home," Emil mused. "The last time I went to one was with Lukas, and it was right before we moved here. I had just officially met him, and he was trying to get me to warm up to him. At the time, anything was better than the idea of coming to America with him. But now I'm kinda glad I came. I never would have met you and the others if I had remained in Iceland, you know? If it weren't for everyone here with us, I don't want to imagine how miserable my life would be here. I'm glad that I met all of you."

Leon smiled and squeezed his boyfriend's hand. "We're pretty glad that we met you, too," he said. "You make our days fun. Our group wouldn't be the same without you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah," the Icelandic boy quietly replied. "Thanks for making me feel welcome. I'm glad that I made friends like all of you." He blushed, the red in his cheeks a major contrast to his snowy hair. "And I'm glad that we get to be together. You really are one of the best things in my life. I'm grateful for you every day."

"I could say the same about you." Leon leaned in and kissed Emil's forehead. "Honestly, before I met you, I didn't think that there was anything missing from my life. And then when I met you, I realized how horribly wrong I was. You are the one major thing in my life that I didn't know I needed until you showed up."

Emil could feel his heart swelling at his boyfriend's words. There was so much he wanted to say, but his brain couldn't translate it with him being so flustered. It were as if there were a switch in his brain that allowed him to speak English, and it was shut off by Leon's charming words. He felt frustrated, but at the same time he was overjoyed that his boyfriend would say such kind things. His heart was soaring, and he was dying to say something sweet in response. If only his brain would allow it.

"You make me glad that I moved to America," he finally managed to say. "Every day with you is a new adventure." Emil awkwardly stumbled over his words as he tried to piece together what he wanted to say. "It is hard for me to say what I want to. I can't figure out how to say it properly." Usually, he had no problems with speaking, but now that he was so flustered, it was nearly impossible. "I know that we haven't been together for very long, but…" His voice trailed off as he tried to think of how to say it. "You have made immigrating here much easier than it would have been without you." That wasn't it either. "Ég elska þig!" he blurted out before he could stop himself.

Leon's eyes widened in surprise. "What was that?" he asked, trying to process the words his boyfriend had said. He could feel the gears turning in his head as he thought back through the conversation up until he heard the Icelandic phrase. The moment it dawned on him, he internally kicked himself for not knowing sooner. His lips pressed firmly against the other boy's. "Though it may seem too soon to others, it isn't for me," he whispered against his lips. "I love you too."

Emil gasped as Leon pulled away. "H-How did you know I said that?" he asked, blinking at him in surprise.

"Call it a lucky guess," the Asian boy replied. He could see the sparkle in Emil's eyes and could only guess that stemmed from him figuring out what he had said. The amount of joy he could feel his boyfriend giving off was astounding. His own heart began to soar as he watched Emil's smile grow wider and wider.

At that moment, Leon made a vow to himself. He was going to do anything he could do in the entire world to always be able to protect that smile.

.

Emil walked beside Leon as they left the coffee shop everyone had gathered in. Everyone went back to the hotel, but Max lent Leon his car so the two could explore downtown a little more. They kept a steady stride as they walked in the direction of the river.

After crossing the street, they walked a block down, preparing to cross once more when Emil spotted something. It was a tall building on the next corner with a marque that stretched out almost to the street in front of it. There were show dates and times on the side that was facing them.

"Look over there!" the Icelandic boy exclaimed, pulling on his boyfriend's arm and pointing toward the building. "I think it's a theater! Is it cool if we check it out?"

Leon turned their course toward the building. "You like theater, Emil?" he asked with a smile. He looked toward their destination building. "We've never been to this one, but our group likes to go and see shows every now and then. Maybe we can go and see a play together sometime?"

Emil blushed. "That sounds really nice," he shyly stated. By that point, it was too late for him to tell Leon that the theater held no interest to him whatsoever. He figured he would sound too lame if he told his boyfriend that he only thought the building looked cool. "I wonder if this place is open to the public," he mused as they stood in front of one of the many doors to the entrance.

"Only one way to find out," his boyfriend replied with a mischievous grin. He placed his hand on the door handle, only to discover that it was unlocked. His arm pulled gently and the door practically swung open. "After you," he stated, bowing and gesturing inside. A wide smile graced his features as he followed after Emil.

Both boys gawked at the simplistic beauty of the lobby. A large chandelier hung in the middle of the ceiling. Two small corridors branched out from the back of the lobby, leading toward seating, bathrooms, and a staircase on each end. The two wandered into the house seating, still awestruck at the sheer beauty of the room they were in, paying no attention to the lit up stage or the girl standing atop it. Instead they took in the balcony above them, the box seats, and the giant chandelier that glimmered beautifully above them.

"Can I help you?" the girl called out from the corner of the stage, bringing the boys to the shocking reality that they weren't alone. She nervously fiddled with the long, ginger braid that was draped over her shoulder and stretching to her waist. "This place isn't exactly somewhere you can just wander into off the street. How did you get in here? And more importantly, who are you and why are you here?" Her blue eyes narrowed as she tried her best to stare them down through the blinding stage lights.

Leon moved in front of Emil and fixed his gaze on the girl. "Sorry about that," he simply said. "We're from out of town and just happened to be walking by. When we checked the door, it was unlocked, so we came in."

The girl cocked her head to the side in confusion. "One of the lobby doors is unlocked?" she asked. "That can't be good." She made her way to the stairs on the side of the stage and walked down into house seating toward the two boys. "I'm sorry if I appeared unfriendly, it's just that I was taken off guard. I thought I was here alone." Now that she could see Emil and Leon clearly, she blushed, realizing that they looked to be around her age. "You see, my mom usually comes here to clean, but she's sick, so I came instead. I'm Tandy, by the way."

"What the hell kind of a name is Tandy?" Leon blurted out before he could stop himself. He immediately clapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. "Shit, I did not mean to say that out loud. I am so sorry."

Tandy breezily dismissed it with a wave of her hand as Emil quietly giggled. "Don't worry about it, I've heard worse." She smiled warmly. "When you have a unique name, it kinda just comes with the territory."

After breathing a sigh of relief to calm his racing heart, Leon grinned at her. "I'm Leon," he stated. "This is Emil." He stepped aside and gestured to his boyfriend, who nervously grabbed the hem of Leon's jacket. "He's a bit shy, I'm afraid."

"That's fine," she said. "Want to see what it looks like from the stage?" Tandy nodded her head toward the large, bright platform before her. "It's actually pretty breathtaking."

Leon looked to Emil for his opinion, and smiled when his boyfriend nodded to him. "Yeah, let's do that." He followed the redhead up the stairs and onto the stage, eyes widening when he looked out toward every seat facing him. "Wow, there's no one out there, and I'm already experiencing stage fright."

"Not every stage light is on right now," Tandy stated, "but when they are, you can barely see anyone out there. The adrenaline of performing in front of a packed theater is like nothing else I've ever experienced. It gets the blood pumping in your veins, and you feel invincible. The world could end while you're on stage, and it feels like it wouldn't even matter."

"You seem to really like performing," the Asian boy replied. "That's pretty cool. We live in Iowa City, and it's a pretty artsy city. I've never performed before, but I've gone to a few plays. The actors always look like they're having fun. Have you ever been in a play, Emil?"

That was when the Icelandic boy finally found his voice. "No," he quietly stated, face turning red. "Knowing my luck, I'd forget the English lines and really embarrass myself or something."

Tandy smiled brightly. "I like your accent," she said, moving closer to Emil. "Is English your second language?" Her smile widened when the boy nodded. "That's so cool! Where are you originally from?"

"I grew up in Reykjavik, Iceland," he replied. "It's not as impressive as it sounds. I'm just an average person, nothing really special about me."

Leon frowned upon hearing his boyfriend's words but didn't have the heart to call him out on it in front of a stranger. Instead, he made a mental note to remind, and possibly show, Emil how special he really was later.

They stayed at the theater with Tandy for awhile, chatting and taking a tour of the building before realizing how late it had gotten. The others were probably worried about them, so they bid their farewells to the girl and headed back to the car.

"Why did you say there was nothing special about you?" Leon asked once they were driving back to the hotel. "You're so down on yourself all the time, Emil. Don't you see how incredible you are?" He waited for Emil to say something, but then continued once he received only silence in response. "I mean it, Emil. My life has changed drastically since you became a part of it. And it changed for the better. You don't have to be down on yourself all the time. I hope you'll see how amazing you are one day."

Emil's voice was so quiet that Leon had to strain his ears to hear him. "There isn't anything particularly outstanding about me. I'm just average, if even that. I don't understand what you all see that makes me so great. There's nothing." He crossed his arms over his chest defensively and looked out the window. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Leon sighed but kept his retort to himself. After all, if he were to fight with Emil, things would get weird for the rest of the trip.

.

Everyone sat in the hot tub at the hotel later on that evening, seeing that the pool area would close soon. It was a bit crowded in the hot tub until Yong-Soo challenged Neoklis, Max, and Leon to jump into the pool after they had soaked in the hot water for while. It became more relaxing once those four were gone, although their shouts of how cold the pool was echoed off the walls.

Natalia rolled her eyes. "I tell you, those boys all act like they're twelve most of the time," she sighed, sinking further into the water. "I'm so glad that you two actually act your ages."

Emil blushed, unsure of what to say. He then looked to Raivis, who laughed in response to his friend's words. That was when he decided that a smile would be the best response to a statement like the one Natalia had made.

"Eh, at least they won't let their fun sides die at this rate," Raivis joked. His gaze then rested on Neoklis as he smiled fondly. "Besides, I think it's kind of cute to see them all laugh like that. Even if I'm not a part of the fun, it's nice to see Neo smile so happily."

The Icelandic boy's gaze then went to his own boyfriend. He loved the dopey grin that Leon had on his face. The sound of Leon's laughter rang into his ears in an almost intoxicating way. Nothing in the world sounded more beautiful to Emil. Considering Raivis's statement, he couldn't agree more. There was just something about seeing his partner so happy that brought a sense of peace and warmth to his heart.

And just like that, the happiness Emil felt was gone. His mind instantly went to a more negative aspect of seeing Leon laughing with their friends. He doesn't need you to be happy. Even if you were to disappear, Leon would still be able to laugh like this with his friends. You don't matter, Emil. You're nothing.

"Go away, you're cold!" Laura whined, bringing Emil back to reality. She was frowning up at Yong-Soo, who was nearly grinning from ear to ear. "Don't touch the back of my neck like that! It's sending chills down my spine!" Her eyes widened in horror. "Wait, a minute! No!"

But it was too late. Before her horrified cry could be completed, her boyfriend had already untied the top of her swimsuit, exposing her endowed chest to everyone. Laura smacked at him before putting an arm over her exposed breasts as Mei quickly went to tie the top of her bathing suit back in place.

Emil tried his best to tear his eyes from Laura's chest, but he couldn't do it fast enough. He felt horrible for having seen it, deafening the sounds around him as he internally panicked. What would Leon do if he knew that he had seen Laura like that? His heart pounded madly in his chest as he thought of every possible negative outcome that could come from Leon getting upset over him looking at a girl's exposed breasts.

"You okay there?" a voice asked as a hand clapped itself firmly onto Emil's shoulder. Leon smiled at his dazed boyfriend. "Yong-Soo does this kind of shit all the time." He then examined his boyfriend's expression. "What's with the face you're making? Don't tell me that's the first pair of tits you've ever seen!"

Blushing furiously, the Icelandic boy looked away. "Shut up," he grumbled, hoping that Leon didn't attract too much attention with that final statement, but he couldn't be so lucky.

"What?!" Yong-Soo exclaimed. His eyes were nearly bugging out of his head in shock. "Emil, you're so innocent!"

Laura sighed and elbowed her boyfriend. "Yong-Soo, can't you see that he's embarrassed enough?" She shyly smiled at Emil. "He does that shit to me all the time. I'm sorry you had to see it. I understand if you're uncomfortable."

As everyone else began to talk about how seeing Laura like that was a normal thing, Emil's face turned darker shades of red. How could everyone be so calm over seeing a girl their age half naked like that? It wasn't as if Emil was aroused by it, but why wasn't anyone else as embarrassed as he was over it? How could a sight like that be normal to them? What was up with these people that he called friends?

Leon quickly jumped in to save the day. "I'm gonna head to the room with Emil," he quickly said. "I think the heat from the hot tub is getting to him." He waited for Emil to get out of the hot tub and quickly dried off with him before they headed back to the room together.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked once they were alone in the elevator. "You seem really shaken up by what happened with Laura. I'm sorry about what happened. Did it bother you that much?"

Emil shook his head, trying to form his apology to Leon in his head. "Please don't be mad at me, but I looked," he stammered out. "I know I shouldn't have, but I did. I understand if you're angry with me for it."

It took Leon a couple moments to process his boyfriend's apology, but once he did, he couldn't help but laugh. "Wait, do you think I'd be mad at you for seeing Laura's boobs? No, I wouldn't be mad at you for that. I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't cheat on me with her after something like that." He smiled reassuringly at his boyfriend as he led the way out of the elevator. "Don't worry, I'm not mad about it at all. I swear."

Letting out the breath he didn't know he had been holding, Emil allowed himself to smile. "That's a relief," he said. "I thought you would be mad or something." His cheeks were dusted with a soft blush. "I've never dated anyone before, so I thought it would be like the movies where people were always getting jealous or angry over misunderstandings like that."

"No worries," his boyfriend replied. "As long as I know that I'm the only one in your heart, there wouldn't be a need for me to get jealous or angry over silly things like that." He unlocked the room and held the door open for Emil. "I trust you."

Feeling silly for overreacting, the Icelandic boy blushed. "I mean, I suppose you're right," he said. "And for the record, you're the only one I feel this way toward. Technically, the only person I've ever felt this way toward." He could feel his face growing hot from all of the embarrassing things he was saying. "You don't have to worry about me developing feelings for anyone else."

"I'm happy to know that," Leon replied with a smile. "The same goes for me. You're the first guy I've liked since middle school. The fact that you feel the same is enough to keep me happy for years. You being my boyfriend is the best thing to ever happen to me. You know that, right?"

Emil hadn't expected to hear such bold words from his boyfriend. No one had ever said something like that to him. For a moment, he felt he had imagined Leon saying it, but when he saw the look in his boyfriend's eyes, he knew that something like that couldn't be a lie. His heart pounded wildly in his chest as he slowly moved closer to Leon, closing the distance between them. Even if just for a moment, he wanted to be closer to the man he loved.

Leon stepped forward and closed the distance between them. He rested his hands on his boyfriend's hips as he softly kissed Emil's lips. It was such an innocent kiss, but even Emil could tell that it had an underlying deeper meaning. His hands pulled the Icelandic boy into him, crushing their bodies together as his kisses became more feverish and desperate.

Intoxicated by the kisses, Emil began to feel dazed, going with the flow of the kisses. His heart yearned for more, anything to prove that his boyfriend really did mean the words that he said. Anything to make him feel as if he were truly worth something. Words were no longer enough to express feelings. Emil was starved for more. He needed to know that Leon truly wanted no one else.

The Asian boy slowly pulled away, kisses slowing and losing the passion behind them. "We shouldn't do this right now," he quietly stated. "The others will be coming back any minute now, and to have them walk in on something so personal would be pretty bad, don't you think?"

Biting back his protests, the other boy simply nodded his agreement, even if he didn't really mean it. Negative thoughts plagued his mind once more. Leon doesn't really care about you. You should know this by now. You're just someone convenient to pass the time with. If he really loved you, he wouldn't care who saw the two of you. He's hiding something.

Emil quickly collected his clothes and went to the bathroom to change out of his bathing suit. He tried his best to mask the disappointment he felt, but there was no way he could successfully do so. Having always worn his heart on his sleeve, he could tell that Leon knew he was bothered by the abrupt stop to their kissing. The whole time he changed his clothes, he couldn't help but wonder if Leon would come to resent him for acting like this.

Leon was changed as well when Emil came out of the bathroom. He smiled at his boyfriend. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked. "You appear lost, for lack of a better word."

"Lost?" Emil asked, sitting on the bed across from his boyfriend. "No, I feel pretty fine. My head is just still a bit foggy from sitting in the hot tub for so long." He plastered a fake smile to his face. "It's nothing to worry about."

"If you're sure," Leon said, forcing a smile.

Though it was left unsaid, both boys could feel that something was terribly wrong between them.


	11. Chapter 11

Early November, 2014, Iowa City, Iowa

Emil hadn't really seen his friends outside of school since they got back from Keokuk. He kept having to tutor Peter and Erland after school, and Lukas and Mathias always had something they wanted to do "as a family" on the weekends. His heart ached over not being able to see Leon, yet in his mind, he wondered if Leon even missed him. They had hardly been able to text due to clashing schedules, which took a heavy toll on Emil's emotional state.

As he laid in bed one Friday night, his phone began to ring. He squinted his eyes at the blinding light of his phone screen after fumbling around in the dark for it. Leon Wang. Leon was calling! Emil nearly dropped his phone on his face as he struggled to answer it in time. "Hello?" he asked, panicked that he hadn't answered it in time.

"I feel like we haven't talked in forever," Leon's voice replied. His tone expressed fondness and familiarity. "How have you been, Emil? Is life treating you alright? I really miss you."

Emil was too shocked to speak for a moment. So Leon really did miss him. "I miss you too," he quietly replied, closing his eyes. He didn't want to see his bedroom and remember that he was actually alone in that moment. Instead, he chose to imagine that he was in some unknown place in the universe where only he and Leon existed. "I've been more tired than anything lately. Being busy is a lot of work." He chuckled to himself. Who knew something as simple as a phone call could lift his spirits so greatly? "How are things on your end?"

"Yao's just being a pest, as per usual," his boyfriend groaned on the other end. "I'm sorry for calling so late. I just had a weird feeling that you would still be awake, even though it's after midnight. Or did I wake you up?"

"No, I was awake," the Icelandic boy assured, smiling. "Do you have any big plans this weekend? Mat says he wants us to go ice skating at the Coral Ridge Mall tomorrow afternoon. I'm too clumsy, and I know I won't be any good at it."

"Now, how could you know that if you don't try?" Leon asked, smile apparent in his voice. "What time are you going there?"

"I think we're going to get lunch at Hu Hot and then make an afternoon of mall adventures," Emil answered. "Lukas is pretty excited about it. I'm just imagining them skating around the ice and holding hands while I struggle and fall on my ass." He sighed at the mental image of it and heard his boyfriend giggle to himself. "You imagined it, didn't you?"

"Could you blame me for imagining it?" the Asian boy replied, laughter in his voice. "You kinda just laid it out on a silver platter for my imagination. How could I not have taken full advantage of that opportunity? It would be quite the sin, don't you think?"

"Oh, shut up." Emil pulled his blanket up over his head. "Either way, I'm not excited to ice skate. I am the least coordinated person on this planet. If I were to die somehow, tell everyone I love them, okay?"

"Tell them yourself. You're so dramatic." Leon chuckled to himself. "Then again, that's one of my favorite things about you." He sighed happily. "Why is it that there is so much to love about you, Emil? You're funny, smart, original…" His voice trailed off for a moment, leaving the two in a comfortable silence until he spoke once more. "What does someone as amazing as you see in me? You could be with anyone you choose, yet you chose me from the very beginning. I just don't understand it."

The Icelandic boy's eyes snapped open in surprise. "It's not something to understand," he quickly defended. "There's nothing to understand. It had to be you. No one else would suffice, Leon. From the moment I met you, I knew that it had to be you." He surprised even himself with just how honest he was being about it all. "I don't want to be with anyone else. Also, I promise that I'm far from amazing. But you, Leon….You're incredible. Why waste your time with someone like me? You know that I'm not the most confident or happy person. Wouldn't you rather be with someone more peppy like you?"

"No way! For me, it has to be you, Em. It's as you said. No one else would suffice. If he's not you, he's no good."

Emil felt the corners of his lips pull into a smile. "You really mean it?" he asked, feeling slightly childish by asking such a question.

"How do you suggest I prove it?" Leon inquired, voice flirtatious and playful. "What can I do to get my feelings through to you?"

The other boy blushed as many things ran through his mind. His boyfriend's flirtatious tone seemed to bring out many emotions he hadn't felt since the last time they had made out in the hotel room in Keokuk. He was nearly intoxicated by it. His heart pounded wildly in his chest as he thought back on it. It was almost as if he were craving Leon. What was this type of feeling? It sent tingling sensations throughout his entire body.

"Em? Are you still there?"

Emil shook his head to regain his senses, realizing that he hadn't said anything in nearly a minute. "Sorry about that," he quickly apologized.

"Imagining things?" the other boy teased. "You must have the dirtiest imagination of all of us." He laughed loudly. "God, I fucking miss you," he sighed once he calmed down. His voice now held a melancholy tone. "I swear, you really must be the better half of me."

"Yeah?" Emil asked, still embarrassed over spacing out. He was so glad that he was physically alone at that moment, certain that his face was flushed a deep crimson. How could he have allowed Leon to misunderstand so directly? "The better half, you say? That has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"Glad you think so. Do you accept your title?"

"With pride." The Icelandic boy yawned, eyes watering from exhaustion. "But I only accept it on the condition that you accept the same title from me."

"It's a done deal, Emil. Heh, that rhymed." Leon took a moment to laugh to himself over his wit.

And before the two realized it, the next two hours flew by as they chattered away on the phone in a much-needed conversation.

.

Emil yawned as he laced up his ice skates. Though he had been up past two in the morning, he had no regrets about it, even when Lukas and Mathias woke him up at ten to get ready. Any time he got to speak alone with Leon was precious to him. There was no way he wouldn't gratefully accept it.

"Damn, kid, how late were you up last night anyway?" Mathias laughed, standing up in his tightly-laced skates. "You are so out of it. Are you sure you're sleeping properly?"

"Ask me that again when you don't have my schedule so packed that I can barely breathe," the younger sighed, tightening his laces.

"Touche," his brother-in-law replied, grinning widely. "You any good at ice skating? I mean, I know that Lukas is, but I can't say I've ever seen you do it."

Emil shooed Mathias away with a flick of his hand. "I'm sure I'll manage," he assured. "You kids go have fun, okay?'

"You don't have to tell me twice!" With a smirk, Mathias bolted off on his skates to catch up with Lukas, who had already begun his rounds around the rink.

With a sigh, Emil grabbed the rail next to him and hoisted himself to his feet. He wobbled dangerously, unsure of how to properly balance on the blades. His eyes squeezed shut as he tried to calm his rapidly-beating heart. Happy place, Emil! Find your happy place!

"Need help?" a familiar voice asked. Emil's eyes flew open to see Leon peering at him from the other side of the wall to the rink. A kind smile rested on the Asian boy's face. "If you were to ask nicely, I would be more than happy to assist."

"Leon!" the Icelandic boy gasped. "Where did you come from?"

"Come on, Emil," the other boy groaned. "I'm sure you've received sex education from someone, right?" He jokingly rolled his eyes and grinned at his boyfriend. "Oh, I just happen to be on an outing with our friends. We decided to go ice skating today." Leon winked at Emil. "If you can't come to see your friends, your friends will come to see you, right?"

Emil was dumbfounded. No one had ever planned something like this before. Had Leon and the others missed him that much? Now that he could see the rink, he noticed that the rest of their friend group was scattered throughout it, skating away and laughing.

"Wait, you organized this?" the silvery-haired boy asked, still recovering from the shock of everyone being there.

"Nonsense," Leon replied, waving away such an absurd idea with a flick of his wrist. "I may or may not have texted Natalia after hanging up last night." He smiled at his boyfriend. "What can I say? We really miss having you around. Any way to convince your brothers to not let you be a stranger anymore?" He opened the gate of the rink and carefully stepped over to Emil. His hands reached out and grabbed Emil's. "Here, let me help you. I won't let you fall. And if you go, we go." Leon winked. "Don't worry, I've got you."

After about a minute of careful stepping, Emil was finally one the ice. Leon hadn't let go even once. His heart pounded as he gulped, trying to maintain his balance. He could feel himself moving on the ice, Leon's ever-patient grip pulling him along. With time, he began attempting to make strides with his feet, his boyfriend's kind words of encouragement keeping him going.

"Hey, you're getting the hang of it!" Lukas enthused, skating up next to his younger brother. "Look at you go!" He turned excited eyes toward his husband, who was coming up behind them. "Mat, look at our boy! He's skating!"

Mathias clapped an excited hand on each of Emil's shoulders from behind. "Is this what it's like to feel like a proud father, Luke?" he teased. "Our baby is growing up! What do we do?!"

"Buzz off," Emil grumbled, narrowing his eyes at his brothers. "You're too loud. Go away."

"He's so mean to us!" the Dane loudly complained from behind him.

"Yeah!" Lukas agreed, whining along with his husband. "How could our child be so cruel to us at such an important moment in his life? Such an ungrateful little boy! What did we ever do to deserve this?!" He plucked his husband's hands from his little brother's shoulders. "Come along, Mat! We don't need to bother ourselves with him! I'll race you on a lap around!" Without giving Mathias a chance to reply, he darted off, his husband hot on his heels.

"Kill me now," Emil groaned, face flushed from embarrassment. "They are the worst."

Leon was still chuckling to himself. "They remind me of Yao and Ivan in a weird sort of way. Like, maybe a younger version." He grinned at his boyfriend. "Your life seems pretty fun with them. Maybe that's just me speaking as an outsider, but it must be nice to have your family actually want to spend time together like this." His expression seemed to fall for a moment before he resumed smiling as if it hadn't. "Yao's always working, and Ivan kinda just does his own thing. I think he just feels weird around me and has no idea how to try to connect with me." He shrugged. "Maybe one day the three of us can hang out like you and your brothers."

The Icelandic boy felt a small stab of guilt at his boyfriend's words. It's true that Lukas and Mathias genuinely enjoyed spending time with him, but he never realized how much he took that for granted until that moment. There were some people, like Leon, who would probably give anything to hang out with their family the way Emil did with Lukas and Mathias, and here he was, complaining about it. He felt like such an ass for complaining. Just thinking about how Leon's expression fell before speaking about his home life with his brother was enough to make Emil want to crawl under a rock in shame. He had no idea what to say.

Picking up on the sudden mood change in his boyfriend, the Asian boy grinned. "Hey, what's with that face, Emil? It's fine. I kinda like that Yao and Ivan give me my space, you know? At least I don't have to worry about them becoming overbearing or something, right?" He laughed. "You should have seen what it was like when I first moved here! Yao had the biggest brother complex I had ever seen! I was honestly surprised that he even let me go to school or make friends or anything! If he had been able to, I bet he would've tried to homeschool me or some shit." Leon smiled fondly to himself. "That's why I'm glad that Ivan came into our lives. I was finally able to breathe and be a normal kid because of him. It was like he reminded my brother that there are more people to care about in this world than just me, you know?"

Emil's smile cracked into a smirk. "So you mean with time and Mathias's help, Lukas will get rid of his obsession with me?" he joked. "I swear, ever since I met him this past summer, he has been trying to attach himself to my hip. He's ridiculous."

"Yeah?" the Asian boy laughed. "Older brothers, I swear…"

The two boys continued on ranting and joking about their brothers for the next hour, eventually skating side-by-side. By the end of the afternoon, Emil's heart felt more full than it had in weeks. How was it that just by being around Leon he could feel so calm and at ease? Whenever Leon was around, everything just seemed to make sense. It just felt like as long as they were together, everything was going to be just fine.

.

Lilli ended up coming home with Lukas, Mathias, and Emil that night. Her brother was out of town again, and the people she usually stayed with were all busy with work. She would have stayed with Natalia had it not been for her girlfriend's grandmother staying there for the weekend. Then again, the small Scandinavian family was happy to have her there. They did their best to help her feel at home.

"Did you enjoy skating today, Emmy?" she asked her friend as they sat on the couch to watch movies that night. "We all decided to leave you and Leon to your own devices. He was so excited to see you today." Lilli smiled to herself, a mischievous sparkle in her green eyes. "We've all really missed hanging out with you, Em. Please don't be as much of a stranger anymore."

Emil laughed to himself. "Well being a stranger isn't that much of a choice for me," he sighed. "I'm kinda at the mercy of my brothers, you know? It really sucks at times. I hope you know that I've missed all of you too."

"Of course we do!" Lilli chirped, grinning widely. "You are always so sincere, so we know that when you said you missed us, you really did!" She took one of Emil's hands in both of hers, the size difference between them almost laughable. "We all just worry about you when you don't explain your absence properly. None of us ever thought you were mad at us or anything like that, but we always tend to worry when one of our own doesn't come around as often as they used to. I'm just glad you still seem to be doing well." Her hands squeezed his tightly. "We all just really love you a lot, especially Leon!"

Emil's heartbeat picked up in speed at the mention of Leon loving him. He could feel the blush rising in his cheeks. "I'll try to explain my absences better," he assured. "I'm sorry that I made you worry. I've just had to deal with Peter and Erland a lot lately, and then Lukas and Mathias keep wanting to do a bunch of stupid shit on weekends when Mathias has work off. I heard he's going to start working weekends again soon, though." His mouth stretched into a smile. "Once Mathias is back to working weekends again, I should be free to start doing stuff again. I mean, it's either that or we make plans before my brothers can snatch up my free time."

The blonde girl giggled. "You're so funny, Emil. They just really like spending time with you is all. I promise that we all understand. Family is important."

"Yeah, but aren't friends just as important?" the boy asked his companion. "Isn't there a saying that friends are the family that you choose?" He laughed to himself. "Then again, Lukas and I had no idea that each other existed until this past summer. Deep down, I wonder if I even consider him my actual brother. It's true that we look similar, but he seems more like a kind stranger who wanted to help my mom out. I honestly wonder why he suddenly popped back up in my life now, of all times."

"Life works in mysterious ways, doesn't it?" Lilli mused. "I think that you're lucky to have a big brother like Lukas. Even though he hadn't met you previously, he still invited you on the adventure of a lifetime with him. If you ask me, that's awfully kind of him. Technically speaking, you have him to thank for Leon and the rest of us. If you hadn't moved here with him, none of us would have ever met you."

Emil shrugged. "I guess you're right," he agreed. "I just wish he wasn't such a pain all the time. Then again, I'm sure you understand the whole doting older brother thing. Vash seemed quite protective of you when we were with him."

She giggled. "My big brother may seem all big and bad, but I think his bark is worse than his bite. He's really just a big softie." Something in her eyes held a form of sadness as she said, "Our home life is just as normal as anyone else's after all. It's usually just me and Irunya there. Vash comes home every four days and stays for three. And when he comes home, it's usually a lot of fun." Her gaze looked lost. "So much fun," she quietly stated. Lilli vigorously shook her head as if to rid her mind of what she had been thinking about. "I don't know if it's just me, but I enjoy living with my brother because it grants me more freedom than if I was living with my parents. I know that Leon feels the same."

The Icelandic boy thought back to his conversation with his boyfriend earlier that day. He knew that Leon had a lot of freedom after his brother had met Ivan. Perhaps she was talking about that. "Well, back in Reykjavik, my mom was barely ever home. She was always working to support the both of us. Sometimes, I would wonder if she would be better off if I was no longer in the picture, you know? Maybe that's why she pawned me off on Lukas so easily when he offered to bring me here with him."

"I don't think that's the case, Emmy," she softly interjected. "Maybe she let Lukas bring you here as a way of giving you a better life. Perhaps I am ignorant in suggesting that, but I think your mother would have truly wanted what was best for you. A life where you wouldn't have to struggle anymore was probably ideal for her, and they do call America the Land of Opportunity."

Emil sighed and hugged his knees to his chest. "Maybe you're right about that. I just miss her sometimes. I'm always wondering how she's doing, you know? I'm not there anymore to make sure she eats and sleeps properly. Sometimes I wonder if moving here was the right choice for me or not. What if something happens to her since I'm not there to look after her anymore? For so long, it was Emil and Ingrid Steilsson versus the world. I wonder how my mother is coping with being all alone for the first time in seventeen years. I can't help but worry about her, considering that for most of my life we were all each other had."

Lilli responded with a sagely nod. "I can understand where you're coming from with that," she stated. "Do you ever call her or anything?"

"When I first got here, we would call each other twice a week," he said. "With how busy my schedule has been, we've been missing each other's calls. I haven't been able to talk to her in a few weeks." Emil thought back on it. "Let's see, the last time we spoke was before the trip we all took to Keokuk."

"Don't you think you should call her soon to check in?" Lilli asked, cocking her head to the side with curiosity. "I'm sure she misses you and worries about you just as much as you worry about her."

"I just don't want to bother her, so I normally just wait for her to call me. It's just that I've missed her more recent calls. I get that it's on me, but still…"

"Maybe she's thinking the same thing about you. The phone works two ways, Emmy. I know that it's none of my business, really, but I think you should try calling her sometime. She might be a bit lonely without you."

Emil shrugged. "I suppose you're right." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, opening his WhatsApp and pulling up his mother. "What if she's busy?" he asked his friend, looking over at her. "I really don't want to bother her."

"It'll be fine," she insisted. "The worst she would do is not answer, right? What do you really have to lose here? I'm sure she would be so happy to hear from her precious son," she added, a hint of teasing in her voice. "Go ahead, Emmy. Call her."

His hands trembled slightly as he pressed the call button. He hadn't talked to his mother in so long that as he waited for the call to connect, he couldn't help but let his nerves get to him. What if she was busy and he inconvenienced her? What if she was sleeping and he woke her up? The possibilities ran rampant until he heard the click of someone answering the call.

"Halló?" a man's voice answered, causing Emil's blood to run cold. Who was this man? There was no way he had gotten the wrong number. "Ingrid!" he called.

"Emil?" his mother's voice asked. "Darling, is that you? Hello?"

The boy let his phone drop from his hand, frozen in horror. His mother's voice calling for him on the other end seemed so distant to him. His ears were buzzing. Never in his life had his mother had a man around her. She had always claimed that Emil was all she would ever need. If that were so, then why had a random man answered her phone?


	12. Chapter 12

For a few moments, Lilli sat next to Emil in a stunned silence, not knowing what else to do. From the way he had dropped the phone like that, she knew something unexpected must have happened. Her heart pounded in her chest upon seeing the look of absolute devastation on his face. What had happened that would make his face warp into something so sad?

Emil slowly reached for his phone after recovering from the shock of it all and hung up on his mother without speaking to her. He could feel the rush of hot tears burning his eyes, but he couldn't bring himself to cry in front of Lilli. Instead he jumped up and excused himself before rushing to the bathroom and locking the door. For the next ten minutes, he sat on the bathroom floor and sobbed as quietly as he could.

Out in the living room, Lilli sat on the couch, feeling confused. What had just happened? What had made Emil so upset that he would need to excuse himself? Before his mother began speaking, she had heard a much lower voice. Could that have been what upset him? Why would something like that upset him?

"Hey, where'd Emil go?" Mathias asked, walking into the living room. "He was right here a minute ago. I had a question for him."

Lilli bit her lip. "You see, he tried to call his mom," she began, "and I guess someone else answered the phone. He got really upset and rushed off to the bathroom. He's been gone for awhile. I really hope he's okay." She figured she wouldn't get a more perfect opportunity to ask about Emil, so she went ahead with her question. "A man answered his mother's phone," she slowly said. "Does Emil not get along with his father?"

Mathias's eyes widened. "A man answered her phone?" he asked. "Emil and Lukas's mom is a widow. She dedicated her life to Emil, so she never had time for anyone else. If she started dating someone once he came to America, I can see why Emil would be upset. That's got to be rough." He looked down the hallway toward his and Lukas's bedroom. "I'm gonna have Lukas check on him. I'll be right back."

.

Emil heard a soft knock on the bathroom door. He summoned his voice as normally as he could. "Who is it?" he asked, cringing when his voice cracked. What a mess he really turned out to be.

"What happened?" his brother's voice asked through the door. Lukas's voice was soft and patient, as if he knew that Emil had been sobbing for the past ten minutes. "I heard you tried to call Mom and some guy answered. Are you okay?"

The Icelandic boy sighed. He knew he shouldn't have called his mom, and especially in front of Lilli. She was probably going to think he was stupid or a big crybaby. It wasn't like he could explain his discomfort about a man answering his mother's phone without making himself seem childish. After all, how could he explain how he felt betrayed because his mother had some guy in her life after saying she only needed him? Hadn't he betrayed his own mother in the same way by moving to America and leaving her all alone?

"I'm fine," he finally managed to say. "It was just a shock, okay? I'm okay, so don't worry about it." He couldn't stop his voice from sounding bitter as he talked to his brother through the bathroom door. "Just go back to doing whatever you were doing. It's really nothing."

He listened as his brother's footsteps faded off down the hallway toward the living room. His heart felt heavy as he realized he needed to see Lilli again after doing something so stupid. What was she going to think? Will she think he's stupid for crying over something so small? But was it really as small of a deal as he was making it out to be? After all, his mother had replaced him. How was that not a big deal?

Deciding to play it off as nothing, he went back to the living room to find Lilli, Lukas, and Mathias all laughing together. He felt a slight twinge in his heart that made his body suddenly feel heavy and sluggish. Though he wanted to smile to prove that he was okay, he just couldn't bring his lips to properly form the shape. His mind was going a million miles an hour, and the one thought that kept rushing back to him made him feel sick. Even Lilli replaced me. She seems to be having a better time with Lukas and Mathias than she has with me all day.

"Are you feeling better, Emmy?" Lilli asked, smiling brightly at him. "I was worried about you." It was so obvious that she was ignoring the redness around his puffy eyes. "Come sit with us!" She eagerly patted the cushion next to her.

"I'm actually feeling pretty tired," he admitted. "I think I'm going to go and take a nap. I'll be back later." With that, he excused himself to his room, but not before he watched Lilli's smile fall into a look of concern. He hoped he would never have to see her make a face like that at him again.

.

Emil looked up as his bedroom door opened an hour later. His eyes focused on Lilli as she softly closed the door behind herself. He knew that she had already seen he was awake and realized that he couldn't pretend to be asleep to avoid talking. He felt Lilli sit on the end of his bed near his feet.

"Emmy, it's okay if you don't tell me what has you so upset," she softly said, gently patting his ankle. "You never have to talk to me about anything you don't want to." Lilli took a deep breath. "I just want you to know that I'll always be here for you. If you ever need anyone to just listen to what's bothering you, even if I'm what's bothering you, I'll always be here to listen. You're one of my best friends, and I love you a lot. It hurts me to see you upset when I know there's nothing I can do to make it better." She retracted her hand. "Then again, this isn't about me. It's about you. Please keep in mind that you can always talk to me about anything, okay? Ever since Arthur shot himself, I've been trying to be more attentive to the feelings of my friends. I guess you could say that I regret not realizing how hurt Arthur truly was." She sniffled a little. "If you're ever hurt or upset, please don't let it come down to something like that. Please reach out to us before deciding that being alive isn't worth it, okay?"

Emil slowly sat up and grabbed her hand, gently caressing the back of it with his thumb. "I won't let myself get to that point, Lilli," he told her. "I know that you, and everyone else, are here for me. I'll admit that I do have a bad habit of bottling up my feelings until they suffocate me, but I'll work on it. It's just hard right now." He could feel the words flowing out of his mouth, unable to stop them. "My mother always told me that I was all she would ever need, the only man in her life. And then, when I left, she got someone to replace me. It's not like I expected her to be lonely without me, but why couldn't she have talked to me about it first?" A tear trickled down his cheek and he hurriedly wiped it away. "In the end, will I really be that replaceable?"

"Oh, Emmy…" Lilli stood up and wrapped her arms around her friend, cradling his head in the crook of her neck. "No one could ever replace you. Your existence will always be needed, by all of us. Even if you feel that way, let me tell you right now that it's not true. We all love you, and our worlds would never be the same without you. Your mind is just being mean right now." She rubbed his back with one hand and soothingly ran her fingers through his hair with her other. "Don't listen to it. No one will ever replace you in anyone's heart or life. Please don't let your sadness get the best of you. We all love and care about you so much."

The Icelandic boy clung tightly to her, like a scolded child. "I'm sorry," he kept repeating into her neck, each time more frantic. "I didn't mean to upset you. I don't mean to make you worry about me. I'm okay. I'll be okay. Sometimes my feelings just get the best of me. That's all. I won't make you worry anymore, I promise."

She smiled her herself, ruffling his hair. "I'll always worry about you, Emmy. I wouldn't be your friend if I didn't. You're just too precious to me."

.

The rest of the weekend flew by before Emil could even remember that it even was the weekend. He kept thinking about how quickly time passed as he sat next to Lilli in the back of Lukas's car on the way to school. After the incident with his mother, Emil didn't have any more of those depressive episodes, yet he couldn't help but avoid his mother's calls for the next couple days. He just couldn't bring himself to talk to her, but he promised himself that he would properly discuss it with her once he was ready. Whenever that would be…

"Good morning!" Leon cheerfully greeted from the library table where they had all started gathering once it began getting cold out. He smiled up at his boyfriend, a playful glint in his eyes. "Did you have a good weekend? I heard Lilli stayed with you, so I doubt there was ever a dull moment there."

Emil sat down next to Leon, grinning. "It was a pretty nice weekend. How was yours? I didn't really have a chance to talk to you after the ice skating at the mall."

The Asian boy rolled his eyes. "Ugh, Yao is the worst! I had an appointment at the University hospital, and he had some stuff to take care of there, so of course I had to ride with him. Since we live across the city from there, I had to stay there until he was done. Emil, we were there from nine in the morning until four in the afternoon. I had to go up to the library on the eighth floor and just read all day. It was so boring! I would have rather been doing literally anything else!" He groaned loudly to prove his point and then reached under the table to hold his boyfriend's hand. "But yeah, that was my Sunday."

"Sounds rough," Emil chuckled. His hand felt so warm when enveloped in Leon's. In that moment, he felt so safe from himself. He felt as if Leon truly were the source of his happiness. If he could just sit there all day, holding Leon's hand, he felt as if everything would be okay. "My brothers took Lilli and I out to rent movies and get snacks before leaving on a date night. We kinda just chilled all day yesterday."

"Lucky you," Leon scoffed, a false bitterness in his tone. "I guess you could say that I chilled, but not in a fun way. Do you know how cold that hospital can be?"

Emil felt his lips pulling into a wide smile as Leon ranted on. Some laughter even escaped. He felt genuinely happy whenever he was with this boy, and he wished that they could always be like this, never having to separate at the end of the school day. Why must he ever have to separate from the best part of his life? It seemed too unfair.

Mei and Max soon came and joined Emil and Leon at the table. Talk of pop quizzes and pointless gossip filled the air around the table as Mei pulled out her notebook and spilled her latest findings, but only the juiciest ones. By the time she was finished, everyone was at the table and laughing about the rumors Mei had revealed, or they were discussing how to make sure they got everything right on the pop quiz.

It was then that Emil realized it. Whenever he felt hopeless, as if there was nothing still tying him to his pathetic life, he would remember these moments. He would think of the times where they all came together and laughed and joked and helped each other out with things. If anything was worth continuing on for, it was the people who had become so dear to him in just a few short months. They would always be worth it, because they made him feel worth it.

.

That night, as Emil sat in his bedroom, he figured that time would be as good as ever to call up his mother. His heart pounded in his chest as the phone rang, and when he heard the click of her picking up, he felt as if his heart were about to burst. He nearly dropped his phone upon hearing her voice.

"Emil, my darling, is that you?" she asked. "You called this weekend, but I don't know if you meant to. Are you doing okay? How's America? I'm sorry that I've been launching questions at you, my love. It's just been too long."

"Hallo, Mom," he slowly said, calming down. "I am doing well. America is nice. I'm sorry that I haven't been a good son and called you lately. I have made many friends, and we are always doing things together."

"That's wonderful to hear!" his mother enthused. "I'm so happy that you have made friends! I was so worried about you isolating yourself. You had always been so shy. I guess my worries must have been in vain. I'm so happy that you are doing well! I have something to tell you as well!"

Emil's heart pounded in his chest. This was it. This was the moment that she was going to tell him about the new man in her life. He didn't want to hear it confirmed, but at the same time he wanted to be happy for his mother. She must have been so lonely once he left. He wanted her to be happy, but he didn't want her to be happy without him. But that wasn't fair to her, considering that he was happy in America.

"What is it?" he asked, trying to keep his voice from cutting out. His anxiety of this moment had him trembling, but he knew he needed to be strong for his mother. After all, she was allowed to be happy and have a life outside of him. Though he knew that, why was it so hard to think about? Why couldn't he just support her happiness without feeling horrible about it?

"Things got lonely after you left for America with your brother," she slowly began. "One day I went to the market, and I met someone. His name was Hans, and he really helped me out with my shopping, just like you used to." Her voice had a definite smile to it. "He and I decided to get dinner together, and I met his two daughters. They're so darling, Em! Anyway, Hans and I have decided that neither of us are getting any younger, and he proposed to me last week! I've been wanting to tell you about this all weekend, which is why I had been calling you! But I figured you were busy."

"I was," Emil choked out, trying his best to hide how upset he was. "I'm glad that you're happy, Mom." The lies he was spouting felt like poison in his mouth. "This is exciting. I hope to meet him sometime. He sounds great."

"Oh, he is!" she gushed back. "I hope that one day you find a love like this!" Without realizing how upset she was making her son, she continued on about Hans and his daughters, randomly remarking about how she had always wanted a daughter.

After a few minutes, Emil couldn't take it anymore. "Mom, it's time for me to eat," he lied. "I'll talk to you another time, okay? I love you." He didn't even wait for her response before he hung up and broke down sobbing. Only this time, Lilli wasn't there. He cried to his heart's content, as loudly as he wanted to. It wasn't like there was anyone home but him.

Once he felt as if there were no more tears left in his body, he ventured out into the kitchen to get some water, just as Lukas was walking through the front door. He was talking on his cell phone, so Emil didn't greet him like he normally would.

Lukas peeked into the kitchen. "Yeah, he seems to be okay," he said into the phone. "I told you that there was no need to be worried about him. He was probably stressed out about tests or something. He is in high school, you know." He listened for a moment. "Yeah, I know. I love you too. Congratulations again; I'm happy for you. I'll talk to you later."

Once he finally hung up the phone, Lukas stood in the kitchen doorway before looking at Emil. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. "Mom was pretty worried about you. She said something seemed off about you. You don't like it, do you?"

Emil fixed his eyes on his brother's feet. "Who would like being replaced?" he quietly asked. "All my life, she told me that all she needed was me. Now she's telling me she had always wanted a daughter, and now she's engaged to some random guy with two of them." He could hear his bitter feelings seeping into his words, but he couldn't help it. "I doubt she even misses me."

Lukas chuckled bitterly. "I remember feeling that way," he admitted, causing his brother to look up. "When you were born, I felt as if I were replaced in her heart by you. That was why I never took the time to come and meet you when we were growing up. And my dad always told me that she would always love you more than me." He shook his head, a sad smile on his face. "But this past summer when I went to see her and meet you….I don't think I ever remember her being so happy. Even though I left her at a young age, she never replaced me in her heart. She could never replace you, Emil. She has a big enough heart for all of us."

The younger brother felt as if he were being forced to dry-swallow a large pill. "Yeah," he finally choked out. "I guess I was just so used to it being me and her versus the world, but I left her alone up there. She needs someone to be with her and remind her that the world is a beautiful place, just like what I have here. Maybe I just needed someone other than myself to remind me of that."

Lukas smiled at his little brother. "I'm glad that I could help then," he said. "Your feelings are valid, though. You have every right to be upset. I have to admit that even I was shocked. Then again, she's to that age where she doesn't exactly have the time to date around, you know? As you get older, you just find people you click with. That's what happened with my dad. Like, I swear, one of his wives when I was growing up was someone he married after a month of knowing her. She was my step-mom for about six months before they finally divorced." He bitterly chuckled. "I guess when you're as rich as my dad, you can literally buy love and then pay to get rid of it to buy more. At this point, I can't even remember all of the names of my step-siblings."

"Your dad is rich?" Emil asked. "So that means you're rich, too? Is that why we live in such a nice and fancy apartment?" He gestured to their elaborate surroundings.

"He may be rich, but the last thing of mine I ever let him pay for was my schooling," Lukas replied with a smirk. "I just chose one of the most expensive schools I could find, just to take advantage of his money. But I got a fantastic education, which landed me a great job that eventually transferred me to America. What you see right now is a product of mine and Mat's own work. My dad still wants to send us money, especially now that he knows you live here with us, but I refuse to let him. I want to be proud of my life because it's mine, you know?"

The younger of the two smiled to himself. "I can respect that," he admitted. "I mean, you are pretty stubborn when you want to be. It's pretty admirable when I think about it."

"Oh please!" his brother snorted. "It's nothing to be too impressed with. You could easily do it too! In fact, your grades are amazing! Your friends must really know how to study. Like, since English isn't your native language, I didn't think your grades would be as high as they are. You're in the Top 25 in your grade, and that's really impressive." He grinned. "I'm glad that you have such good friends."

At that moment, Emil decided that what really went on at those "study sessions" would always stay a secret from his brother. He would never admit that he would get drunk while Neoklis did his homework. Yet he was genuinely surprised that his brother gave him money for every "study session" he had with them. Lukas would never know that the money would go to his friend to forge his handwriting instead of the snacks he claimed it went to.

"They really are the best," he admitted. "I don't know where I would be if Lilli hadn't approached me on my first day. It's all thanks to her that I found a place where I really belong at school."

"I knew I liked her for a reason," Lukas laughed. "She's really something. And her passion for her friends is something to be admired. Her heart is most definitely in the right place." He smiled to himself. "This weekend, how about we have all of them over? I would love to meet them all."

The younger of the two looked up at his brother with wide eyes. Had he heard correctly? Lukas actually wanted all of them to come over? He had never mentioned Emil being able to have friends over other than Lilli before.

"Yeah!" Emil agreed. "I'll invite them!" And just like that, he couldn't wait for the weekend.


	13. Chapter 13

"I knew it was only a matter of time before Luke got curious about the rest of our friends," Lilli giggled at the lunch table when Emil invited them all over. "The only one of us he knows well is me, right?" She turned to the other kids at the table. "Emil's brothers are super cool, so you all need to be on your best behavior. So far, they think highly of us."

Yong-Soo scoffed. "They obviously don't know anything about us."

Natalia smacked him upside the head. "Let's keep the good impression going, idiot," she sighed. "After all, I know I speak for everyone when I say that I enjoy hanging out with Emil. And if you really enjoy being friends with him, then we all need to be on our best behaviors at his apartment this weekend, understood? If you're not, you're going to have me to deal with."

"Thanks, babe," Lilli giggled, smiling over at her girlfriend.

"How terrifying," the Korean boy scoffed, flinching directly after Natalia lurched in his direction. "I'm sorry, Nat," he instantly apologized before begging for mercy.

"The star of the football team scared of a girl in his friend group," Leon mused, smirking. "Cute, Yong-Soo. Really cute."

"How are you not scared of an angry Natalia?" Yong-Soo defended. "Like, for real! Haven't you ever seen her when she's angry? She's terrifying!" He quickly turned to Natalia. "I mean that with the utmost respect, just so you know," he clarified, to which she shrugged in response. "She can be a beast."

"I wouldn't know," Neoklis replied with a smirk. "I've never been stupid enough to piss her off like you." He glanced over at Leon as he knuckle-bumped him. "Like, you claim to be smart, but you still haven't learned when it comes to Nat? How stupid are you? Sometimes I wonder how you get good enough grades to stay on the sports teams here."

"Keep it coming," the Korean boy replied, scowling. "The roast of Yong-Soo Im is now in session."

"As much as I enjoy a good Korean barbeque, we have more things to think about," Max quickly stated, changing the subject and ignoring the annoyed look on Yong-Soo's face. "Guys, we all have officially been invited to Emil's house this weekend! Not only that, but he lives in Plaza Towers. Remember when we went to get him before going to Keokuk? Parking was a bitch. Now, here are our options. Either we use a nearby parking ramp, we could all carpool and take up less space, or even have parents or older siblings take us?"

"I like the idea of being dropped off," Lilli chimed in. "Since Emil lives downtown, we'll be by everything in case we wanted to go and do something. Also, that way we won't have to pay for parking at all. It's more efficient for all of us that way."

"Lilli makes a valid point," Mei replied, nodding. "I agree with her." She smiled at her boyfriend. "Now the only thing to decide on is who is riding with whom. If you ask me, we all live close enough to downtown to just get together and walk there as a group when we go, but since we're all still minors, we'll need to adjust rides home. It would be best to have people who live by each other carpool. Kinda like how Leon and Max only live a few blocks from each other, it would make sense for them to ride together."

"That's my girl," Max complimented with a smile. He wrapped his arm around her waist and snuggled her close to him for a second, kissing her cheek. "I know that either Tim or Char can take home three people. Nat lives by me, as does Leon." He thought for a moment, tapping his index finger to his chin. "I mean, whenever Lilli stays with Jiri and Alena she's also near me."

"Irunya is home this weekend, so I'm staying at home," Lilli replied. She scanned the table, trying to figure out the carpooling situation before her girlfriend chimed in.

"Max, if it's okay, Leon, Neo, and I will be riding with you," Natalia stated, a contemplative look on her face. "Mei, would you mom be able to give Raivis and Laura a ride home?"

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind," the Taiwanese girl cheerfully replied. "I'll check with her just to make sure. And since Lilli and Yong-Soo both live downtown and are neighbors, then Yong-Soo can walk Lilli home to ensure her safety!"

"That's exactly what I was thinking," the blonde replied, nodding. She then turned to the Korean boy. "Yong-Soo, can I trust you to walk Lilli home and make sure nothing happens to her?"

"Y-Yeah, of course," he stammered. "What kind of a guy do you take me for? I swear I'm not as incompetent as you all think I am."

"Damn, you had me fool," Max dryly stated, rolling his eyes.

"I resent that!" Yong-Soo grumbled. "Whatever, I can do it, Nat. You can trust me."

For the rest of the lunch period, the group of friends all discussed how excited they all were to hang out at Emil's that weekend. As he listened, the Icelandic boy couldn't help but feel happy, and even excited. After all, every one of his friends was excited to be seeing him. It was a wonderful feeling that he hoped would never go away.

.

Saturday came faster than expected. Emil had checked over the apartment at least five times over to make sure that it was clean and spotless, causing Mathias and Lukas to make fun of him over and over. Lukas had even encouraged Emil to invite one of his friends to stay over that night, and the younger brother knew exactly who he would invite. He was going to invite Leon to stay overnight. After all, he missed him after not being able to see him much outside of school.

When his friends arrived at the door, Emil had to take a few deep breaths to calm his nerves before going to the door. He turned to look over his shoulder to see Lukas and Mathias watching him from the living room. How annoying. Though he knew they cared about him and what was best for him, he wished those two could be a little less overbearing.

Emil opened the door to find all of his friends on the other side. They all looked more than excited to be there as they all flooded through the door, giving their greetings and removing their shoes, lining them up along the hall. Leon was the last to come through, and after making sure that Lukas and Mathias were distracted by Lilli greeting them, he stole a quick kiss from his boyfriend, grinning.

The Icelandic boy's head was instantly spinning from the sudden kiss from his boyfriend. It felt as if it had been so long since they had kissed, even though they would sneak kisses at school whenever they could. Perhaps it was because it was a sneaky kiss in the presence of his brothers that made Leon seem more attractively daring. Either way, Emil could feel his face turning red as his boyfriend laughed at the reaction.

"You know, red suits you," Leon teased, looking away as he discovered he was blushing as well. He kicked off his shoes and lined them up with everyone else's as Lilli began excitedly introducing everyone to Lukas and Mathias. Taking the opportunity, he pressed his lips to Emil's once more, realizing that he might not get another chance all day. He felt as if he had to tear himself from the other boy, but he couldn't risk pissing off Emil's older brothers, especially knowing how protective they are of him. "God, I've missed you on weekends."

"I've missed you too," Emil quietly admitted. He knew he wouldn't get another chance to ask without seeming unfair to all of his other friends, so he knew it was the only time. "Do you, ah, do you want to stay here tonight?" His nerves felt as if they were wound tighter than an eight-day clock. "I'd really like you to. I just wanted to ask you while we weren't with the others."

The Asian boy was taken by surprise, but he quickly pulled his phone from his pocket once he recovered from the initial shock. "Yeah, let me text my brother. I'll let you know." His fingers fumbled around on his lockscreen, typing in the wrong password twice before finally getting it right. Blushing, he headed toward the living room to greet his boyfriend's brothers before getting caught making typos in his texts to Yao.

"Baby Wang!" Mathias excitedly greeted upon seeing Leon. "I remember you! You're Yao's little brother! I'm a triage nurse at the university, so I see your brother a lot when he does evaluations in the ER! I believe we've met briefly before! I'm Mathias, and this is my husband Lukas."

Lukas studied the Asian boy while his husband spoke. "You're Emil's boyfriend, correct?" he asked Leon. Keeping a poker face was one of Lukas's many talents, and he maintained it as he studied the boy.

Leon felt anxious under his boyfriend's older brother's studious gaze, but he refused to let himself falter. "That's me," he confirmed. "We've been together since homecoming. I know I can speak for all of us here when I say that I feel so fortunate to call him a friend of mine." Through his peripheral vision, he could see everyone else eagerly nodding in agreement. "We all didn't know we were missing anything until he came along. And now, we have no idea what we'd do without him."

Mathias grinned. "Our Emil is one of a kind, isn't he?" he cheerfully asked. "Even if he doesn't say it aloud, he thinks the world of all of you as well."

"Stop. Talking," Emil grumbled, moving to the front of the group. He turned to Lukas. "And you leave Leon alone. He hasn't even been here for five minutes and you're already grilling him. Stop looking at him like that. You two said you'd be cool today, so follow through with what you told me."

Lukas smirked and turned to Mathias. "Okay, Em, you win," he stated. "We're going to run to the store for the rest of the stuff for dinner tonight. Behave, got it?"

"You say that as if I'm normally a wild animal at home," the younger brother sighed. "Just go. Please?"

"I'll keep an eye on them," Lilli chirped to Lukas and Mathias.

Lukas stood up and patted her on the head. "Thanks, Lil. I knew I could count on you." He smiled and headed toward the door with Mathias as they slipped on their coats and jackets. "Be back in a bit."

Once the two older men had left, Leon let out the breath he had been holding. "Shit, I thought I was going to piss myself when he stared at me like that," he sighed. He turned to Emil. "Why is your brother like that? What did people do to make him be that way? Like, shit!" He took a deep breath and turned to everyone else. "Why didn't they do that to any of you?"

Lilli giggled. "We're not dating Emil," she simply stated. "To put it simply, those two are very protective of him. Like, they're not at Vash's level...yet. So I'd say you're still safe at least."

The Cantonese boy groaned. "And you didn't think to warn me?"

"Where's the fun in that?" the blonde girl laughed. She then turned to Emil. "So, Emmy, what's on the agenda for today?"

"I couldn't think of anything at first, so I consulted Nat for her help," Emil shyly admitted, blushing. "I was thinking we could all hang out here and play some party video games or something. And then later on, we could go to Aspen Leaf for some frozen yogurt. Once it gets dark, we could have a movie night in the living room."

"That sounds fun!" Mei giggled. "I know I'm totally down for that!"

Everyone else unanimously agreed as well as Emil hooked up the game system. They all gathered in the living room, deciding on which game to play first. It was decided to play a fighting game for awhile, passing around the controllers.

As the games were being played, Leon sat next to Emil, holding his hand and stealing kisses every now and then. He often found himself looking over at Emil while they watched everyone play. His heart pounded every time as he watched his boyfriend genuinely laugh and smile with their friends. It made him think back to that night when they were drinking in the hotel in Keokuk. "When I'm with you, I don't want to kill myself." How could Emil say those kinds of things and then also look this happy? The smile on his boyfriend's face was too bright to be the smile of someone who wanted to kill himself. There was no way that Emil could be that depressed, right? Moments like these were the ones that reassured Leon that maybe he had imagined all of the suicidal talk that night. After all, he was drunk, too. Maybe he had just made up that conversation between them.

.

That night, after everyone else had gone home, Leon sat on the couch with Emil as they flipped through the channels on the television, neither of them really interested in watching something but also not wanting to sit in silence. Mathias and Lukas, once all of the others went home, announced that they were going to the movies in Coralville and left, leaving the two boys alone. But not without Lukas giving them a "Be On Your Best Behavior" lecture while Mathias dragged him out the door.

Leon looked over at Emil as he took the remote from his boyfriend. He smiled at his boyfriend's confused expression before he dropped the remote on the floor, settling for some sort of action movie on the screen. Leaning in toward Emil, he realized his boyfriend met him halfway with his lips. Instantly, he felt fortunate that they were on the same wavelength.

The kisses between the two boys became deeper and more passionate, leaving them gasping for air every now and then yet still longing for the other. They hadn't kissed like this since they had gone to Keokuk for the weekend. Was there any possibility that they would go further than just kissing this time? That thought alone set the hearts of both boys racing as they wondered which of them would make the first move.

It was finally Leon who initiated the next phase after their makeout session on the couch. He had moved them into a position where Emil was pinned beneath him as he kissed at his boyfriend's neck, careful not to leave any trace behind. His heart pounded as he traced the other boy's torso with his hands. But one small moan from Emil's lips gave him all of the encouragement to push through whatever nerves were restraining him. He reached down between Emil's legs and instantly felt that his boyfriend felt the same about the situation.

"Emil," he breathed, "is it okay?"

The Icelandic boy gasped at Leon's touch and nodded, panting. "Y-Yes, it's okay," he finally managed to say before yanking Leon back down to kiss him more.

With Emil's blessing, Leon slowly unbuttoned his boyfriend's pants, pulling the zipper down as well. The Icelandic's boy's gasp once his member had been freed sent chills through his boyfriend's body. Having never been overcome with such strong lust, neither boy was unsure of how to proceed from there. Since both of them still happened to be virgins, neither knew what to do, so Leon chose to do what he knew he could manage without getting too worked up.

Seeing how erect his boyfriend was, Leon pushed back the fabric of Emil's underwear, revealing the Icelandic boy's throbbing length. The Cantonese boy repositioned himself further down his boyfriend's body, licking at the tip of his member. His thinking became hazy as Emil squirmed and bit back a moan. More than anything, he wanted to hear those noises come from his boyfriend again, so he took as much of Emil into his mouth as he could without choking or gagging himself.

Having never gotten this far with someone before, Leon wasn't sure what to do from there, so he let instinct guide him. He decided to mentally put himself in Emil's shoes and do what he would want his boyfriend to do to him. His tongue swirled around his boyfriend's length as best as it could while he bobbed his head up and down on it as he internally cursed himself for not researching this better.

Emil, on the other hand, had never felt something like this before. Sure, he had pleasured himself before, but this was completely different from his hand. This was Leon. Part of him was wondering if this was really happening. How had he gotten so lucky? Could this be some sort of lucid fantasy dream? There was no way that this was happening, on his couch no less. Lukas and Mathias were out of the house until late, and Leon was really there sucking him off. How could this be real?

The Icelandic boy reached down and ran his fingers through his boyfriend's hair, as if checking to see if he was real. At the feeling of the soft dark hair of the other boy, he knew that it was real. He could feel his lust building up in his core, feeling as if it were setting his body on fire from the inside out. The feeling was building up stronger and stronger with every passing moment, driving him more and more insane. And just when he felt as if he were going to lose his damn mind, he reached his climax, crying out Leon's name and letting loose.

Not wanting to make a mess or anything, Leon swallowed every last bit of semen in his mouth. It wasn't like he minded the taste of it. Yet as he realized that Emil was satisfied, he felt his restrained manhood pressing against his own pants. Of all days he had chosen to wear skinny jeans…

Not taking too long to recover from his orgasm, Emil sat up and pushed his boyfriend down on the couch, pinning him beneath him. Leon had made him feel so good, and he was eager to return the favor. In that moment, it felt as if time had truly stopped.

.

Later that night, Emil had fallen asleep on Leon's shoulder while watching TV in the living room. The Asian boy snuggled his sleeping boyfriend into himself. He hadn't felt so content and happy in so long. It were almost as if what had happened between them was just some amazing dream the two of them had shared, but he knew it was real.

"You're just drunk," Lukas told Mathias as they entered the apartment. It was half past midnight, and it was obvious that Mathias had been drinking at the movie. "Take off your shoes. If you track mud into my apartment, so help me God, I'll end you."

"Don't be that way," Mathias hummed, kicking off his shoes. "I can even walk properly. I'm not even that drunk. Wanna see what else I can do?" He grabbed Lukas and pulled him into a fevered kiss, groping his butt. "And that's not all," he said, pulling away. "Want to find out more?"

"You idiot, do you forget that Emil has Leon here tonight?" his husband snapped at him. Lukas looked to the couch to see that Emil was asleep and that Leon was watching the TV. He turned back to Mathias. "I'll meet you in our bedroom in five minutes," he quickly stated, giving Mathias a quick kiss and pushing him in the direction of the hallway.

"Fuck yeah! I'm getting laid tonight!" the Danish man cheered, proudly heading toward the bedroom.

His husband's face was flushed a bright red that wasn't easily noticeable due to the fact that the only lighting in that room was the TV. He simply looked to Leon, who was now looking at him, and gave him an embarrassed nod. "Goodnight then," he quickly said before rushing off toward the bathroom.

Leon quietly laughed to himself. They were as bad as Yao and Ivan at times. He looked down at Emil who stirred in his sleep due to the laughing. Pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's forehead, he smiled to himself. "Maybe that could be us one day," he whispered to Emil, moving his silvery bangs out of his face. "Isn't that just a thought, my love?" After kissing his boyfriend's forehead one more time, he turned his attention back to the TV.

In the end, he wanted nothing more than to grow old with the man he loved, and he knew he would never love any other man the way he loved Emil Steilsson.


	14. Chapter 14

Emil woke up in a daze the next morning. Stretching, he realized that there was someone lying next to him in his bed. He looked over at his boyfriend and smile, blushing. In his disoriented mindset, he had forgotten that Leon had stayed over. His hand moved to brush Leon’s bangs from his sleeping face. How could someone be so perfect, even when asleep?

In his sleep, Leon grabbed Emil and snuggled him close. So close, in fact, that the Icelandic boy could put his head to his boyfriend’s chest and hear the steady rhythm of his heart. And as Emil listened to the other boy’s heartbeat, he felt at peace with himself, as if nothing could ever go wrong. How he longed to live in that moment forever.

After awhile, Leon began to stir in his sleep. For a moment, he held Emil tighter than he had been before relaxing his grip. He planted a sleepy kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead before sleepily mumbling, “Good morning, Emil.” His dark eyes slowly opened, looking into the violet eyes of the other boy. “Did you sleep well?”

“Who wouldn’t sleep well next to you?” the other boy playfully asked. He smiled and cupped Leon’s cheek in one hand, gazing into his eyes. His heart felt so full in that moment. How he wished he could wake like this every morning. “You’re so beautiful. Like, how the fuck can that be? You literally just woke up.”

The Cantonese boy grinned and cupped his boyfriend’s cheek back. “The world is ugly, Emil, but you’re so beautiful to me.” He laughed as Emil blushed and hid his face under his blanket. “It’s only fair that I say things like that too if you can.”

“No it’s not.”

“And why exactly is that?” Leon asked with an amused smile. With a swift tug, he ripped the blanket right off of Emil and blinked in surprise. “You’re blushing,” he mused. “Red looks pretty good on you, Em.”

Horrified, the Icelandic boy covered his rosy face with his hands. “Because you do unfair shit like this all the time,” he groaned. “How am I ever supposed to act normal around you when you’re so charming? I can’t do it! I just can’t!”

The Asian boy smiled and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, pulling him closer. “Who would ever want to be normal anyway?” he asked. “For what it’s worth, I like you the way you are.”

Emil felt his heart thumping loudly in his chest. Curious as to whether Leon could feel it as well, he looked up at him. Yet the moment that his head was tilted up toward the other boy’s, he felt his boyfriend’s soft lips on his own. And in that very moment, as their lips melded together, the Icelandic boy felt as if everything was going to be okay. At that moment, everything felt right in the world.

.

Mathias smiled widely as the two boys finally made their way into the kitchen that morning. “If it isn’t Tiny Lukas and Mini Yao,” he greeted, chuckling to himself. He turned to the two teenagers. “Is there anything in particular that you would like for breakfast?”

Emil thought for a moment. “Do we still have some cloudberry jam from our last trip to IKEA?” he yawned. “If so, then I’ll just take some of that on toast.”

“That’s hardly a meal,” the oldest of the three sighed, begrudgingly shoving some bread into the toaster. He opened the refrigerator door and grabbed the cloudberry jam. “What about you, Leon? Are you hungry at all?”

Leon glanced toward the sizzling bacon in the skillet. “Got any more bacon?” he asked.

Mathias’s eyes lit up. “A boy after my own heart!” he exclaimed. “I feel like I’m the only one in this house who actually eats breakfast. Lukas and Emil just nibble on toast or drink coffee every morning. But you, Leon, you actually eat something!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Emil groaned, rolling his eyes. He pulled a butter knife from the silverware drawer and did his best to mentally prepare himself for the moment of truth, which was when the toast was to pop out of the toaster. No matter how much he mentally prepped himself for it, he never felt as if he were truly ready for it whenever it happened. And as fate would have it, he still jumped when the toast shot up.

The Asian boy, who had been curiously watching his boyfriend to figure out what he was doing, stifled a giggle as he watched him jump. Even when he wasn’t trying to be, Emil was always the most amusing person to observe when in a room full of people. Then again, how could Leon ever not watch him at all times. After all, Emil was a beautiful human, but more than that, with the concerning things he would sometimes say, Leon wanted to be sure that nothing would ever happen to his precious boyfriend.

Emil blushed after slathering the jam onto his toast, realizing that Leon had been watching him. How embarrassing! How could he still jump at something as stupid as the toaster at his age? Why did Leon have to be watching right when that had happened? He wanted to go right back to bed and crawl under the blanket until his embarrassment passed, yet who knew how long that would truly be?

“It gets me too sometimes,” the Asian boy chimed in. “Especially when I’m home alone. It’s like you’re expecting it to pop up, but it’s always so sudden, ya know?”

Mathias, upon hearing Leon’s words, turned his back to the two boys and smiled to himself. He was well aware of how insecure his brother-in-law was about literally anything, and that Emil would rather die than let anyone see him do anything embarrassing. The fact that Leon had openly admitted to doing the same thing to make the other boy feel better meant everything. In that moment, the Danish man realized that he had nothing to worry about as far as his brother-in-law’s boyfriend was concerned. Leon was most definitely a good person.

.

Emil was sitting in bed and reading that night, trying to mentally prepare himself for school the next day. He hated waking up early. Why couldn’t school just be at least a little later in the day? Mornings weren’t exactly the most ideal time of day, especially when everyone was still half asleep.

There was a knock at his bedroom door, causing him to jump a little. “Come in,” he called, putting his book down next to him. He glanced at the clock next to his bed. It was quarter after ten. Lukas and Mathias were usually asleep by this time. He wondered what was going on.

Lukas slowly opened the door. He was wearing basketball shorts and one of Mathias’s long-sleeved shirts, which he seemed to be drowning in. “Got a minute?” he asked, lingering in the doorway until he received a response from his brother.

“Yeah, I suppose I can spare a minute,” Emil dryly replied. “But no longer than sixty seconds.”

The older brother smiled to himself and entered the room. He sat down on the end of Emil’s bed. “Do you mind if we talk about Leon for a moment?”

“Uh, sure. I guess. Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Lukas answered. “I just wanted to say that I really like him. You’ve picked yourself one of the best guys out there, Emil. He’s respectful, he’s kind, and he even goes out of his way to make sure everyone is comfortable in any given situation.” He smiled. “Mathias told me about this morning. You know, the thing with the toaster.” His smile widened slightly when he saw his brother blush in embarrassment. “I think you’ve found yourself a keeper, little brother.”

“He is,” Emil quietly confirmed, hugging his knees to his chest. “I really am lucky to have him. Out of all of the boys in our high school, he chose me.” There was a soft, fluttery feeling in his chest. “Before it all happened, I never thought for a moment that he’d settle for me, you know?”

“Look at me.” The authority in Lukas’s voice caused his younger brother’s attention to snap straight up to him. “No one settled for anyone. I hope you realize that. It’s like you said, he chose you out of hundreds of other guys. He chose you because you actually meant something to him. Last night, when Mathias and I got home, you were asleep on the couch, but Leon was wide awake. You wouldn’t know because you were asleep, but the way he was looking at you and the gentle way he was stroking your hair as you slept was the most sincere thing I’ve ever seen a high school boy do. It felt as if he didn’t want to be anywhere but beside you in that moment.” He sighed. “And then Mathias ruined it by excitedly asking me for sex.”

Emil chuckled to himself. “Sounds like him.”

The Norwegian man rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t it?” He groaned. “I wanted to kill him in that moment.” His lips pulled into one more smile as he looked at his brother. “Anyway, I just wanted to say that Leon is welcome here at any time, okay? Same for any of your other friends. You’ve really found some good people. I’m proud of you.”

“I think your minute is up,” the younger brother stated, smiling. “Goodnight, Lukas.”

“Goodnight, Emil.” Lukas stood up and ruffled his brother’s hair before heading to the door. “See you in the morning.”

“Yeah, see you then.” Once his brother was gone, Emil buried his face in his knees. While he was honored that Lukas would say such great things about his boyfriend, he was also extremely embarrassed by it. He knew how amazing of a guy Leon was, even without his brother saying it. But now that even his own family was telling him about it, their relationship seemed even more real than before.

His heart pounded in his chest as he tried to imagine what Lukas had seen upon coming home the night before. He pictured Leon’s fingers running through his silvery locks in the most gentle manner. As he imagined the look in his boyfriend’s eyes, he felt his face growing hot. How had he managed to get so lucky?

.

Upon meeting up with his friends the next morning at school, Emil was bombarded with enthusiasm over how "dope" his brothers were. He blushed a bit and told his friends that they liked them too. Blushing, he turned to Leon.

"Congrats," he began, "you officially have my brothers' seal of approval. They both adore you." Emil rolled his violet eyes, trying not to seem too embarrassed. "I don't know what you did, but according to them, I'm a really lucky guy."

"Couldn't the same be said about me?" Leon laughed, flashing his boyfriend a charming smile. "I mean, how was I supposed to know that the cute, shy transfer student from Iceland was going to be my boyfriend? Who knew you would be so charming? How could I not fall for you?"

The Icelandic boy blushed. "You're embarrassing," he grumbled.

"But I'm still yours." He grinned at Emil until he saw his lips also pull into a smile. "You know, before you came along, I didn't know how happy I could really be. Every relationship I've had up until now has been so flaky, and every breakup was always so vague. None of them lasted longer than a month. But when it comes to you, I see you in my future. I don't think I'll ever want to be with anyone but you."

"Stop, I'm going to burn myself alive like this," Emil groaned, cheeks hot with blush. "And then you'll be stuck all alone. You don't want that, do you?"

"Never in a million years," Leon confirmed. "I guess I'll have to stop for now, huh? Wouldn't want anything to happen to you, right?" He winked at his boyfriend. "So did you sleep well last night, even though I wasn't beside you?"

The Icelandic boy groaned even louder. "Stop," he pleaded. "I don't think my cheeks can get any redder. It's embarrassing. Especially doing this in front of everyone." He averted his gaze, knowing that he would blush even more if he looked at him. "Please, Leon, no more."

"If you say so," he answered with a shrug. The Asian boy slung his arm over his boyfriend's shoulder, grinning. "Let's get headed to class. We'll be late if we don't." He began to lead them toward the hallway where the classrooms were. "So what other praises did your brothers have for me?"

"All of them," his boyfriend sarcastically stated. "So much praise for The Great Leon Wang."

"Shut up," Leon laughed. "You're always like this. I try to feed my ego, and you have to tear me down with your sarcasm. You always have to do this. Why?"

"If I don't, who will?"

"Why, you little..."

.

At lunch, Emil was more than happy to be reunited with everyone. He was glad to be out of classes and take a break from learning. Being with his friends was always a good way for him to relax. If there was anything he would ever appreciate Iowa City High School for, it would definitely be his friends. Granted at first he didn’t know if he belonged with them, but as he sat around and laughed with them every day, he had never been so sure of his own standing with others in his life. They made him feel as if he truly belonged.

“So, tell us about your sleepover with Leon, Emmy,” Lilli giggled, waggling her eyebrows at her friend from across the lunch table. “And don’t leave out any of the juicy details, understand?”

“Hot, passionate sex all night,” Leon dryly replied before Emil could. “It was so sexy. He even called me by his father’s name.”

“I don’t even know my father’s name,” Emil commented as Lilli threw a few of her diced peaches at her boyfriend. He then cleared his throat. “We just hung out. Kinda like we always do.”

“Booooooring,” Laura drawled, rolling her eyes. “And to think we thought the two of you would be a bit kinky when left alone.” She turned to Yong-Soo. “Guess they just haven’t reached our level, have they?”

The Korean boy shook his head in mock dismay. “I guess our sweet boys just haven’t grown up yet like we thought they would have.” He clicked his tongue in disapproval for a few times. “Laura, where did we go wrong with them? I thought we raised them better than this.”

The African American girl buried her face into her boyfriend’s shoulder and pretended to weep. “I have failed as a mother!”

“Has anyone ever told you how annoyingly dramatic you are?” Leon groaned. “Like, remind me why I hang out with you two. Life isn’t all about sex, right? There are plenty of other things to enjoy than just carnal pleasures.” He then turned to Max, who hadn’t said a word since the discussion turned to sex lives. “I’m shocked that you haven’t said anything.”

“What would I have to say?” the blond asked. “Sex is just sex, right? It doesn’t matter when you have it or how often you have it. You just have to be sure of the bond you have with the other person first.” He reached under the table and held Mei’s hand with both of his. “I mean, Mei and I have been together for two years. Everyone knows that she and I are sexually active, even our parents as of this weekend.”

“What?!” everyone at the table all shouted in unison. They all quickly realized that the people at the tables near them were all staring at them, so they all lowered their voices.

“When did this happen?” Lilli demanded. “And why did I not know about it?”

“Mei, why didn’t you tell me anything about this? Did your parents take your phone or something?” Laura asked.

“What a plot twist,” Raivis commented, looking toward Neoklis, who nodded.

The Asian girl stood up, tears in her eyes. “I told you not to fucking say anything about it!” she shouted at her boyfriend. “Why can’t you just do one goddamn thing that I ask?!” Not caring who was all paying attention to her at that moment, she ran out of the cafeteria, immediately followed by Lilli, Natalia, and Laura.

Max paled and hung his head, tugging at his hair. “I fucked up,” he groaned. “She’s right. I shouldn’t have said anything.” After a moment, he slammed his fist on the table and stood up. “Goddammit,” he growled before heading off after the girls.

“What the hell was that all about?” Yong-Soo commented. “I mean, yeah, their parents found out they’ve been fucking for the past year, but why would Mei react like that to Max mentioning it to us?” He rolled his eyes. “I hope it didn’t put a huge rift in their relationship, you know? A bad breakup in our group would be devastating, you know? Especially if it’s those two.”

Emil spaced out after that as the guys all tried to figure out what had happened between Mei and Max. Yong-Soo was right. A breakup in their friend group would be bad. It would be almost like a war-zone. What if they had to choose sides and couldn’t remain friends with one of them? That would be absolutely devastating. He hoped that it would never come to that with any of them.

Then a terrifying thought crossed his mind. What if he and Leon were to break up? Leon had been a part of that friend group a lot longer than he had. Without a doubt, everyone would choose his boyfriend over him any day of the week. But then where would that leave Emil? He would be all alone. How terrifying.

He felt Leon grab his hand under the table a squeeze it, bringing him back to the present. Emil thankfully squeezed his boyfriend’s hand back, calming himself down. He needed to focus on the present and not worry about things that may or may not ever happen in the future. There was no telling what the future held, so he was determined to focus on living in the moment. After all, this was the only guaranteed time frame where Leon would be there.


	15. Chapter 15

The next couple days were a bit stressful within the friend group. While everyone was certain that there was no way Mei and Max would break up, especially the two in question, they would nitpick at each other constantly. Granted, it was mostly Mei who nitpicked and Max who got annoyed about it, which led to argument after argument. Finally, Lilli had enough and called everyone to her friend Jiri’s apartment after school one day to settle things.

Emil was surprised at how close the apartment was to Max and Leon’s houses, but he was even more surprised at how close it was to his own apartment as well. It was a two-bedroom apartment located at the end of a side street just off of downtown Iowa City. There was a train track right on the other side of the parking lot of the building, but it didn’t seem like it was going to bother them too much. The apartment was located on the second floor just off the staircase.

He reached the apartment door and knocked. There was the sound of a deadbolt sliding before Lilli opened the door, smiling up at him.

“Come in,” she enthused, smiling. “Almost everyone is here. We’re only waiting on Natalia, but she’s on her way. In fact, she’ll be here any minute.” Lilli grabbed his arm and pulled him into the apartment. “Go hang out in the living room. It’s just off this hallway. Everyone else is there.” She then closed the front door and deadbolted it once more, standing watch for her girlfriend.

Emil walked down the hallway and saw everyone when rounding the corner. A small smile made its way to his lips as he sat on the floor in front of Leon, instantly feeling his boyfriend’s fingers dive into his hair and play with it as he spoke with Yong-Soo, who was seated next to him. Though they were there for pressing reasons, the Icelandic boy couldn’t help but feel happy in that moment, even if it was only because of the small amount of affection he was currently receiving.

Before too long, Lilli entered with Natalia in tow, standing in front of everyone as Natalia took a seat next to Laura. “Alright, fucksticks,” she began, “I think we all know why we’re here, right?” She had obviously reached her maximum level of annoyance as she gestured to Mei and Max. “You two, what is your deal? I don’t understand why you’re always griping at each other and making literally everyone in a fifteen-foot radius uncomfortable. It’s not right, and you both know it. We need to know what’s going on, because honestly we’re sick of all of the arguing. I know I only speak for myself when I say this, but I’m certain that I’m not the only one who feels this way. We would probably be less annoyed with the both of you if we knew why you were acting this way. But since none of us know what the hell is going on, it’s pretty hard for us to be anywhere near empathetic and understanding.”

Mei hung her head and sighed. “I guess now is as good of a time as ever then,” she groaned. She lifted her head and looked to Max, who nodded and grabbed her hand. “About a month ago, I started feeling really weird. It was something that I couldn’t explain, but I figured it would go away before too long, you know? But it didn’t. Two weeks ago, I decided to just take a pregnancy test to rule out that possibility.” Once more, she hung her head. “But as it turns out, that possibility couldn’t be more correct. My mom found the positive tests in the trash, and the truth came out.”

Laura’s eyes were wide. “You mean to tell us that we are all going to be aunts and uncles, and you decided to keep that information a secret?” she finally asked. She then looked at Max. “Well, not you, Daddy.” Her mouth quirked into a smile as he blushed. “Look, I know we’re all in high school and everything, but baby news is always exciting.”

“Not for our families,” Max sighed. “Mei’s parents want to kill me, and my own parents came home from their cruise to yell at me. They also laid into Tim and Char for not keeping a better eye on me.”

“My mom keeps trying to talk me into getting an abortion,” the Asian girl sighed. She placed a gentle hand on her stomach and sighed. “But how could I ever even think of doing that, especially when this baby isn’t just mine. This baby is Max’s as well, whether my mom likes it or not. And I know for a fact that I would never want to do something like that, you know?”

Lilli, still stunned over the fact that Mei was pregnant, blinked a few times. “I can’t believe this is happening. This is so different from what I was expecting.” She quickly crouched in front of Mei and put a hand on her stomach. “I’m gonna be an auntie twice now,” she mused, smiling to herself.

“Twice?” Laura asked, eyes wide. “Wait! Are you for real? Does that mean your brother and Irunya are pregnant?”

The blonde’s eyes widened as she realized what she had said. “Vash really wants to keep it hush-hush, but yes.” She smiled lovingly at Mei’s stomach. “Auntie Lilli is living for all of this.”

Mei smiled at her friend. “At least I know that this baby will be loved,” she said, smiling. She took a deep breath. “I’m glad you called us all here so I could tell you. I didn’t feel comfortable doing it at school since there’s a fuckton of other people there, and this isn’t exactly something that you type in a group chat, you know?”

Max grabbed his girlfriend’s hand. “And it’s not like Mei and I are actually arguing just to argue. Her hormones are crazy right now, and I can’t keep up.”

His girlfriend took her hand back and smacked his arm with it. “Why would you say something so unnecessary?” she grumbled. “I’m sure they got it without you phrasing it that way.” She groaned and hugged her knees to her chest. “Why are you like this, Max?”

“I guess that clears everything up,” Raivis stated. “Now I have to think of a cool uncle name that will be easy for your baby to say once they start talking.” He smiled to himself. “This is pretty exciting.” His hand grasped his boyfriend’s tightly. “We’re going to be uncles, Neo! Isn’t this awesome?”

As everyone began to excitedly talk about Mei and Max’s baby and how excited they were to be aunts and uncles, Emil couldn’t help but feel left out. They had all known each other for years, so of course that baby would be their niece or nephew, but where did that leave him? Sure, he was part of the group, he knew that much. But would he be an uncle to the baby, too? After all, he hadn’t known any of them long enough to be considered like a sibling to them. While he longed to be included with them, he didn’t know if he had gained that right. It made him wonder what he would have to do to be able to be an uncle to that baby.

“Right, Uncle Emmy?” Lilli giggled, nudging him in the ribs and bringing him out of his thoughts. “I know you tutor those little boys in your building, so you would have no problems dealing with this baby, will you?”

Uncle Emmy. Something about that name made Emil’s heart skip a beat. Did this mean he was included as well? “I like kids,” he said. “They’re a lot of fun to be around. I’ve never been around a baby, though. I assume that it’s a bit different than a child, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be an issue.”

Mei smiled warmly at him. “I don’t know if I’ve ever expressed it to you personally before, but I know I’ve told many people this before, so why not actually say it to your face. You have no idea how much I love you, Emil Steilsson. At first, I was really iffy about a new person in our group. I was really cautious of you. Granted, I’m slow to trust others, which is something I’m working on, but I just want you to know that I can’t imagine my life without you. I speak for everyone in this group when I say that, Em. It feels as if you’ve always been here with us, and I don’t know what any of us would do without you.” She reached out and grabbed his hand with both of hers. “I bet you sometimes feel left out in regards to how long the rest of us have known each other. I mean, I know Leon did at first. But always remember that it’s never about how long you’ve known someone, it’s about how you feel when you’re with them. And I, for one, adore you, Emmy.”

“I second that!” Laura chimed in. “You’ll always be one of us!”

As the rest of the group chimed in with their agreement, Emil could feel his chest growing tighter and tighter. Sure, he was used to how inclusive they all were of him, but for them all to openly express what he meant to them like that was a whole new level of belonging for him. It made him so emotional. Never in his life had he bonded with anyone so quickly. He could hardly believe that this was real.

Leon, noticing how emotional his boyfriend was getting, quickly changed the subject to baby names before cupping Emil’s cheeks in his hands and tilting his head back to look at him. “Don’t ever doubt where you stand, okay?” he softly said so that only he could hear. “You mean more to us than you’ll ever comprehend.” He kissed Emil’s forehead and then went back to playing with his hair, smiling to himself. Perhaps hearing what they all had to say about him would really help his boyfriend out.

.

Peter and Erland joined Emil, Lukas, and Mathias for dinner that night. Their parents were forced into shifts that night, so they would be sleeping over. No one really minded that, though, because the boys were well-behaved. To Emil, it was almost as if he gained two little brothers whenever those two were around.

“Your father asked us to make sure you two shower tonight before bed,” Mathias stated to the two boys. “So Peter, you’re showering first. Once he’s done, it’s your turn, Erland. After you finish that, then the two of you are free to watch TV or play video games or whatever, but it’s lights out at ten, okay?”

Peter grinned at him. “Okay, Mathias! Thanks again for letting us stay here tonight! You and Lukas are so nice!”

Lukas smiled to himself as he took a sip of his water. “We only let you because we like you,” he told the boy. “Emil, on the other hand….” He sighed. “We kinda have to with him considering he’s my little brother.” He winked at the Icelandic boy before turning back to the two middle schoolers. “Just always remember that when you’re here, our house is your house.”

The redhead looked up at the tattooed man. “Thank you, Lukas,” he quietly said. He finished his food and scooted his chair back. “May I be excused? I need to study for my history test tomorrow.”

“Go for it,” Mathias answered. “Just please put your dishes in the sink when you get up.” He smiled as Erland nodded and stood up, taking his dishes with him. “Emil, how was your day? Learn anything new in school?”

“Not really,” he replied before taking a bite of mashed potatoes. He swallowed before continuing. “I mean, all I know is that American history is pretty fucked, but that’s a bit of a given, don’t you think?” There was no way he was about to tell his brothers about Mei and Max’s news. “Neo really helped clear things up for me at our after-school study session, though. Those guys all help me out with anything that I don’t understand. I’m fortunate to have friends like them.”

“And to think you were worried that Emil would have trouble making friends with good kids,” Mathias teased his husband, which earned him an instant glare from Lukas. “It looks like all of our worries were in vain, though. Our boy is doing just fine in school.” He then focused his blue eyes on the young blond across the table from him. “Peter, how was your day? Did you learn anything new in school?”

The boy thought for a moment. “Today in home economics, we were learning how to sew, and I kept accidentally stabbing myself with my needle. Other than that, it was a sort of review day because we have tests coming up, which I’m confident that I’ll ace.”

Lukas raised his eyebrows, impressed. “Really now, Peter? I’m glad you feel confident.”

“Well, it’s not like it was my effort alone,” Peter replied, beaming. He looked over at Emil. “I doubt I would feel this confident if Emil hadn’t helped me review everything. He even taught me rhymes to help me remember how some things go. Rhymes are catchy and get stuck in your head, which means if the answers rhyme, those will get stuck in my head as well.”

Mathias reached over and ruffled his brother-in-law’s hair. “Look at you, all smart and shit! That’s my boy!”

Emil swatted Mathias’s hands away before standing up and grabbing his dishes. “I have some tests coming up, too, so I’m going to go study.” He quickly left the table and hurried off to his room after putting the dishes in the sink.

Once in his room, he pulled his phone out of his pocket, realizing that the group chat had once more exploded with messages and talk of the baby. Everyone was so excited that even Emil was over the moon about it. He had never been a part of something so exciting. All he hoped now was that he would be able to be a good role model for that baby once it was born.

.

The next day at school, Emil had a hard time focusing in his classes. He felt so sluggish and tired, even though he had slept a good eight hours. When he had woken that morning, his body felt heavier than normal, and he wondered why that was. Something seemed off in his body, but he was too drained to give it much thought. Perhaps he would take a nap after school.

“Earth to Emil,” Yong-Soo said at the end of history class. He waved a hand in front of his friend’s face. “You spaced out all through class. Let’s go, the bell rang. Lunch is starting.” Seeing as how his friend’s movements were slower than normal, he grabbed his arm and helped him out of his desk. “Damn, dude, how tired are you?” he laughed. “Up too late reading or something?”

“Or something,” Emil laughed, walking alongside the Korean boy. “Yong-Soo, do you ever just feel absolutely exhausted for no reason? Like, you get enough sleep and eat well and all that shit, but you’re still just so fucking tired?”

“Not really?” Yong-Soo replied with an unsure laugh. “Have you thought about seeing a doctor for that? It could be a medical condition. After all, America’s climate is a bit different from the climate in Iceland. Maybe it has something to do with that.”

“Maybe,” Emil thought aloud. “I’ll talk to Mathias about it tonight and see what he says. After all, he’s a nurse. I’m sure he could come up with something.”

The Korean boy clapped his friend on the back. “Yeah, good idea, Emil! I always knew you were smart!”

During lunch, Emil struggled to keep his eyes open and finally gave up, resting his head on Leon’s shoulder as he took a quick nap. Leon didn’t mind it too much, stroking his boyfriend’s hand under the table as he napped. Nothing seemed too out of the ordinary with Emil anyway. It’s not like it was anything to be worried about.

.

“Hey, Mat, can I ask you about something?” Emil asked, walking up to his brother-in-law in that kitchen after dinner. It was just the two of them in the kitchen, and he wasn’t feeling up to talking to Lukas about how tired he felt just yet. He felt it was better to get a professional’s opinion before he began to worry his brother. “It’ll be real quick, I swear.”

“Even if it wasn’t, you know I’ll always make time to answer any questions you may have,” Mathias replied, turning toward Emil. He hoisted himself up to sit on the countertop as he faced him. “What’s your question?”

“So, I’ve been getting a good eight hours of sleep lately, right?” the Icelandic boy began. “Well, for some reason, no matter how long I sleep, I always feel tired when I wake up. I don’t know why that is, though. And I also haven’t really felt much emotionally lately either. It’s really weird, because a couple weeks ago I could feel happiness and all that just fine, but now I don’t really feel anything. Like, for some reason, I’m not as excited about things lately, and I can’t figure out why. I even have a lot of trouble focusing.”

His brother-in-law frowned. “That doesn’t sound good at all,” he commented. “How would you feel about seeing a doctor about that? I’m sure we could get you into one at the University.”

“How could a doctor help with that?” Emil asked. “Nothing is broken or anything. I’m not in any pain and I don’t feel sick. There’s nothing that a doctor can really do for that.”

“Not a medical doctor,” Mathias interjected. “I just feel that, with what you told me, it may benefit you to start seeing a psychiatrist. We have excellent ones at the University who will get you feeling back to normal in no time.”

The word “psychiatrist” scared Emil. Why would he need to go and see one of those? He was just fine. “I don’t think I would really need one, Mathias. Honestly, I think I’m just tired.”

“Have you talked to Luke about any of this?”

“No,” he replied. “It’s not like it’s something even worth mentioning. Maybe I’ll just go to bed a little early tonight. You know, it’s been sunny up until now. Maybe it’s the lack of vitamin D coming from the sun. I wonder if I still have any of my pills for that from Iceland. I’ll be fine, Mathias. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t sick or anything. Anyway, I’m going to go lie down so I can be better rested tomorrow. Goodnight, Mat.”

“Goodnight, Emil,” he said, biting his lip in concern once the boy left. If Emil hadn’t mentioned this to Lukas, how could Mathias bring it up to his husband without breaking all trust that he had worked so hard to build up with the Icelandic boy. He thought about it and decided that if things get any worse in Emil’s case, he would bring it up to his husband. For now, he would just watch him a little more closely.

.

Emil laid in bed that night and thought about what Mathias had said. Why would he need to see a psychiatrist? It wasn’t like he was bipolar or anything. There had to be other alternatives to something like that. Just the idea of seeing that kind of specialist scared him. He wasn’t mentally unstable, he was just tired. That’s all. He didn’t understand why Mathias was making such a big deal out of it.

He rolled over and threw his blanket over his head, hoping that would help him fall asleep faster. The sooner he could fall asleep, the sooner he would stop thinking about his kind of stuff. If only he could just command himself to sleep. That would solve his problems a lot easier. He sighed and pulled his blanket off of his head, feeling as if he were suffocating under all of that warmth and darkness.

Rolling back onto his back, Emil stared up at the ceiling. Lost in thought was not a good way to fall asleep. After all, if he thought too much, he knew he would be up all night with no chance of sleep. With a groan, he rolled back onto his side and curled up in his blanket. Why couldn’t he just sleep?


	16. Chapter 16

February 14, 2015, Iowa City, Iowa

Emil groaned as his morning alarm went off. Over the past few months, he had grown increasingly tired, to the point that he could sleep for nearly twenty-four hours and feel as if he never slept at all. He hardly knew what to do anymore. It was making him cranky and irritable with others. All of his friends were worried about him, especially with the dark circles under his eyes. They never believed him when he explained that he got an excellent amount of sleep. What was wrong with him?

Things with Leon had been going well, at least. Yet whenever they were together, Emil could never quite shake the gnawing feeling in his chest that he didn’t deserve any of it. He didn’t deserve to be happy. He didn’t deserve someone as amazing as his boyfriend. In fact, he felt that he truly didn’t deserve anything anymore.

As every day went by, the sinking feeling in his chest grew deeper and deeper. He gradually became less emotional as well. What was happening to him? It felt as if he spent his days in auto-pilot, going through the motions of daily life and only giving generic responses. Emil felt as if he were becoming the hollow shell of who he once was. It terrified him. What was truly happening to him? Why was he feeling this way? He hardly even felt alive anymore.

“Ah, today is just so romantic, Emmy!” Lilli chirped at him upon greeting at the mall. Since it was a Saturday, they had all decided to go on a group date to the mall and then go their own separate ways later in the evening. Lilli and Emil were the first ones there. “You can just feel all of the love in the air!” She linked her arm with his and rested her head on his shoulder. “Are you excited to see Leon today?”

“Of course,” he replied, though he just couldn’t feel it. He was always excited to see Leon, even if it wasn’t apparent to those around him. In his mind, Leon was what made everything make sense. Without Leon, Emil didn’t know what to do. “Any day I see Leon is a good day, you know?”

She smiled widely at him. “I’m glad! You know, you look as if you slept better last night. That’s always a good thing.”

Emil didn’t have the heart to tell her that he had purchased concealer at the CVS in Old Capitol Mall after school the night before and watched online tutorials on how to apply it. “Yeah, my sleeping has been getting better,” he lied. “Since I was so excited for today, I went to bed early to be ready.” Another lie. He had gone to bed early simply because he couldn’t handle feeling conscious anymore. Not like his friends needed to know that, though. He didn’t want to make them worry or suggest professional help like Mathias did.

“That’s good!” she excitedly squealed. “If I’m honest, I’ve been really worried about you lately, Em. Something has seemed a bit off about you, but I hadn’t been able to place it. That’s why I automatically assumed that it was lack of sleep.” She slipped a hand down to grab his, interlocking their fingers as she used her other arm to hug his to her chest. “Please know that you can always talk to me about anything, Em. Even if it’s something you think I may not want to hear. I’d rather hear that you’re struggling with something than to hear that something happened to you, you know. You’re one of my best friends.”

“There’s nothing wrong,” he told her. “Nothing will happen to me, Lil, trust me.” Emil cast her his most convincing smile. “If anything, I’m just stressed out because of homework and all that. I wish that I could pay Neo to do it, but I’m a little low on funds lately.”

Lilli nodded sagely. “I completely understand that. I’m low on cash as well.” She smiled up at him. “I feel so relieved knowing that I was wrong! It feels as if a metric ton was lifted from my already-tiny chest, you know?” Her hand gently squeezed his. “You know, I have no idea what I’d do if something ever happened to you. We’re like family, Emil. You’re like my brother. I mean, other than Leon, I’m the one in our friend group that you spend the most time with. It’s like we’re attached at the hip sometimes. When I stay over at your place, I feel as if I’m part of the family. There is so much warmth, and I never want that to end. Sure, I’m close with everyone else in the group, but with you it’s different. I don’t know how to explain it. Just know one thing. I love you so much, Emil. Much more than words can ever say.”

The Icelandic boy blushed. “I love you too, Lilli,” he replied. “You’re like the sister I never had.” He timidly squeezed her hand in response. “Lukas and Mathias even gush over you like you’re their little sister.” A small smile played on his lips. “I guess you could say that you’re a very important figure in our household. It’s kinda like the place needed a woman’s touch, and you’re just the girl we needed, you know?”

She happily hummed her agreement. “I know exactly what you mean. If I’m honest, I’m not really that close with the other boys in our group like I am with you. When I met you on your first day, something inside of me told me that you would become important to me. I can’t really explain it. It’s not a gut feeling, because it’s something so much deeper. It’s like our souls are connected in a way.”

“So like platonic soulmates?” he asked. “I can accept that.” He felt his lips twitch into a small, satisfied smile. “Yeah, I like that, Lilli. Soulmates. I’ve never had someone refer to me as something like that. It makes me feel pretty important.”

“It’s because you are, Emmy. Don’t ever forget that.” Lilli stood on her tip-toes and kissed his cheek. “And if you ever do forget, let one of us remind you, okay?” She squeezed his hand, clutching his arm tighter. “I’m serious, Emil. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He forced a laugh. “The way you’re speaking sounds like I’m dying or something. I assure you that I’m fine, okay? You don’t need to worry about a thing. Everything is okay. No one is going anywhere. We are all just fine, and we are all going to stay that way.”

“I’m glad,” she giggled, relieved. “I’m so glad that we became besties! It’s definitely one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for myself. Right up there with dating Natalia!” Her eyes lit up as she looked over by the indoor carousel in the mall. “Speak of Nat, there she is!” Lilli stopped clutching Emil’s arm and bolted toward her girlfriend, dragging the boy with her.

.

“So what do you want to do this evening?” Leon asked as he and Emil browsed the Barnes and Noble. “Do you have any ideas? It doesn’t have to be romantic or anything. I honestly enjoy any time I get to spend with you, y’know?” He smirked to himself, pulling a random manga off of the shelf. “Hell, even a ride in a police car sounds great if it’s with you.”

Emil scoffed. “A police car?” he laughed. “You have some weird fantasies, but please continue. What would get us landed in the back of a police car on Valentine’s Day? I actually want to hear this. How creative can you get? Enlighten me.”

The Asian boy felt his cheeks grow hot. He was honestly making a joke, but Emil asking to continue with it sent his mind into a frenzy. Every scenario that entered his mind was suddenly dirty, but he decided to choose one and go with it. Leon lowered his voice as he began. “Okay, so we would be in that back corner of the store over there where no one goes because it’s a bunch of boring-ass books, right? I would corner you against one of the shelves, and we would start kissing.” He had to close his eyes to focus on his fantasy, but also to avoid eye contact with Emil until he was finished. “Things would be getting really hot, you know? So I would go down on my knees and make sure no one was looking before I start sucking you off.”

“In public?!” Emil gasped, startled.

Leon opened one eye for a second. “Emil, you asked me why we would be in a police car. Allow me to finish.”

“By all means,” the other boy laughed. “Continue, Leon. It’s just starting to get good.”

“Thank you.” He closed both eyes once more. “You’re just about the cum when suddenly, a little old lady rounds the corner and sees us.” 

“That poor lady…”

Leon loudly cleared his throat, causing his boyfriend to snicker. “She suddenly clutches at her chest. The scene she is beholding is just too sexy and sends her into cardiac arrest, ruining the mood. An employee rounds the corner moments later and sees us and the collapsed old lady. He immediately calls emergency services. And that’s how we end up in the back of a police car, and more than likely grounded for life.” He opened his eyes. “What do you think?”

Emil rolled his eyes, grinning. “Good thing no little old ladies will be having heart attacks over us today, right?” he replied, grin turning to a smirk. “Although there is a part of it that I can get behind.” He turned and walked over to the corner that Leon had been talking about, his boyfriend following.

After checking around for anyone in any nearby aisles, Emil wrapped an arm around his boyfriend’s waist, pressing the two of them together as he kissed him. He could feel Leon’s heart hammering in his chest as their lips and tongues twisted together in perfect harmony. His own heart was pounding but he didn’t care. Though he was normally against public displays of affection, something felt right about this one. It was similar to the night of the homecoming dance, the night they started officially dating.

Leon panted as they pulled apart, gasping for breath. “I, uh, wasn’t expecting that,” he quickly said, flustered. “You’re surprisingly bold today, Emil.” He grabbed his boyfriend’s hand and placed it over his racing heart. “My heart is pounding like crazy. It feels like my body reacts in ways I never thought it could whenever you’re involved.” His cheeks were rosy as he looks up at his boyfriend. “How about you come stay at my house tonight? We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. I just…. I just want to stay by your side for as long as I can.”

.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Mathias told Emil with a wink when he dropped his overnight bag over at the Wang residence. “Call me or Lukas when you need picked up tomorrow, okay? It’s freezing out, so don’t try to walk home. Have a good night, bro.”

Emil closed the front door and leaned against it with a sigh. Why was Mathias so embarrassing? He didn’t know what he would do if Leon were to have seen that. His hand reached for the lock on the front door, securing it, before he headed back to Leon’s room. Hopefully his flustered demeanor would disappear before Leon noticed it.

“What’s got you all rosy?” Leon asked the moment Emil re-entered the room. “Did your brother embarrass you again? I’ve noticed they’re pretty great at that, especially when it involves me.”

“Shut up,” the Icelandic boy grumbled, tossing his bag onto the bottom bunk his boyfriend’s bed. He then walked over to Leon, who was seated at the computer desk. “What are you doing?” he asked, looking at the screen. The tab that was open was about mental disorders.

“Oh, I’m just doing some research,” his boyfriend replied. “My brother is a psychiatrist, and sometimes he tells me about things he’s experienced and seen at work. When the stories are more on the interesting side, I like to look up the disorders and learn more.” Leon scrolled down and clicked on one labeled Anorexia Nervosa. “A couple years ago, when I first moved here, Yao had a boyfriend named Alfred who suffered from this. He was so scrawny, yet he worked out all the time. His muscles looked so strange when the rest of him was skin and bone. Al was the reason that I started researching things like this. I’m like an information sponge when it comes to psych topics. I can’t learn enough.”

“Interesting,” Emil mused, peeking over his boyfriend’s shoulder. “So this psychology stuff, is that something you want to pursue one day?”

The Asian boy sighed. “I don’t really know,” he replied. “While I find it incredible and fascinating, I really don’t want my brother to think that I’m trying to follow in his footsteps or be like him or something. That would be a real pain, y’know? It would be like if Mathias discovered that you wanted to go into nursing as well.”

His boyfriend grimaced. “That sounds like a fucking nightmare.” Thoughts of Mathias cheerfully and excitedly doting on him for pursuing the same profession as he did swarmed his mind. “I completely understand. But just know that if you went into that field, I’d be proud of you. Heck, I’d be proud of you even if you became a stripper. You own everything you do and make it yours.”

Leon blushed. “Thanks,” he softly stated. “That actually boosts my confidence.” He chuckled to himself. “Though I know I’d make an excellent stripper, my body isn’t for just anyone’s eyes, y’know?” His gaze then went to his boyfriend as he winked. “In all seriousness, though,” he began, taking Emil’s hand in both of his, “you have no idea how happy it makes me to know that you’d be proud of me no matter what I chose to do with my life.” He kissed Emil’s hand. “Ever since I started dating you back in October, I can’t stop thinking about how fortunate I am to have you for a boyfriend, Emil. You are everything I could ever ask for in a partner, and then some. There is no one else in the entire world that I’d rather be with.” With a slight tug, he pulled Emil down onto his lap in the computer chair and snuggle him. “I love you, Emil. I really do. And though there are many things in life that I feel unsure about, my feelings for you are definitely not one of them.” He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, hugging him close as he gently kissed his neck. “I know for a fact that I love you more than I’ve ever loved another person.”

Emil twisted slightly in his boyfriend’s lap so that he could see him. “You really mean that?” he asked. Upon hearing Leon hum his confirmation, he felt his cheeks flare up with blush. “I love you too, Leon,” he slowly replied, feeling overwhelmed by his own feelings. “Sometimes, I feel as if you’re the only thing in my world that makes sense. Whenever things get hard for me, I think about you and I begin to feel better. Though I have nothing to base my feelings off of, having never been in a relationship before, I’m certain that I love you. Even thinking about you makes my heart pound.”

“Yeah?” the Asian boy asked. He placed a finger on the bottom of Emil’s chin before guiding his boyfriend’s lips toward his own and kissing them softly. “You have no idea how good it is to hear that.” Leon sighed. “Lately, I’ve been worried that you were going to break up with me. You’ve been kind of disinterested and pretty distant. Maybe you weren’t trying to be that way, but it still worried me. Knowing that you love me too relieves me.” He chuckled to himself. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had broken up with me. I don’t even want to imagine something like that.”

Emil cupped his boyfriend’s face in his hands and smiled warmly at him. “Good thing you won’t have to then, right?” he asked before placing a sincere kiss onto the Asian boy’s forehead. “Leon, I feel like I’ve said this to you before, but I don’t mind repeating myself. I don’t want anyone else. You’re the only person I can see a future with. In fact, you’re the only person I want a future with. When I tell you that I love you, I mean it with my whole heart, not as some cheap response to your declarations. I love you, Leon. I love you.”

For a couple moments, both boys stared into each other’s eyes, each overwhelmed by how they felt about each other. The next second, their lips melded together before they slowly made their way toward Leon’s bed. To the two of them, the best part of it being Valentine’s Day was that Yao and Ivan were out on a date, so no one heard the sounds of pleasure that came from that bedroom.

.

One Week Later

Emil was dreading school on Monday. He had grown increasingly tired in the past week, and his sleeping patterns had started to change drastically. Where he had been sleeping for longer than what was medically deemed necessary and still feeling tired, he would now spend his nights staring up at the ceiling, wishing that he could sleep. His lack of sleep was really starting to get to him as well.

On Friday, he had accidentally snapped at Leon when his boyfriend had mentioned his concerns about his sleeping habits. Unfortunately, the Asian boy had left before Emil could even think to apologize. What was happening to him? He didn’t feel like himself anymore. It were almost as if he were a hollow, generic version of who he used to be, and he hated it. He didn’t know what he could do about it.

The Icelandic boy pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked it. Still no texts from Leon. They hadn’t spoken since he had snapped on him, and it made him uncomfortable. Usually, they cleared up misunderstandings within an hour of it happening. It had been over a day. Seeing a blank lock screen on his phone brought him a feeling of loneliness as he wished he could bring himself to text his boyfriend and apologize.

There was a knock at the apartment door, which caused Emil to jump. Mathias and Lukas were at work, and they never had guests or anything. Thinking it was Peter or Erland, he quickly went to answer the door to see what they wanted. To his surprise, he was quite wrong. In his doorway stood Leon, looking cold and flustered.

“Leon?” he asked, cocking his head to the side in confusion. Emil suddenly snapped back to his usual self. “You look cold. Did you walk here? Please come inside.”

The Asian boy stepped into the apartment, mouth fixed in a tight line. But once the door was shut, he seemed to have fallen apart. “I didn’t want to resolve this over text because this is something we need to talk about face-to-face. I’m scared, Emil. You really haven’t been yourself this past week, and I can’t help but think it’s because of me.”

“Because of you?” his boyfriend asked, confused. “Why would it be because of you? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You say that, but I can’t help but think that I did,” Leon quickly stated. He took a deep breath. “Sometimes after couples have sex for the first time, the relationship immediately falls apart. It’s almost as if there was nothing there to begin with. I don’t want to think that when we had sex on Valentine’s Day that it was the end of it all.” His eyes were filled to the brim with tears as he looked at his boyfriend. “Emil, I don’t know what’s going on with you at the moment, but I don’t want you to leave me. I’m so scared that you’re done with me. If it’s something I did that made you become more irritable lately, please tell me. I can’t keep lying awake every night and wondering if it’s me. Please just tell me.”

“Leon…” the Icelandic boy breathed. Had he really changed that much in the past week? He quickly pulled his trembling boyfriend into a hug. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just haven’t been sleeping well lately. That’s all, I swear. My mind has been keeping me up all night, and then I’ve been going to school on little to no sleep. It could never be a problem with you.”

“You’d tell me if it was, right?” Leon squeezed Emil tightly in his arms, almost as if he were afraid the other boy would disappear if he let go. “If it had to do with me, you would tell me?”

“I would,” Emil replied. He closed his eyes and held his boyfriend until he stopped trembling. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you all of this beforehand. We could have avoided a lot of stress, huh? I’m sorry, Leon. I didn’t mean to scare and upset you.” He sighed. “All my life, I’ve mostly dealt with my troubles by myself because my mom was always working. I’m still getting used to people being here for me, but I promise I’ll work on opening up more and being more clear about how I feel.”

The Asian boy squeezed his boyfriend once more. “That’s all I ask,” he softly said. “Just talk to me when something bothers you. Keeping it all to yourself is just going to hurt you in the end, and I want to keep you from hurting, Emil.”

Could talking to Leon about how he felt really help as much as he claimed it would? Would Leon even understand why he felt the way he did, especially since it was for no reason at all? What if there was another misunderstanding like the one they had just resolved? Would they be able to resolve it as easily as they had with this one?

Each of those questions weighed heavily on Emil’s mind as he clung to his boyfriend. How could he make all of his uncertainty go away?


	17. Chapter 17

Mid-March, 2015, Iowa City, Iowa

Emil felt as if he had been possessed. In the past month, he had grown so angry and tired and depressed that he could hardly manage himself anymore. He just wanted to scream and cry all the time, but he knew that wasn’t acceptable. Instead, his cries for help came in the forms of lack of appetite, lack of sleep, and promiscuous behavior with Leon. He hated himself for it. Even in the middle of his “time” with Leon, he would feel so disgusted with himself.

What had happened to him? Surely he was depressed when he had arrived in America just months before, but it wasn’t this bad. He could still function normally, unlike how he was now. It made him grieve who he used to be when he was alone in bed at night. No tears were ever shed, but an empty feeling of longing consumed him as he stared up at the ceiling of his darkened room. He would keep staring at the ceiling until exhaustion dragged him into a fitful slumber or the first rays of sunlight poked through his curtains.

With each day that passed, Emil’s resentment toward himself grew. He hated that he never smiled anymore. He hated that his laugh was always forced. His heart ached every time he thought about how Leon must feel about all of it. How could Leon stay with someone like him? It wasn’t like there weren’t better people at their school who could easily replace him in the hearts of not only Leon, but all of his friends. Why would they want to be friends with a disaster like him? What could they possibly see in him? What made him “worth it” to them? Would he ever understand?

His home life wasn’t going so well either. No matter how many times he insisted that he was “fine”, he knew that Lukas and Mathias no longer bought it. They had even tried to convince him to see a therapist, but their efforts were in vain. Instead, they had reached an agreement that if Emil ever felt like doing something excessively harmful to himself, they would just take him to the emergency room instead. Much to his dismay, the Icelandic boy forced himself to agree. Then again, why would he tell them anything like that anyway?

While many depressing things were going on, there were joyful moments sprinkled in as well. Emil’s personal favorite that he wasn’t to keep forever in his memory was when Mei and Max found out that they were having a son. He had been so happy for his friends that he had forgotten about his crippling sadness for an entire day. As impressive of a feat as it was, the next day he was depressed that he couldn’t have made happiness like that on his own. He felt pathetic for relying on others for happiness. It made him feel useless.

“Hey, can I talk to you about something?” Lilli asked him one night when she was sleeping over. Though she meant it as a harmless question, she could tell the weight of it on her friend as he paled. She discreetly took a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve been worried about you lately. Actually, we all have been. Are you okay?”

Emil sighed. “I don’t understand why you guys keep bringing this up. I’m fine,” he lied. “If I wasn’t okay, I would tell you.” Though he had felt guilty about lying to her in the beginning, he now thought of it as better to lie instead of telling her what was really going on inside of him. “I’ve felt distracted lately, if that’s what you’re getting at. Homework has been piling up, and it feels as if I’ll never reach the bottom of it. But other than that, I’m good.”

“Promise?” she slowly asked, holding out her pinky to him.

He hooked his pinky to hers. “I promise,” he replied, the lie tasting like acid in his mouth. If only he could tell her the truth, but he didn’t know if she would understand. No matter how badly he longed to just scream and cry to her about all of the negative emotions destroying his headspace, he knew that he never could. She wouldn’t understand. No one would understand. But what a burden to carry alone.

“I guess stress makes you feel unlike yourself, huh?” she mused, sitting on his bed. “That’s understandable, I suppose. What bothers me is that sometimes I’ll see what looks like a flicker of agony in your eyes, but then it’s gone the next moment. It makes me wonder if I just imagined it. After all, you promised to tell me if anything was wrong.”

“That’s right,” Emil stated, feeling a lump of shame growing in his throat. “I would tell you if something was wrong. There’s nothing you need to worry about. You would be the first to know if anything were to bother me. After all, I promised you that I’d tell you.” His heart felt as if it were in the iron grip of some unknown being as he continued spouting lies to his best friend. The grip grew tighter and tighter the more he spoke. Deep down, he wondered if there was a way to make himself believe his lies so that the pain would go away.

.

“Hey, Emil, can we talk for a moment?” Mathias asked, catching his brother-in-law on his way out the door one afternoon. “It’ll only be a second.” He internally breathed a sigh of relief as the boy turned to face him. “Look, Luke and I have been talking lately, and we believe that it would be best if you started seeing a counselor.”

A burning hot fire of dread sparked in Emil’s stomach at the announcement. “I’m not going,” he simply stated, turning back to the door. “I know myself better than the two of you do. I know you’re trying to help, but that really won’t do anything for me. I’m just tired.”

Deep down, he wanted to see a counselor more than anything. He felt the desire to pour his heart out to a complete stranger in an office where not a word of what he said would ever leave the four walls. He wanted to talk about how he had begun to feel that the world didn’t need him as a part of it. His heart ached for someone to just listen to him and not judge him or tell him their opinions of how he should go about living. But he couldn’t let himself do that. Therapy was expensive, and he didn’t want Lukas and Mathias spending any more money on him than they already had. Besides, only the weird kids went to therapy. If anyone from school discovered that he was seeing a counselor, what would they think?

Mathias sighed. “Emil, it wasn’t a suggestion. Your appointment is next week. We’re going.”

“Yeah, good luck with that, Mat,” he sighed, walking out of the apartment and shutting the door a little harder than he wanted to. For a moment, he just stood out in the hallways, fighting back the urge to cry. Why did he have to make them worry? Why was he such a burden on his family? It didn’t matter if they wanted what was best for him. Why couldn’t he just stop being a financial parasite?

Quickly wiping away the tears that threatened to escape his eyes, he made his way to the elevator. What could he do to make sure he would stop being a burden? Could he get a job? Would Lukas and Mathias allow him to get a job? Then again, could he even get one if his immigration papers hadn’t fully gone through yet? It was already difficult enough for them to enroll him into the high school. And there it was again, the guilt of forcing his brothers to go to great lengths for him. The knot in his stomach tightened.

The more he thought about it on his ride to the lobby, the more the idea of seeing a counselor appealed to him. He wished that there was a way to make it happen without spending his brothers’ money or feeling the stigma of being one of them. His heart grew heavier and heavier as he began to think of what his friends would think of him seeing a counselor.

Of course Leon would be fine with it, because they had already talked about mental health before, back when Emil had first arrived. Lilli and Natalia would probably support the decision, especially since Lilli tended to worry about him a little too much lately. Mei and Max had too much on their hands with the baby to really put in much input, though Emil didn’t really know if that was a good or bad thing. And since Raivis and Neoklis didn’t really say much, he knew that they wouldn’t mind. Laura would probably give him a big, supportive hug. But it was Yong-Soo that he was the most worried about. That boy had an odd sense of humor, and Emil just knew that if he were to find out about him going to a counselor, he would jokingly call him “crazy”. Even if it were only a joke in the Korean boy’s eyes, it would still hurt.

Emil wrapped his arms around himself for a brief moment. He hugged himself, squeezing maybe a little too tightly, but it was all he could think of to do to keep himself from falling apart. Tears threatened to escape his eyes as he tightened his grip. He wouldn’t let them. His own internal struggle wasn’t even worth his tears. Boys didn’t cry like this. Boys had to be tough for everyone else around them. They didn’t need to cry. If he actually cried in public like this, it would just prove that he’s too weak to even be considered a boy.

The elevator dinged as he reached the lobby. Before the doors opened, Emil quickly rested his hands back at his sides, missing the warmth of an embrace already. It was a good thing he was headed to Leon’s house. He knew that Leon would hold him for as long as he desired. Though he didn’t want to fall apart in front of his boyfriend, he knew that Leon would be the only person to ever understand if he did.

He stepped out of his apartment building and began walking up Linn Street toward Burlington Street. Yet as he reached the corner intersection of the two, the red hand on the crosswalk light seemed to beckon him instead of hold him back. Resisting the temptation of stepping out into heavy traffic, he impatiently waited for the person to pop up on the light and signal that it was safe to cross. And as he crossed, he wished that some high-speed chase would come barreling through the intersection and mow him down in a quick and simple death. At least if he died, that wouldn’t technically be his fault. No one would know that it was what he had wanted.

Once he finally arrived at Leon’s house, his boyfriend quickly swept him into a greeting hug. Feeling the warmth and love emanating from the Asian boy, Emil’s facade crumbled in a matter of seconds. He grasped Leon tightly in his arms, burying his face into the other boy’s shoulder to keep him from seeing his tears.

“Let’s go to my room and talk about this,” Leon simply said, rubbing his boyfriend’s back comfortingly as his shoulder grew more and more damp. Knowing that Emil needed the embrace at the moment, he made to awkwardly shuffle down the hallways toward his bedroom, never once letting go of him.

Leon shut the door to his room after gently resting Emil on the edge of his bed. He then moved back over to the bed and sat on his boyfriend’s lap as the Icelandic boy finally stopped crying. With careful movements, he wiped Emil’s tears away and placed gentle kisses on his eyelids. Wishing that he could take away whatever pain led to him behaving this way, he spoke softly and gently. “What happened, Em? Are you okay?”

Just hearing those sweet words coming from the human he loved the most nearly made him fall apart once again. “Mathias and Lukas worry too much,” he began, furiously wiping his eyes to stop the tears that once again threatened to spill. “They made me an appointment with a counselor without even asking me first. I don’t want to go, Leon. I don’t need to see one. I’m fine.”

“But are you fine?” the Asian boy quietly asked. He cupped Emil’s face in his hands and turned it toward him so they could make eye contact. “At this moment, you don’t look fine to me.” His lips pressed to his boyfriend’s forehead as he pulled him into a hug. “It’s okay to not be fine, Emil. It’s okay to hurt and to fall apart like this. It’s okay.” He softly repeated that last sentence a few more times as he could feel Emil shaking with sobs in his arms. “You should go to the counselor, Em. Maybe you would feel better talking to a stranger about everything going on in your head.” Leon sighed. “I know the idea of it sounds scary, but it might make you feel better. And if you’re worried about anyone finding out and saying shit, I’ll deal with them. All I want is for you to smile again. Like, truly smile again. Though you may be fooling others, you’re not fooling me, Emil. I know you’re hurting right now, and I hate that I can’t do anything to help.”

Emil squeezed Leon tightly. “Don’t say that,” he whimpered. “You’re what’s keeping me sane, Leon. You may think that you’re not doing anything, but the truth of it is that you’re helping me so much just by merely existing. If you weren’t in my life, then I doubt I would still be…” He let his voice trail off, not even daring to finish such a terrible confession. Did he really feel that way? Was that what his mental state had come to? If Leon didn’t exist, would he have killed himself? Truly?

Worried by his boyfriend’s words, Leon felt a pull in his heart, but he chose to say nothing. Instead, he just held Emil until he had calmed down and then snuggled up to him as they watched movies in his room. If he could help his love in any way possible, then he would gladly do so.

.

Instead of going straight home to his apartment, Emil decided to go to a different apartment. He stopped a couple floors before his own and knocked at a door. There was a quick shuffling of feet on the other side before the door opened, revealing Tino Oxenstierna. The small, plump man seemed surprised to see the teenager at his door.

“Emil?” he asked. “Is everything okay? You usually don’t stop by unannounced.” Tino stepped back to make room for Emil to enter. “Here, come inside.”

The Icelandic boy took the invitation and entered the apartment, slipping off his shoes. “It’s quiet in here,” he thought aloud.

“Ber took the boys to the store to get things for their science projects,” Tino explained before leading the way into the kitchen and gesturing for Emil to sit at the table. He took the seat opposite of Emil’s. “Sorry that it’s just me here.” He let out a small chuckle before growing more serious. “What’s going on, Emil?”

Emil sat in the chair and then buried his face in his hands. “I don’t understand what’s going on with me, Tino. It’s so hard to talk to Lukas and Mathias about it, because they already do so much for me.” He looked up at the man across the table from him. “Why can’t they understand how guilty that makes me feel?”

The Finnish man nodded sagely. “I understand,” he replied. “That’s the thing about being a family, though. Do you think that your mother ever expected you to pay her back for taking care of you?” After a moment, he saw Emil shake his head no. “Well, it’s the same with your brothers. When they brought you here, they accepted all financial responsibility for you. They don’t want you to pay them back unless if they explicitly ask for you to. All they want is to give you the best life that they can. That also means that they want you to tell them if there’s anything wrong so they can try to fix it.” Tino sighed. “You are so loved, Emil, and by so many people. Everyone who knows you wants to see you succeed, and they’ll do anything they can to help you along the way.”

Tino then chuckled to himself. “You know, I’ve been preparing myself for this type of conversation ever since Peter was a baby. I didn’t imagine that I would be having it with a child who wasn’t mine first.” He then smiled at Emil. “But I don’t mind it at all.” He paused. “I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but Erland is Berwald’s son from a previous marriage. He married me about a year after his wife passed in childbirth. We fostered Peter not long after. When Peter was five, we were able to adopt him, so we did. Peter had never known any family other than us, and though I know he knows he’s adopted, I don’t believe he thinks about it too much. But I also have reason to believe that he thinks Erland is adopted as well.” He then laughed. “Look at me, going off on a tangent. What I meant by all of that is that Berwald and I chose to bring Peter into our home. We want only what’s best for him. We would never expect him to repay our kindness. Lukas and Mathias feel the same about you.”

.

When Emil got home that night, he discovered Lukas and Mathias in the middle of an intense discussion in the kitchen. Lukas looked up at him from his perch on a countertop as he entered. His gaze was level and serious. Mathias did the same from his stool at the island counter.

“Have a seat, Emil,” Lukas calmly said, nodding to a stool at the island. “I want to talk to you about something.”

The younger brother slowly moved to the stool and sat down. There was a sinking feeling in his chest that he couldn’t bring himself to ignore. It felt as if his guilt from sassing Mathias earlier were eating him alive from the inside out. He felt as if he would vomit at any second. “What’s up?” he managed to grind out. His voice sounded foreign to his ears.

“I heard Mathias told you about your counseling appointment earlier,” he began. He paused for a moment. “And I heard what you said back to him. Look, Emil, I don’t know what you’re upset about in regards to seeing a counselor. We only set it up because we’ve noticed how you’ve been acting lately. We’re worried because you won’t talk to us about what’s bothering you. All we want to do is help, but it’s hard to do that when you’re rejecting us. Talk to me, Emil. What’s really going on? What is the real issue with everything?”

His tears escaped his eyes before the words could escape his lips. Though he had cried all afternoon and considered his eyes had dried up, there he was crying again. He couldn’t even form the proper words. All he could do was just sit there and sob like a scolded child. Yet something about crying in front of his brothers felt like more of a relief than crying in front of Leon.

There was a scraping of the legs of the barstool on the linoleum floor and frantic footsteps before Emil was embraced tightly by both of his brothers. And with the security of two loving embraces, he continued sobbing all while telling them everything that he had felt lately.

.

Later that night, as Emil was preparing for bed, Lukas knocked on his open door before slowly entering. “I wanted to thank you for being honest earlier, Em,” he began. “There was no way that any of that was easy to do. I’m proud of you for finally telling the truth.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry that you’ve felt that way for so long. It makes me wish that there was something I could do. Then again, after what you’ve said about feeling like a burden to us, I bet it would’ve made you feel worse.” He sat on his brother’s bed. “I just wanted to make one thing clear. We chose to bring you here with us, Emil. We wanted you to come with us. Your schooling, feeding you, taking care of you, those are all things that we knew we were getting ourselves into. They were all things that we wanted to do for you. You’ll never be a burden.”

Emil gulped down the lump forming in his throat at his brother’s words. “Is it alright if I make a request?” he asked.

“Name it.”

“You have the day off from work tomorrow, right?” he slowly asked. “Can I just stay home with you tomorrow? I just really don’t want to go to school until I’ve calmed down enough to function properly.”

Lukas smiled at his younger brother. “Mental health day it is,” he decided. “Tomorrow, let’s just hang out, order takeout, and watch movies all day.”

Feeling as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders, Emil smiled back. “I’d like that,” he stated. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” his older brother replied. “I just want to make sure that you’re okay. You’ve been silently suffering for months. This is the least I could do.” He thought for a moment. “Fuck it, let’s go get some froyo in the ped mall.”

Feeling his smile widen, Emil quickly grabbed his jacket and followed his brother out the door.

.

The next day was just as Lukas had promised. Emil woke up with no rush, and when he came out to the kitchen, Lukas sat there with a mug of coffee as he read a book. Everything seemed so peaceful and perfect, that Emil poured himself a bowl of cereal and relished the quiet atmosphere. For the first time in months, he felt peace within himself. He no longer had to fake happiness for his brothers, and he didn’t have to worry about going to school that day. Today, he could just take things slow and steady.

Once they finished with breakfast, Lukas drove them to a movie rental store and ordered takeout on his phone. They picked out only the cheesiest-looking B-movies, ready to critique everything about them as they watched and laughed. The food was hot and filled the car with a delicious aroma when they picked it up. It was nearly intoxicating.

Back home, Lukas and Emil changed back into their pajamas, dedicated to the fact that neither of them were venturing back out of the apartment for the rest of the day. If they needed anything, they would just send Mathias when he was off work. It was the first time that the two of them would have an entire day to hang out together, and neither of them was going to let it go to waste.

That night, as Emil prepared for bed, he knew he was ready to go to school the next morning. He felt okay, and knew that his normal life would pick up in the morning. But just for that day, he truly felt satisfied with everything around him.


	18. Chapter 18

The following Wednesday after school, Emil sat in the waiting room of a small therapy office. His eyes scanned the room, examining the paintings and the gossip tabloids on the side tables as the radio on the windowsill quietly played what seemed to be the hottest songs from the 1980’s. He clasped his hands together firmly in his lap, trying not to make eye contact with anyone else in the waiting room.

Lukas smirked, looking up from his phone. “Check out this meme Mat sent me,” he said, passing it over to his brother. “He’s such a schmuck.”

Emil’s violet eyes glanced down at his brother’s phone screen as he exhaled air through his nose in what would be a laugh if it wasn’t for Mathias’s lame sense of humor. “That’s so stupid,” he groaned, handing the cell phone back as he shook his head, smiling to himself. “Does he really think he’s funny?”

“You know, I honestly can’t tell anymore,” the older brother admitted. “Like, there are times when he’s actually hilarious, and then I just think he trolls me by sending me shit like this. I just have no idea what goes through his head to make him think it’s okay to send me such lame crap. He’s the literal worst.”

“You married that,” Emil reminded, smirking.

Lukas smiled fondly at his cell phone, a light blush dusting his cheeks. “Yeah,” he softly said, heart soaring in his chest. “I did, didn’t I?”

An elderly woman stood at the entrance to the waiting room, a kind smile on her face. “Emil Steilsson?” she inquired, looking around. She smiled as the brothers stood up. “Right this way,” she gestured, showing them down the hallway behind her. “My office is the second door on the left. Can I get you anything to drink, water or coffee?”

“Coffee sounds fantastic, thanks,” Lukas answered, smiling.

“I’ll have a water, please,” Emil softly said.

The woman smiled. “I’ll be right back with them. You two should make yourselves comfortable in my office. I’ll only be a moment.” She then hurried off down the hallway.

Emil entered her office and looked around. There were two large, plush chairs and a matching loveseat with a small coffee table in the middle. Everything looked so soft and comfortable. The entire room was filled with a calming and relaxing aura that almost made him sleepy. Along one wall was a bookshelf filled with many different types of psychology books, and there was a corner filled with toys for children of all ages. She even had a bunch of random art supplies. Something about the office had a home-like feeling to it.

“Alright, I’m back,” she announced, entering the office with two coffee mugs and a water bottle. She carefully set the mugs on the coffee table and handed the water bottle to the teenager. “I take it you’re Emil?” she asked, a kind smile playing on her lips.

“Yeah, that’s me,” he confirmed with a nod. Emil gestured to Lukas with his thumb as his brother began to sip from his coffee mug. “This is my older brother Lukas. He’s my legal guardian during my time in America. It was either him or his husband Mathias who made my appointment, or maybe both of them.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Emil and Lukas. My name is Paula. I’ve been a licensed counselor for over forty years now, though I’ve only been in this practice for about five years.” She smiled at the brothers. Her arm reached beside her chair and pulled out a folder. She opened it and skimmed over the small packet of papers in it. “It says here, Emil, that you seem depressed and irritable lately. What seems to be the problem?”

The younger brother felt his voice catch in his throat as he tried to speak. His guilt of speaking about feeling like a burden to his brother right in front of Lukas silenced him. No matter how badly he wanted to tell her what he was feeling, he just couldn’t bring himself to. He felt trapped.

Paula then turned her attention to the older of the brothers. “Lukas, would you mind sitting in the waiting room for a bit while I speak with your brother privately? Some things are best left to be discussed one-on-one.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Lukas assured, standing up. He grabbed the mug. “I can take this with me, right?”

“Of course,” she replied with a kind smile. “I’ll come get you once we’re ready for you.” Her sharp eyes watched Lukas exit the room and close the door before she turned back to Emil. “It’s just the two of us now. I hope you can speak more comfortably now.”

Emil, finally finding his voice, spoke up. “Are you going to tell him everything that I tell you?” he asked, voice quiet and cautious.

“I would only tell him something if I thought it were dangerous for you or anyone around you,” she replied. “Say you said you were going to kill yourself or wanted to hurt him or his husband. That’s something that I would tell him. If you were to tell me that you’re sad because you felt as if you feel you’re a burden, then that would stay between us.”

He felt his heart lighten slightly upon hearing her words. “So unless if I’m a danger to myself or others, you won’t tell him what I tell you?” he asked.

“That’s the deal,” she confirmed with a nod. “So go ahead, Emil. You can tell me what’s bothering you. As long as you’re not being a danger to yourself or anyone around you, it will stay between us.”

.

“So would you say that your first session went well?” Lukas asked as they pulled out of the parking lot to head home. He turned onto a busy road and sighed upon being stopped at a red light.

Emil thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, I think so,” he admitted. “It felt good to just get it all out, you know. Even though she’s a stranger, it felt good to tell her everything I’ve been feeling and to just say it out loud. I feel lighter now, if that makes sense?”

The older brother smiled to himself as he waited on the light. “It does,” he replied, feeling as if a weight in his chest had been lifted. He would have breathed a sigh of relief had Emil not been in the passenger’s seat. “I’m glad that you feel lighter. When do you feel you would like your next appointment? I can schedule them for whenever.”

“Maybe two weeks?” the younger suggested. “That’s what Paula and I were discussing before my session ended. She thinks that seeing me bi-weekly would be a good idea.” He was quiet for a moment as he thought about what he was saying. “And I think I agree with her. After talking with her for an hour today, I can feel myself starting to feel better. Maybe this whole counseling thing really will be good for me.”

“You really think so?” Lukas asked as the light turned green. He began to drive once more, making sure to focus on both Emil and the road. “I’m relieved to hear that. If I’m honest, Mathias and I were worried that you might reject the idea and just remain silent for your entire session. Now I suppose I feel like an idiot for thinking such a thing, huh?”

Emil scoffed and chuckled. “I mean, you’re not too far from the truth,” he admitted. “In the beginning, that’s what I thought of doing.” He pictured Paula’s warm smile in his mind as he continued. “But there was just something about Paula that made me feel it was okay to tell her things that I probably wouldn’t tell anyone else. I know it sounds stupid, but she gave off that loving grandmother aura. Though I’ve never really had a grandmother before, so I don’t really know what it’s like. Maybe it’s something like this?”

“You think so?” The older brother smiled. “I didn’t really know my grandmother, but I met Mathias’s before. She was sweet and kind and just loved taking care of others. That’s how I felt Paula is.” He chuckled to himself before casting his younger brother a quick glance. “How strange are we, Emil, to have no idea what it’s like to have a grandmother? Then again, I also feel as if we didn’t exactly miss out on much.”

“Neither do I,” Emil agreed with a nod. “Perhaps those who experienced life with grandmothers are the strange ones.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Lukas laughed. “I mean, have you met my husband?”

.

Lilli greeted Emil at the front door of the apartment, nearly tackling him to the floor in a hug. “Hey Emmy!” she cheered, giggling. “How’d it go? Are you feeling any better? Mat and I just got done making dinner! We made plokkfiskur! I know that you like eating fish, so I looked up some Icelandic fish recipes and decided to get Mat’s help to make one for when you get home!”

“Really?” he asked, touched. “You did that for me?” Emil didn’t really know what to say. The emotions that he felt were strong enough to bring tears to his eyes, but he didn’t want to cry in front of his best friend over something so silly. “Thank you,” the boy finally managed to choke out. “Thank you so much, Lil. You just know me so well, don’t you?”

“Better than you would think,” she giggled, adding in a mischievous wink. Lilli reached out and grabbed her best friend’s hand. “Come on, let’s go eat before it gets cold!” She pulled him along toward the dinner table before gesturing to it with broad jazz hands. “Have a seat!”

Unused to being pampered, Emil didn’t exactly know what to do other than sit at the table. His violet eyes observed every dish that was laid out. He could almost tangibly feel the amount of love put into the entire setting. Just the thought of how far his best friend had gone for him made him feel sick to his stomach. What had he ever done for her? Had he ever done something anywhere near as wonderful for Lilli?

His mind then suddenly spiraled into a whirlwind of regrets. When was the last time he did something sweet like this for Lilli? Had he ever done anything like this for Lukas and Mathias? When was the last time he truly expressed his gratitude and platonic affection for anyone? Why was he so ungrateful? Why couldn’t he be normal? Why was it so hard for him to express his true feelings, especially the positive ones?

“Em, are you okay?” Lilli asked, pressing a gentle hand to his forehead. “You don’t look so good. Was my surprise too much?” A nervous giggle escaped her lips as her brow wrinkled with worry. “I’m sorry, Emmy. I didn’t mean for something like this to happen.”

The Icelandic boy reached up and grabbed her hand from his forehead, taking a moment to give it a gentle squeeze. “I’m fine,” he told her, pressing her hand to his heart. “I just…” His voice trailed off. “No one has ever done something like this for me. I just didn’t really know how to react, you know?” For a moment, he sat in silence before saying, “Thank you, Lilli. Thank you so much. It really means a lot to me.”

“You’re welcome, Emmy,” she replied, taking her seat next to him. “You’ve always been such a good friend to me that this is the least I could do to be one to you.”

For a moment, Emil sat in astonishment. Was she just saying that in front of his brothers to make him seem like an ideal friend? There was no way he could have ever done anything super special like this for her. Either way, he grinned and beared it for the time that they were all together at the table. After all, how shitty would he have to be to ruin such a heartwarming mood with the actual truth?

.

That night as they were headed to bed, Emil turned to look at Lilli. “Thanks again for dinner tonight,” he said. “I really wasn’t expecting it, and it tasted almost like my mom’s back home in Reykjavik. I don’t feel that there will ever be anything I can do to properly repay you for something like that.”

“Repay me?” she asked, pulling back the comforter on his bed. “I would never want you to repay me, silly. When it comes to friends, we just do those kinds of things because we love each other, not to be repaid. I guess you could say I made dinner tonight as my way of expressing how grateful I am to have you for a best friend. You’re always there for me when I need you. We practically do everything together. I’m always welcome in your home, and your brothers treat me like a sister to them. How could anything I could ever do repay the warmth I feel with your family? That’s why I did something special for you to express how I feel.” Lilli sat on his bed and pulled the comforter over her. “What’s this about, Emil?”

“It’s not about anything, really,” he admitted, crawling into the other side of his bed. “I just feel as if you’re too good of a friend to me. It just makes me feel as if I don’t deserve your kindness.”

“Emmy,” she sighed, sitting up. Lilli reached over and cupped his face in her hands, looking him in the eye. “Don’t ever think you don’t deserve the kindness that comes to you. If only you could see how amazing you are, then you would understand. It’s said that you are your own worst enemy, and that makes me want to clobber you myself. You’re so mean to yourself for no reason.” She pressed her lips to his forehead and smiled. “Emil Steilsson, you are so loved by so many people, and it’s because you’re you. That’s why we always want to do kind things for you, because you’re our friend and you’re real. Friends don’t ask for any type of repayment. We do those things because we want to.”

“Something about it still feels wrong,” he admitted. The corners of his mouth pulled into a frown. “I’m not sure if I’ve ever told you this, Lil, but before I came to America, I never really had friends. It was always just me and my mom. Sure, I went to school and spoke to people there, but I never really hung out with anyone like I do here. The whole concept of friends is so strange to me, but I can’t say that I hate it. It’s more like I hate myself for not knowing how to be a friend.”

“Do you know what we will do in that case?” she softly asked, locking eyes with him. Lilli pulled him into a hug, cradling his head on her shoulder. “The rest of us will just have to love you so much that you’ll learn to love yourself in the process. Maybe by that point, you’ll understand. I’ll do whatever it takes for you to love yourself, Emmy. After all, whether you know this or not, you’ve saved my heart more times than I can count. The least I can do is help you save yours.” Her soft expression melted into a frown. “I’d give anything in this world for you to be truly happy.”

Emil squeezed her tightly for a moment. Was he really worth anything in the world? After all, he was only one person. Surely, he wasn’t that important. He had only met her back in August. There was no way he could mean that much to someone he hadn’t even known for a full year. Yet he knew he would never say something like that to her. That would be no way to repay her kindness.

“Let’s go to bed,” she said, rubbing his back. “We have school in the morning anyway.” Though there were so many things she wished she could talk to him about, she knew that some things were better left unsaid. It made her heart ache, but she knew it was what was best for both of them at that moment.

Emil turned out the bedside light and pulled the comforter over himself. For nearly an hour, he just laid there, listening to Lilli’s rhythmic breathing as she fell asleep. As her breaths became deeper and longer, he felt more relaxed. She was asleep and happily dreaming, which was what she deserved. As for him, lying awake while being swallowed up by the darkness in and around him, he was also experiencing what he deserved.

At one point in the night, he rolled over to face Lilli. Her face looked so peaceful as she dreamed. It looked as if she didn’t have a care in the world, yet maybe that was just the default expression for when people slept. Either way, he was cautious not to wake her as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and caressed her soft cheek for a moment.

“I don’t deserve a friend like you,” he whispered to her as she slept, voice barely audible. “I wish you would just realize that already so it will be less painful later.” He was quiet for a moment. “You all changed my life in such drastic ways, yet I feel as if I’ve done nothing to return your kindness. Instead, I feel as if I’m in the way of the friendship you all once shared. If I were to disappear one day, would you guys even miss me?” His expression saddened. “I’m glad that you can’t answer me at the moment. After all, I’m scared to know what you would say.”

Emil then rolled back over so his back was to her. He hated nights like these, the nights where he was left alone with nothing but his thoughts while everyone else slept soundly. They were becoming too frequent. Yet on nights when he did sleep, he felt as if he blinked and it was morning. He hated that he couldn’t dream anymore, like he used to. Was this just another side effect of being depressed? If it was, why hadn’t it all been this bad back in Iceland? Why was this all happening now?

With nothing left to ponder, he laid awake for the rest of the night, hoping that morning would come soon.

.

“Did you sleep last night?” Leon asked his boyfriend during their free period together. The two were sitting at a table in the corner of the school library, and in the natural lighting, he couldn’t help but notice the dark circles under Emil’s eyes. “Babe, you look so tired.”

“I’m fine,” the Icelandic boy flatly replied. He was struggling to finish his homework for the next class period, yet his eyes were becoming more and more unfocused by the moment. “I just…” Emil’s voice trailed off as he vigorously blinked to refocus his eyes. Exasperated, he gestured to his homework to emphasize his stress. “This is due next period.”

The Asian boy rolled his eyes and began texting on his cell phone. “You’re really not looking so great today. I think you should take a nap instead and I’ll wake you up when it’s time for your next class.”

Stressed to the point he was nearly in tears, Emil emphatically gestured to the homework once more. “Did you not hear me?” he asked, now blinking to hold back his tears. “I have to get this done. Stop distracting me.”

“Emil, listen to me, you’re driving yourself up a wall,” Leon stated, struggling to keep his voice down. “You’re going to burn yourself out at this rate. Please just relax for a moment.”

Before Emil could protest once again, Raivis and Neoklis appeared behind him. As Raivis grabbed a ten-dollar bill from Leon, Neoklis snatched up Emil’s entire backpack, including his homework. With a quick pat to Emil’s head from each of them, the two vanished as quickly as they had come.

“Babe, we’re all worried about you,” Leon softly said. “You can tell us you’re fine all you want, but none of us buy it anymore.” He scooted his chair over to Emil and began to gently play with his boyfriend’s hair. “Please just take some time to rest. Being stressed like this all the time can’t be fun for you either.”

Reluctantly, Emil leaned over and rested his head on Leon’s shoulder. Something about the bony shoulder of his boyfriend made it seem softer than his own bed at home. He placed his closest hand on his boyfriend’s thigh as they snuggled as best as they could in the uncomfortable library chairs.

“I know I’ve been a brat lately,” Emil quietly said as he began to drift off. “And it hasn’t been fair to any of you. I really should man up and try to solve my own issues instead of always either dragging all of you into them or taking them out on you. I don’t understand why I’m like this, yet I keep clinging to you like this even when I know you deserve better.”

“Who said I deserve better?” Leon quietly asked.

His boyfriend ignored his question and continued. “You could all be so happy if I wasn’t like this.” He yawned and closed his eyes, feeling himself giving in to his tiredness. “I just wish I could be better for you. I’m always trying so hard to be someone you can proudly tell people you’re dating. I love you so much.”

Once he was sure that Emil was asleep, Leon sighed, heart heavy. “Don’t you get it, you idiot?” he sighed to himself. “We are all happy because you’re with us. I don’t want you any other way because I love who you are.” He gently placed his hand over Emil’s that was rested on his thigh. “Why can’t you see any of that? Why can’t you see that I am already hopelessly in love with you?” Leon kissed the top of Emil’s snowy-white head. “I love you too, idiot.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains suicide at the end. While it is not a graphic depiction of it, his thoughts and feelings are clearly stated. If that is triggering for you, please do not read all the way to the end.
> 
> Also, there will be sequels about the others and how they cope with all of this. Please be looking out for them!

There was no way he wasn’t going insane. Emil had to do something, anything to get out of this hellhole known as his mind. His issues had started becoming worse. More days than not, he would feel like tearing off his skin just to be able to breathe. His body was constantly heavy. No matter what he did, there was always an impending feeling of doom in his chest, sinking his stomach like lead. Was there anything to stop the madness?

Lukas, upon hearing how his brother felt, got Emil into an emergency psychiatry appointment. The doctor prescribed Emil some sleeping medication along with some anti-depressants and an anti-anxiety medication, yet to Emil, something didn’t feel right. In his mind, it felt as if all of the meds, while trying to work for his body, were only working against him. All of the good those medications did for him was immediately overshadowed by the bad. The constant stress on his psyche made him feel physically ill on most days.

One afternoon, as the whole group waited for their rides home, Lilli put her hand to Emil’s forehead. “Emmy, you haven’t been looking so hot lately. Do you think you might be coming down with something?” She frowned in concern after not even detecting the slightest hint of a fever. “Something just seems a little off about you.”

“I’m fine,” he assured, ignoring the gnawing feeling in his chest that arose every time he lied to any of them. “I’ve started using sleeping pills, and they’ve been doing wonders for me. I think I just look this way because of all of the sleepless nights that caught up to me. Don’t worry about me, okay?”

“If you say so,” the blonde sighed. “Just please be very careful with sleeping pills, okay? Only take the dosage prescribed to you. After all, those things could kill you if you’re not careful.”

Emil patted her head and smiled. “I’m a big boy, Lilli,” he teased. “I’m sure I can handle taking the proper dosage of my medicine. Thanks for worrying, though.”

Max smirked. “Typical Lilli,” he mused, “always looking out for everyone. She’s like the teeny Mom Friend, you know?” He pressed his index finger into her cheek when she puffed them at him, causing a small burst of air to flap out of her lips. “Relax, Lil, it was a compliment.”

Leon smirked at Max before putting an arm around his boyfriend and leading Emil out of earshot. “Hey, are you really doing okay, though? Lilli was right. Something about you really does seem off. You’ve seemed distant lately. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just my imagination. I would just hate to think that you’re suffering alone when you know you can lean on me.”

“It’s nothing to worry about, really,” the Icelandic boy replied. “I swear I’m doing just fine.” He felt his stomach grow heavier and sink further into him. Oh, how he hated lying to those dear to him. “I think it’s just the new medication I’m on. It appears to be exhausting all of my energy. It’s nothing to worry about, Leon, I swear.”

Unconvinced but not willing to argue, the Asian boy pressed a quick kiss to his boyfriend’s temple. “If you say so, I’ll trust you on your word.” There was a sudden impending feeling of doom in his chest. He felt conflicted as to whether he really should drop it or not. Fearing a fight with his boyfriend, he chose to drop it but bring it up again should anything suddenly bring it back to light.

Emil swallowed and looked over at Leon. “Thanks,” he said, offering his boyfriend a small smile. “Everything’s fine, though. I know you don’t buy my words, but I appreciate you dropping the topic.” He pecked the Asian boy’s lips. “I love you.”

Leon sighed, unable to hide his true feelings on the matter. “I love you too,” he stated. “That’s why I’m trusting you on this. If you say it’s nothing to worry about, then I won’t. Just please tell me if that changes. I want you to know that you can always lean on me, okay?”

His boyfriend’s chest tightened. “Of course,” he replied. “You’ve been there for me since we met. I would never doubt that, ever.”

“Good. That’s actually a lot more comforting to hear than you’ll ever know.”

Emil grinned and pecked Leon’s lips once more. “Stop worrying, Leon. Everything will be fine.” A gust of wind hit him head on and he shivered in his jacket. “It’s a lot colder today than I thought it would be.”

Leon smiled and zipped his boyfriend’s jacket up. “Then keep yourself warm, dummy,” he teased. His eyes locked with Emil’s and he froze for a moment. It was moments like these where he realized just how beautiful his boyfriend was, and all he could do was just look on in awe. “You beautiful, reckless, Icelandic dummy.” His lips pulled into a smile, and as he looked upon his boyfriend everything felt perfect in that moment. How he wished he could live in that moment forever.

“The way you’re staring at me is kinda gay,” the Icelandic boy commented, smirking. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you had a crush on me or something.”

The Asian boy scoffed. “Shut up.”

.

“It appears you’ve relaxed quite a bit, Emil,” Paula stated with a smile. She leaned back in her chair, relaxing. “I was really worried about you at first. But it appears that you really do have your depression under control these days. I’m so proud of you.”

Emil blushed, hardly used to praise. He felt his stomach drop with shame at her words. There was no way that he had his depression under control. He was just telling her what he assumed she wanted to hear, so that his brothers wouldn’t have to pay for her services anymore. If anything, he was more depressed than he was to begin with. A voice in the back of his head was constantly gnawing on his brain, telling him that he was a burden in every possible form of the word. There was no way he could ever repay the debts he owed.

Paula cocked her head to the side with curiosity. “Is there something on your mind, Emil? You’ve been pretty quiet for most of the session. Was there something else you wanted to talk about?”

His mind screamed the answers to her questions. ‘Yes! There is so much on my mind! I have so much I need to talk about! First off, how do I stop being a burden? Also, how do I assure my friends that I love them, but I just can’t take living anymore? If I were to kill myself, how do I let everyone know that it wasn’t their fault? What do you do when you want to die? How can I assure myself that my final wishes will be respected once I’m gone? You claim to care about me, but can you even see how much pain I’m in when we’re in here together? I want to die! I want to die! I want to DIE!!’

“Nothing,” he simply replied. “I’m just tired. I was up late studying for my math test last night. I think I did pretty well on it.”

‘Liar!’ his mind screamed back at him. ‘You were up all night contemplating suicide, Emil! Tell her that, you worthless piece of shit! Tell her your plan! Tell her about the note you plan to write! Tell her all of it!’

“You’re an intelligent young man, so I have no doubt in my mind that you did great,” Paula assured, a kind and almost-motherly smile on her face. “Do you have any plans for the weekend? It’s coming up soon. Do you plan to spend it with your boyfriend?”

“I’d like to,” he admitted, “but it depends on how well I did on my math test. My brothers have started cracking down on me for my grades.”

‘You lying piece of shit! She wants to help you, but you’re going to just feed her lies so she doesn’t know your real weekend plans! Does she know about the pills you’ve been stashing under your bed?! Does she know what you plan on doing with those pills?! You’re the worst, Emil! The absolute worst! You deserve to die! Scum like you isn’t needed in this world!’

Emil felt his body tense up at those thoughts. As much as he wished he could deny it, he truly felt that way. But if he were to tell Paula, who knows what sort of expensive treatments she would suggest to his brothers. And knowing his brothers, he knew that they would pay any amount for him. If it were a hospital stay, that would be thousands of dollars of one night if his insurance didn’t go through. He couldn’t do that to them!

“Then I hope you did well,” Paulla stated with a smile. “You deserve to see Leon. From what I’ve gathered, the two of you are really good for each other. He’s had a similar situation to yours as well, right? What are the odds that you would find someone like you? It’s truly remarkable, Emil. I’m just so happy for you.”

“Thank you,” he quietly stated. “I’m so grateful for him.”

‘But you don’t deserve him! You’re keeping him in the dark about this! If he knew, he would be worried sick! He’d probably break up with you for being so dishonest. And then what? You’d be all alone to wallow in your self pity until you finally wasted away into nothing. Not like that would take long, considering that you already are nothing.’

“It appears that our time is up. Is there anything else you’d like to talk about before we end our session?” Upon seeing the boy shake his head, she smiled. “Then I’ll see you next time, Emil. You’re making great progress, and I’m so proud of you. Keep up the good work.”

Her praise made him want to vomit. If she knew the truth, she would never say such kind things to him. If she knew the truth, she wouldn’t be letting him go so easily. If she knew that this would be the last time she ever saw him, she would have pressed him more to speak about what was really on his mind. But she didn’t know those things. No one did. And that was how he wanted it. While the truth will soon come like a slap to the face for all of his loved ones, he knew that at least he would finally be free.

.

Emil looked at the pill bottle in his hands and sighed. He had ripped off the label, so that no one would know what was inside. Though they were merely strong sleeping pills, the bottle was half-full. And as full as it was, he knew that once he took all of them, he would never wake up. There was only one more day left of this hell, but the hardest part of all of it was going to be leaving Leon behind.

His heart ached as he thought of how Leon would feel once he was gone. Would he blame himself? Could he really pull it off? If he couldn’t, would Leon hate him for it? He refused to fail. After all, if he failed, he knew that the guilt of what he’d forced everyone around him to feel would kill him itself.

What about Lilli? She trusted him to tell her if something was wrong. It killed him inside to think about how she will respond to his death. She’d never understand. Her heart would be broken. Would she blame herself for not paying enough attention? That poor girl would never be the same, but what about him? It wasn’t like he could keep up a charade of being happy for much longer. It was better to end it fast, like ripping off a bandaid, making it as painless as he could.

And then his thoughts went to Lukas. Oh, Lukas…. What would he think once Emil was gone? Would he understand? No, of course he wouldn’t. Lukas would never understand the only solution his brother could think of for the pain he was feeling. It made Emil sick to think of the aftermath of his death. Would Lukas ever be able to recover from that? He knew that his brother would blame himself for not noticing. But pain would pass, and everyone would eventually move on.

Emil’s only regret was that he wouldn’t ever see his mother again. He wouldn’t be able to hug her one last time, or feel her warmth as she did her best to console him. Just the thought of that was enough to make him want to swallow all of the pills in that moment. But he knew he couldn’t. After all, he had decided to live one more day.

One more day with his loved ones, and then all of his misery would be over. One more day.

.

His last day at school felt so unreal. Eating lunch with his friends seemed as if it were any other day. Of course it would seem that way. His friends had no idea. He felt as if he were betraying them, causing his stomach to churn.

“You aren’t hungry today, Emmy?” Lilli asked, cocking her head to the side. She frowned with concern. Her small hand flew to his forehead. “You do feel a little warm. Are you sure you’re not sick? Do you need to go home?”

“No!” he said a little too quickly. “I don’t need to go home. I’ll be fine.” If he went home, he wouldn’t be able to spend time with them before he…. No, he couldn’t think about that while he was with them. He needed to cherish his last few hours with them. “This will be fine. It’s not that bad. Besides, it’s not like school is going to last much longer.”

“If you’re sure,” Mei chimed in, frowning. She nervously placed her hand on the small baby bump that was forming in her torso. “We just worry about you.”

Leon snorted, placing his hand on Emil’s thigh under the table. “Okay, thanks, Mom,” he drawled to her. “But if Emil says he’s fine, then I feel we should trust him. It’s his body, and we should trust him to know his limits.”

Torn, Lilli frowned. “Promise you’ll tell us if you don’t feel well.”

Emil scoffed. “Of course I will,” he lied. “What kind of friend would I be if I suffered for no reason without telling you?” What kind of friend would I be? Me….

Yong-Soo stood behind Laura and massaged her shoulders. “Just don’t pull a Laura and carry the world on your shoulders, eh?” he joked to the Icelandic boy. He pretended that the knots in his girlfriend’s shoulders were massive. “Damn, baby,” he groaned to her. “I think you need to chill.”

“Fuck off,” Laura grumbled, swatting the Korean boy away.

“Shark Week,” her boyfriend laughed, kissing her cheek before she could shove him away.

Natalia struggled to stifle a laugh. “If you’re not careful, you’re gonna die tonight, boy,” she warned Yong-Soo through her giggles.

Emil’s stomach suddenly felt heavier than lead. Though he knew that she was addressing someone else at the table, he couldn’t help but feel as if she were talking to him. He suddenly felt really dirty and guilty. How could he do such a cruel thing as to spend his final day with them as if nothing was wrong? He felt it wasn’t a good thing to live his final day as a lie, but it was easier than telling them the truth.

.

“Emil, are you okay?” Lukas asked at dinner. “You’ve hardly touched your food, and Lilli texted me and said you didn’t eat lunch either. Are you feeling okay? You didn’t eat anything today, as far as I know.” He frowned. “You look pale.”

Mathias frowned with his husband. “Do you want me to check your vitals after dinner?”

“There’s no need for that,” the youngest brother replied. “I just don’t have an appetite today. Perhaps it’s a side effect of a medication of mine.” He pushed his food around his plate with his fork, trying to find any sort of distraction from that particular conversation topic. “It’s nothing.”

“It doesn’t seem like nothing,” Lukas pressed. “Are you sure there isn’t anything bothering you? We can talk about it, you know.”

“I don’t want to talk!” Emil suddenly snapped, dropping his fork onto his plate with a loud clatter. “I don’t want to talk! I don’t want to eat! I’m tired, okay? I’m just so tired!” He suddenly realized that his outburst could have been taken as a cry for help, which was the last thing he wanted. “Even with my new sleeping pills, I still have trouble falling asleep.”

“Why didn’t you tell us that?” his Norwegian brother demanded. “If we had known, then we could have gotten you in to your doctor to fix that. We can’t know what’s going on with you if you don’t talk about it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” the youngest shouted, suddenly jumping up from the table. “I don’t want to talk! Please just leave me alone!” He ran to his bedroom, slamming his door behind him.

This wasn’t how his final evening with his brothers was supposed to go! He wasn’t supposed to fight with them! They weren’t supposed to know that he was holding emotions back! This was wrong! This was bad! They couldn’t find out his plans! He wouldn’t let them!

His heart ached as he threw himself onto his bed. He knew they were going to try to talk to him, but he knew that he would tell them his plans if they pried too far into it. He couldn’t let that happen. That would ruin everything and make him feel even more indebted. The only option he had was to send them away when they came.

Lukas threw open the door to his brother’s room. “Emil, what the fuck was that? What’s going on?”

“Get out,” his younger brother simply replied. “Please, just go.”

“I don’t know what’s going on, but you can always talk to me about anything,” the Norwegian insisted. “You don’t have to go through all of this alone. Mat and I can help you! We’re family! That’s what family does!” When Emil didn’t reply, he sighed. “Please don’t put yourself through this alone.” Defeated, he took a deep breath. “You’re my little brother, Emil, and I love you. I want to help you, so what can I do to make that happen?”

“Go,” Emil repeated.

Lukas sighed. “Alright,” he dejectedly replied. “I will. Please know that I love you and I’m here for you. You don’t have to feel that way all alone. Goodnight, Emil.”

“Goodbye.”

.

The next morning, Lukas checked the clock in the kitchen. He found it odd that Emil hadn’t woken up yet. It was nearly one in the afternoon. Deciding that it was a bit too late for his brother to sleep in, he decided to go to his room.

Upon opening Emil’s bedroom door, a foul smell hit Lukas and made him sick to his stomach. What on earth was that? Why did his little brother’s room smell this way? “Emil?” he asked, noticing that his brother hadn’t stirred from his sleep. “Em?”

He pulled back his brother’s blanket, his hand catching on Emil’s exposed arm. The Icelandic boy was cold to the touch.

The realization hit Lukas like a ton of bricks when he saw the empty pill bottle beside Emil’s bed. Horrified, he let out a soul-wrenching scream that sent Mathias bounding into the bedroom as well as he fell to the floor.

“No!” he screamed. “No! No, no no! Emil! No! Please answer me! Emil! No, this isn’t real! Please wake up, Emil! Please! No! This isn’t real! This isn’t happening! Emil, wake up! Wake up!” He vigorously shook his brother’s lifeless body as he screamed, but nothing came of it.

Mathias fell to the floor with his husband, holding Lukas tightly as his fingers fumbled to dial 911. Emil couldn’t be dead. There was no way! His voice shook as he gave the address and names and situation to the operator and threw his phone across the room. This wasn’t happening. He couldn’t have killed himself. How had he not seen the signs?

Beside Emil’s bed was a stack of envelopes, each one with a different name upon it. It didn’t take long to figure out that the suicide was thought out. Yet the one note on top of the stack hit both brothers like a slap to the face. How had they not realized it sooner?

“Goodnight,” you said.  
“Goodbye,” I said.  
And you never thought twice about it.

.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are ever feeling hopeless, lost, depressed, worthless, or just think life isn't worth living anymore, please always reach out to someone. There are so many people out there who love you! If you feel you can't reach out to people you know, feel free to reach out to me or call your National Suicide Hotline! Always remember that this world is more beautiful with you in it!


End file.
